Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas and letting go

It's Christmas eve already! This year went by fast. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Hope all your wishes and dreams come true tomorrow and the days going forward.

I don't believe I have posted about Alex. He just recently turned 22 years of age. He doesn't get to see his baby much.. I need to get working on that with him with the courts. However, he seems to have found the right girl. They seem to be happy and she has a 7 year old daughter who I think is adorable.

Here comes the letting go part. I collected dolls and paid quite a bit of money to get them. I have just kind of out grew it and haven't been keeping them displayed or even cleaned up.. They just been stored in the closet. I decided I would pull all the dolls out and choose one to give as a Christmas gift to my son's girlfriend's daughter. It wasn't easy to commit to doing that. I almost backed out cause even though I haven't been displaying or paying them much attention they once had been an important part of my life. I have seem to outgrow the need for baby dolls.

I remember when I was collecting them I was in a very bad spot in my life when it came to adoption. I believe I used the dolls as a band aid to cover up my hurt. I bought the dolls on layaway and always looked forward to the day I would pay off a new doll and bring it home. I like to go shopping for clothes for the dolls.. change their clothes.. but litle but little I don't get the same excitement for them.

I choose to give her this doll.

She cleaned up really well. My regret is that I don't have the original dress anymore but this one will do. I think I choose this doll because I feel less attached to it.. All the rest of my dolls besides a bald baby and this red head doll have dark hair and I believe more baby like.. so the struggle to choose this doll was easier compared to the rest.

Someday, I may choose to pass on the rest of my dolls or maybe I might find a spot for them and keep them.. but for now I feel it's best that someone else enjoy this pretty doll.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Izzy received my Christmas gifts I sent her and thanked me on facebook and mentioned how I would be getting something from her.. I got it tonight.. We both sent each other smelly lotion and perfumes ect.. It doesn't surprise me that we do that kind of stuff.

Just think of the shipping costs we could save if we just both agree to "buy our own stuff" haha.. I would never suggest that.. It feels good to have this fun exchange of gifts between us.

I do wonder is the lack of gifts part of the reason she has been distant? I can't answer for her but I know the lack of the acknowledged gift had bothered me and made me less likely to give gifts and the lack of in person visits.. who wants to pay shipping if they are in town..

I really hope our relationship doesn't come down to lotions and stuff. I love her even if I don't get or give gifts.

I have yet to give Izzy her scrapbook.. I haven't worked on it in a long time. I just haven't been in the mood.. but I see there is a expo coming up soon for scrapbooking.. It's a weekend getaway. They have different packages to choose from.. I so badly want to go but going away always make me nervous plus I have to pay for it up front.. I wish I had more time to think about it and decide.

I would be doing the option that gives me one full day, over night and until the next afternoon.. It includes a few meals. I would love to get out there and meet new people and maybe get some motivation to finish the scrapbook and be ready to give it to her.

Has anyone done anything like this before? The deal is 160.00 which isn't bad for over night and a few meals.

Thursday, December 8, 2016


It's hard to believe it's almost Christmas time already. We had a mild start to winter and just now a few days ago got some snow and cold weather has finally set in. I wish I could set my house down somewhere warmer.
I have chose to make it important to send Izzy a Christmas gift. It's been a few years since I have done Christmas or birthday gifts.. It's partly due to me not getting a response from Christmas gift in the past and me not being able to see her on her birthday even though she is around.

I really don't know if lack of gifts is part of the reason she has been distant.. I am not sending a gift to buy her love and I know I am accepting a chance of being hurt but I just want her to know I am thinking of her. I am guilty of not saving her address so I will try to put it somewhere safe and hopefully start sending things more often.. not gifts or anything but just cards ect.. take her as she comes. I know that is easier said than done. I didn't get much. I got her a Avon set of body powder, perfume and lotion. The truth is I bought it before I knew if she would respond with her address so hell might as well buy something I would like.. so happy to report I am not keeping the gift. I doubt if I will send anything else but who knows.

I am in the market for a new car. My car is still running but the body is rusting out bad and it needs repairs and I have had two mechanics that suggest not fixing the car due to the body..

So.... I have my heart set on a jeep or a suv.. I love the Jeep Cherokee and I like the Ford Explorer or ford Escapes.. I kind of like the sportier SUVS but not sure if they will be too small.. I am being pretty picky.. I want it to be Blue and heated leather seats. I hope it's new enough I can put my phone in the dash thing.. I hope to get something after the new year.

Anyone have any SUV models to suggest?

Tomorrow, my work is having a Christmas open house. We have new owners so no big Christmas party.