Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I started to read a blog that was written by a Mother. Her daughter was young and pregnant and choosing adoption even thought they were willing to help her. I know in the end.. the Mom to be even though young has the final say but it leaves me with one question.. Why can't family be enough? Especially if you were being raised in a good family? Why are they not good enough to help you. Adoption for most birth parents isn't something where your sad for a year and they go on to lead a normal life.. There is a lot of depression and self esteem issues for some. We tend to live with a case of the what if's and why didn't I do this.. I could have done it.. I am speaking from my experience and some other blogs that I have read. Adoption isn't the easy answer. It's not going to always be the best choice. If there is support and it's good support. Take it and run. Be a mother to your child, because I can tell you that you will feel like a mother even though your not and it hurts.If you choose and allow someone else to be your child's parent.. you are probably going to feel a lot of anger, jealosy and deep sadness. It doesn't mean that the adoptive parents are good to your/their baby.. It will be more about the fact that you are not his or her Mom. So, if your thinking about adoption and support is there.. really think hard. Don't assume you know how your parents feel. Ask them. Really consider raising your child.I have heard plenty of people regret their choice on adoption but never once have I heard anyone regret their choice to be a Mom.


Amanda said...

I agree with you.

We are now living in a society where women have more choices and so the adoption industry has changed. Women have the photos of well-to-do families paraded in front of them and are repeatedly told what a selfless decision adoption is. It's manipulative, especially when you consider the alternative, keeping your baby, would be "selfish." Surrender to adoption is currently being paraded as wonderful on MTV on three different docuseries.

Keeping your baby, of course, is not selfish. Children have a right to be nutured by their natural parents when and if at all possible and someone's net worth doesn't impact their ability to love their child. Women have the right to receive support for their families.

A society that denies that to a family, and glamorizes adoption, is what is "selfish." Good for her parents who are willing to help her.

Anonymous said...

It sounds to me like she has the support to parent, but is still choosing not to. In my opinion, that is the best case scenario. It isn't as if she wants to parent and doesn't have any resources or options and feels forced into adoption. Obviously I know very little about the situation, so I could be missing something.

I agree that Adoption isn't ever the EASY answer, but sometimes it is still the best option, only to be decided by the expectant mom. I wouldn't assume that she isn't thinking hard about it or that is the wrong choice for her.

birthmothertalks said...

I read about half of the blog and then it went private. I wasn't blogging just about this family but it's what sparked me to write. Sometimes, I get the impressions that moms to be feel that they are not good enough for their baby/child. I find that very sad. Of course this is just the impression that I get.

michelle said...

I think some of it can also be that a young woman making that decision does not have the life experience to necessarily understand the enormous impact of that choice.

She may also believe that adoption is "the loving choice", and not believe she is enough for her baby.

Oh...you just said that in your reply. Well, I agree! ;)

Anonymous said...

You make a great point in your reply. I didn't think of it that way.

Ever since I read this yesterday, I can't stop thinking about your last sentance. "I have heard plenty of people regret their choice on adoption but never once have I heard anyone regret their choice to be a Mom."

That is a great point. I don't think it is necissarily comparing apples to apples, but it is very interesting to think about.

On the other side of the coin, I know plenty of people that regret the choice to be a parent. However, none of those people were ever considering adoption or anything and they all actually became parents intentially. *sigh* some people!! :)