Friday, August 6, 2010

I seen an news story in time. It started off talking about all an adoptee wanted to search for her first family and had tried but hadn't had any luck until she got on Facebook. It also mentioned that she found her son on myspace when he was of legal age. It started off as a nice story.

Then, it went into how social networking is a concern for adoptive parents how a birthmother who has regets could contact the child without permission. It upset me because how come they can't just for once.. talk nice about adoption.. why can't it be about the good things..

Another thing that I thought was kind of sad is how the adoptee became a birthmother. Is this a result of just the normal odds or is she more likely to choose adoption because she has first hand experience. It's kind of sad to me to see generation after generation being apart because of adoption. This of course is my thoughts and I understand that some people might not feel the same.


Lori said...

Sometimes the sadness, confusion and secrecy creates this underclass of people. Those of us that have given up children, well, in a way, I have noticed that our parents were there and maybe they gave us up first.

birthmothertalks said...

Can I ask what do you mean by an underclass of people? And do you mean that "our parents were there and maybe they gave us up first" as in up for adoption? Or as in they "check out" meaning that they were there but not really meeting the needs of their children.

Amanda said...

The woman in the article is a friend of mine. I hope to interview her about her experience talking to TIME on my blog next week :-)

It's unfortunately not uncommon for an adoptee to also surrender a child to adoption. I know several (as in more than a half dozen) women who have both roles.

I agree that the media needs to let some topics and stories stand on their own. The quote by the NCFA was so inaccurate and saddening. Dana's story is so wonderful. I'm glad it was the gem of the article :-)

J said...

We were matched and the baby's mom said it was easier for her to place her baby for adoption because she knows first hand how much you can truly love your adoptive parents. She said in her eyes, love is thicker than blood.

You write, "It's kind of sad to me to see generation after generation being apart because of adoption." Don't take this wrong, some adoptions aren't as difficult as yours and some adoptees are actually happy to be adopted and don't care to meet thier birth parents. I think for this young mom, she sees the beauty of being adopted, so she wants the same for her daughter. She truly loves her adoptive parents.

birthmothertalks said...

Like I said.. it's how I feel about the generation after generation experiencing adoption lost. Unless, you and I know the person that gave the interview then we don't know her whole story. We only know what they told us. I am sure there is so much more to the story than what was printed. I don't mean any disrespect but the woman that has choose you hasn't gave birth yet and isn't a birthmother and her feelings on how she thinks she will feel and actually feels could be so different. I do understand that not all adoptions are as bad as mine, but for every happy birthmother blogging there is a really sad one. I do wish you the best.

Tammy said...

I too get sick of the media latching on like a leach to every adoption story and I don't particularly like the comment about birth parents contacting children without the AP's "permission". Our children aren't our possessions. The only exception I see is if the child was adopted through foster care it was not safe - emotionally or physically - to have that continued contact, which, sadly, does happen sometimes too.

I do agree with you about the generational problem of adoption. Let's face it: people don't place children for adoption because everything is going well. I know my son's birth mom spent a lot of time living with relatives because her mom wasn't doing such a great job. My son's birth grandma told me she was also raised by others for awhile. So now we have at least three generations (that I know of) who needed alternative living arrangements (is that the nice way of saying it??) There are no two ways about it - it is a problem and when does it end? My hope is that through this adoption, the cycle ends. It is a drastic solution though, no doubt.

Campbell said...

It's entirely individual and there will always be outside influences or factors other than being adopted that are at play in unwanted pregnancies.

My being adopted contributed heavily to my resolve of never becoming pregnant during the times of my life I wasn't prepared to do so.