Sunday, July 27, 2014

My last post I revealed that I am invited to Izzy's and her fiance's wedding reception! There is the issue of taking off from work or showing up at noon and leaving by 130 or 2pm at the latest.. Then the issue of an wedding gift.. I have no idea on what to get them. They have been living together quite some time now. There is also the issue of her birthday is coming up.

All the above is small stuff compared to the fact that I will come face to face with Izzy's parents soon!! I really don't know what to expect from my emotions. Will it be like seeing a long lost friend and everyone cries? or will it be a lot of jealousy and akwardness between us that we each secrettly wish we were anywhere else but standing in front of each other. Or will it be like this is my corner and this is their corner and we don't really speak to each other?

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


This is huge news!! I got in invitation to Izzy's and her fiance wedding reception. I am a little shocked! The person inside me who wants to protect myself had already tried processing that my family wouldn't get to go. Truth is that I am not sure if I would had blamed her. Not to say that my heart wouldn't be heavy knowing we were excluded for one reason or another. I haven't had time to process the whole idea of being the stranger around most of her friends and family.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Upcoming wedding

Izzy and her fiance will be getting married on August 30th of this year. They orginally were going to do a big wedding with a Christmas theme I believe in this barn that this lady rented out for a wedding venue. Due to some zoning problems the venue was closed down and Izzy and her fiance shut the door on a fancy wedding.

They plan to marry by themselves and someone her fiance knows is marrying them. I am not sure who the two witnesses are going to be or if that is still an requirement. I know her parents are not going to be there. They will be getting married in the town they currently live in so as far as I know no one is coming. It's just going to be short and sweet.

Izzy and her new husband will be here in September for a weddding reception that will be thrown to celebrate the start of their life as a married couple. I am so happy for them. They are high school sweethearts and go good together.

I really don't know to expect an invitation to the reception or not. If I recall from past conversations I would been invited to the wedding. I don't recall if I asked or what so who knows Izzy's true thoughts on that.

I know that this day will be about them. That is the main focus and I am afraid and do wonder if I was invited if it would take some off that focus off them and onto me. Who knows??

I really am not sure how I feel about the whole mixing of two famlies. I haven't yet been brought around Izzy's family so there is still that level of awkwardness that I am sure that would be there.. sure maybe a level of jealosy too on maybe both our hearts.

There has been a tiny bit of communcation between Izzy's Mom and myself on facebook. It's not much but I like to think of it as we are each testing the waters here and there with each other. Slowly my heart is becoming less angered about the past stuff with her parents.

Only time will tell where we go from now. It's also Izzy's birthday coming up and she seems interested off and on with diet and weight loss. I am thinking of buying her a heart rate moniter for her birthday but not sure if that would be rude. My sister bought me one from Christmas and I love mine.

Will update again when I know more but at the moment I don't plan on asking for an invite. I think I am trying to protect my heart on this one.

P.S. I am getting closer to my 100 pound weight loss goal.. help me get to 200 followers before I hit my goal.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

my 8 mile trail run

I survived my 8 mile trail run!! I really wasn't prepared for the fact that it was a "trail run" I didn't take time to think about what that really meant to me.. All I thought about was getting my runs up to 8 miles the weeks that lead up to the run.

It was a major challenge with hills and the bumps and mud that comes with grass. A friend but I wouldn't say a close friend asked me did I want to do it and I agreed if I could ride with her and I got the day off. I don't mean to imply that I don't like this friend but we just haven't really hung out too much. We have special needs children and we met at a retreat a few years ago.

She was a faster runner than me so we didn't run it together cause I couldn't keep up with her.. For this most part.. I was okay with it but there were some moments of the race where I was completly alone and no one else in sight.. I am a person who is fearful of getting lost and this did bother me a bit but luckily the run was marked well and some spots even had volunteers telling you where to turn ect.

There was a point where I was around a few other people and I mentioned that I came with a friend but she was faster and they mentioned how they agreed as a group to stay together. That part felt a little lonely cause it would have been nice to have that kind of friendship where we would stand by each other. However, I sort of see why she might have went on. If someone was extremly slower than me. It might effect my run if I had to be held back.

I finished the race in 1 hour and 47 minutes.. I don't recall her times but I believe it was an hour and 30 to 1 hour and 36 minutes. She was there when I crossed so it was nice that they waited to see me cross.

She mentioned she is interested in an half marathon.. so that would be 13 miles. I am not quite sure I am up for that.. Running long distance just wipes me out and it takes so much time to get the runs longer.

Friday, July 4, 2014

I am up before the sun even got up!! I am running an 8 mile race with a friend. Sometimes, I think I am crazy and this is one of those moments. I know I can make it 8 miles but havent ran with a friend before so this should be interestinh to see how this goes.

Monday, June 23, 2014

So here is the deal. I believe in the past I have wrote about my niece and called her "K" Well, K isn't related to me anymore due to divorce but I was around for a good bit of her growing up days. K is now about 23 years of age I believe. K hasnt had the best upbringing. K has some mental problems and her Mother didn't really take care of her. K spent most of her childhood living in a one bedroom apartment that is part of public housing. K's grandmother raised her.

So K is my children's cousin. My brother got involved with K. That's where it sounds gross cause my kid's may say something like "my Uncle is dating my cousin" haha.. Well, K, played the "I am pregnant" thing a couple times and never was pregnant.. K likes attention.. So last summer or whenever 9 months ago K says I am pregnant and this time it's for real.

My brother who I will call "m" told me right away he didn't think it was his child.. Then when her due date M was more convinced that this baby wasn't his child. He stuck by her side even though she admitted to having slept with another guy and we seen her with this other guy a lot last summer when we could ride our bikes.. but anyways K stuck to her story that this baby is my M's.

The baby was born a little over a week ago and I don't know what to think of it. I honestly believe my brother and based on the looks and size I am leaning towards this baby is not my family.. but my brother seems to be sticking by her even though she falls in and out of love easily.. there is an picture of her with another guy holding her big tummy before she had the baby.

I actually seen the baby yesterday!!! He is so tiny. I wanted to take him home. I asked Grandma how K was doing and she said bad. I asked how bad? New Mom bad or really bad?? She said really bad.. I feel so badly for K, new baby and everyone involved. K learned from her Mom. She didn't have a strong support system then and I believe she will have help.. However, I see history repeating itself and instead of help they will let K dump her child on somoeone else. I know dump is a bad word.. Maybe it's better to say she won't step up to the plate and take care of him and Grandma (who is actually a great grandma now) or K's Mom who is actually (grandma now) will.. but if K's mother didn't take care of her own two children is she really gonna take care of this baby?

I am really hoping it's not my brother's child for a couple reasons.. one selfish.. this family is bad and I don't want to be mixed with them. K isn't bad.. just has some problems.. K's grandma isn't bad but is getting up there in age.. about 65 years of age.. In a round about way, I told her how much she helped us but she didn't raise my children and she agreed with that. I strongly told her don't let history repeat itself. Make K take care of him.

It's K's mother and step father that is bad and so is K's step brothers.. we don't want to be mixeed up.. bad things have happpened. Another reason I really hope it's not his child that it would make both parents on disabilities and that makes a sticky sitaution for physically, fiacnially and emotionally for this child to get a proper upbringing.

I have been obsessed with this situation but I don't think it's adoption rearing it's ugly head.. I haven't been jealous, terribly sad nor do I want to avoid the baby. I can't say if it would be different had it been a girl. So from an adoption stand point I am doing well.

We are hoping for a DNA test soon. We think that great grandma will push it cause K's SSI payment isn't going to get very far while she takes care of paying for a newborn's need.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Heavy heart

A newborn baby boy was born into my boys family. It may be my relation too. So if that's true this baby boy is related to my sons from both parents. It's not a case of incest even though it sounds like it. I have a heavy heart because I worry about this babies and it's mother's future. More on this later. I am officially stalking a couple people's facebook page cause the Mother has some mental problems and likes to delete people to only bug them to friend them.