Sunday, December 21, 2014

My son still hasn't told us about the baby. My husband wants to confront him to get him to talk about it. I am wondering if the right thing to do is say something or let him tell us on his time.. but it is on a social network site. He doesn't know we would have acess to that.. but what he should know is that people talk. My husband thinks we need to bring it up so we can give emotional advice and also be a part of the excitment of a new baby. Me.. I am not sure. I don't think it has hit me yet.

What would you do?

Monday, December 15, 2014


I have known for about 3 weeks now that my oldest son's girlfriend is expecting a baby but the kicker is that my son hasn't told us yet. We were tipped off by a facebook posting she did and my husband's son told my husband. I don't think it's really hit me yet even though I have seen the postive test online.

I suppose this is payback for hiding my first pregnancy from my parents. I figure he will tell me when they are ready and hopefully that won't be when the first labor pains hit.

She is younger than him but both do work for Mcdonald's as managers but that doesn't say a lot of them when it comes to what McDonald's pays.

I have only told two friends and now all of you. I can't tell me my family cause they all talk too much.

My husband said I am going to be a real Grandma now. I sort of thought I was a real Nana to my step daughter's girl but I do get what he means.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

My second Mom

Today, I had pleasure of talking to a woman that I think of as a second Mom. She is really special to me. So special that I brought Izzy to meet her a couple years ago. When we were talking to today she referred to me as Izzy's Mom and it's so nice to have that one person who doesn't seem to question my status with her.. including myself. I hope to see my friend so and that they printed the pictures from when I brought Izzy to see her. That's all I really have to say. Sorry I been kind of quiet. I want to blog but I have sort of ran out of topics after so many years of blogging.

Anyone have any questions or topics you wish I would write about?

Thursday, December 4, 2014

I hope everyone had a great Thankgiving! I had to work so my Thanksgiving dinner was an eat and run type of thing and then I had to be at work while my client's family had dinner.. Very odd!! I hope to be off on Christmas to avoid a repeat of that.

I did send Izzy a Thankgiving card and heard from how when she got it. There has been a bit more communication betweeen the two of us the last week or so. I sort of kept my weight loss posts and working out posts down a bit. I am part of a group for maintaining our weight and have been using that as more of a outlet.. I have wondered if I am rubbing her the wrong way. We all have that friend that drives us a little crazy right?

I am not sure what I will do for Izzy for Christmas. I probably will keep it low key due to the distance but might pop my head in and get prices on the boxes to see how much it cost to ship just in case I do find something I want to get her.. my other idea would be a card with a gift card. Also have the cookbook idea but not sure about that.

I will just have to decide sooner or later. I know I don't want to be super late with it like last year.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Exciting news!!

I came to blogging about adoption loss to share my story but also I love hearing other stories about adoption loss. I spent the majortity of my years in the birthmom closet and to some extent I am still in the closet. I don't share my story with many people. It's easier to sometimes just skirt around the number of kids that I have.. "My husband and I have five kids together? or I might say I have 2 kids! I know that is a lie but in the grand sceme of things I am not Izzy's Mom so therefor she really isn't my kid. Did I just write that? I don't mean that she wasn't born to me ect..or I don't care and love her but it's different.

I can't get into stories about her upbringing ect so when it comes to me being a Mom.. the only kids I can say I have raised is my two sons.

One of the blogs that I follow but don't comment on is the birthmombuds page. I feel it's possible it's too popular and if I comment Izzy could find her way to this blog.

But I am some exciting news!! Birthmombuds does a retreat and it's quite far from my house.

I told my husband I would like to go and he said go then.. He mentioned me flying out. I said "no way" "I could never fly especially on my own"

My husband then offered if I rented a car he would drive me there!! So when more information comes out and I explore the details about the retreat and figure out how much this trip will cost me.. It's very possible that we will take the trip and I can join the birthmother's retreat!!

I think I would love that!! It would be quite an adventure for us to drive it! Also, quite a challenge for us to arrange for care for our pets. Not to mention time off our jobs and the cost of the trip.. The great news is that a couple months before this trip we would most likely have our nice tax refund to fund it.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

I brought Alex home so we could celebrate his 20th birthday! It was a nice day! I called off from my babysitting job so I could just give him some time one on one and we went to see a movie. I then had a bit of time alone to do my workout and just relax. We did dinner out and then came home and had cake.

It's been a long day. I have to drive Alex home soon.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Alex's birthday

Today is my oldest son's 20th birthday!! 20 years ago, my life changed for the good when I got to finally bring a baby home.. but it also was a reminder of what I mised with Izzy.

Just for the record.. I did text her.. I had two numbers and it appears I was texting an old number but that doesn't change the fact that all communication is mostly one way. But that's not what this post is going to be about.

It's about Alex and of course will be adoption and reunion related.

Truth is that I don't have tons of contact with Alex. He is horrible keeping a phone so sometimes it's hard to contact him. Plus, I admit, I think I have that little issue my Mom has and just forgets to pick up the phone.. mean to pick up the phone, want to pick up the phone but forget.. or don't know what is the best time to pick up the phone. but at the moment alex doesn't have a phone.

So unless he borrows a phone all our contact is facebook besides when we get together. He lives close to an hour away so it's not easy to go see him.. but every few months I would guess I go see him or bring him home.

I am bringing him home on Sunday to take him to a movie and dinner for his birthday so that should be fun.

The reason why I am writing this cause not too long ago my husband brought up that it's not much different between Izzy and Alex. "Alex doesn't always contact or text me" so yea that is true. but here is the difference. I know where I stand with Alex. I know that I am his Mom. I know he loves and cares about me. I can feel it. I know that while we may not talk often or get together real often but we will talk and get together.

When it comes to Izzy. I am not her Mom. I am her birthmother. We don't have shared history. There are 15 years apart in our ages. We have some in common but not tons. I don't know that Izzy loves me. I don't feel it. Sure. When she see's me she hugs me. I don't know if and when I will see Izzy. I don't want to beg for visits. I think I am done begging and while it sucks I think I can live thru it. I am worth so much more. I don't need to have someone in my life if it takes begging. I can't believe I even wrote that.

So that pretty much wraps up how on the outside Alex's and mine relationship maybe be simliar but very different.