Thursday, August 12, 2010

Hey all... I spend a lot of time reading all kinds of blogs and writing in my own. I try to be supportive to people. I started to follow, read and comment more on people trying to adopt. Sometimes, it's the high's and lows that keep me interested. I guess, I mean the drama. I don't mean that in a mean way. What I mean.. is the suspense of it all. How fast things can change. I honestly don't know if I would be so interested if I knew people in real life. I try to be supportive and wish you all well but honestly there has only been a couple adopted Mom's to be that I really connected with and hoped for an adoption. It's not easy to have that hope because for me.. it's like wishing someone loses their child. It's like hoping someone experiences pain for someones gain. I know it's a bitter thing. Someone's life is changed for the good and someone's is changed for the bad. I know. I know. It maybe the best for the circumstances some women are in.
However, with all that said.. I have been trying to be more supportive of the birthmother's. I feel that is where my support should be. It's not that I can't read and comment on adoptive parents blogs, but if I am going to comment and try to support then it should be with birthmother's. Because the road a birth mother must travel on after parting ways with her child is very lonely.
Sometimes, I have felt that in some cases, that it's not easy to relate to the birthmother's with open adoptions. I can see why they are upset about this or that but I don't know how to handle an open adoption.. so I am not likely to give advice. Sometimes, I have felt like I am unique as a birthmother because we are all very different. Three are birthmothers that are very anti adoption. I try not to come off that way. Also, their are birthmothers who are very pro adoption to the point of speaking about how wonderful it is. I am not there either. But anyways, I am me. I am a birthmother and I will continue to be more supportive to other birthmom's. I really wish I knew some that live in my area. I was given some ideas from an adoptive Mommy that I need to explore more.


Debbie B said...

I think it's great that you want to support other birth moms. You each share a unique but common bond in adoption.
But I will say as an adoptive mom with a blog, I appreciate the views and opinions of you and other birthmoms.

birthmom1986 said...

Yeah, I'm not pro or anti adoption either. I'd like to think that every mother loves her child and would never choose adoption. It was never a choice for me. I hate it when people say "oh what a brave choice you made." The choice was made for me.
However, I have to open my eyes and see that some kids are better off adopted, and not every woman giving birth wants to keep her baby.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks Debbie. I try really hard to be supportive of both sides but sometimes I have a hard time. I have to take a step back from adoptive parents blogs because I just have to bite my tongue sometimes. I been wanting to focus more on birthmother blogs because do you notice how so many people will follow and comment on adoptive parents blogs and so few for the birthmothers.. So.. I want to make sure that I don't do the same thing.

Amanda said...

I agree birthmom1986, that not every woman wants to keep her baby but sometimes I wonder if there is ever really a way to know? When the top reasons that people surrender children are lack of money and lack of resources and opportunity...those are fixable things. So long as those things are still huge problems, I don't support adoption except older children from foster care. Adoption is not a solution to poverty. It separates a mother and child, leave the mother in poverty, and places a child in a new family.

While a child may have a "better life" adopted, the better option, for a mother who is willing to parent, is for society to help meet their needs to that a child can have a "better life" without needing to be adopted out.