The legal system

I think the worst, in the adoption industry is the legal system. I personally think that both birth mother's and birth father's are not properly represented when it comes to the final act of giving up your parental rights to your child.
Birth father's rights are not protected. If a women goes to court to sign away her rights to her child and says that she doesn't know who the father is then his rights are gone too. It's too simple. I, for one, did that and it wasn't right. They should have a say about their children. I know that in cases where the birthfather runs when he finds out he is going to be a father might think he deserves it, but I believe more needs to be done to make sure he has a say.
I think more needs to be in place to protect the younger women coming in to sign their legal rights away. I mean give free representation to people convicted of a crime, but none to someone making a life changing decision. I, too, was a victim of this. A 15 year old, in court in front of a scary judge and no one telling me of my rights. I don't mean the judge probably didn't but I mean someone like a counselor or a lawyer to remind me of my rights. I think a less scary room other than the court room would let the woman or man understand what more is going on and the finalization of their decision.
I think another big injustice is the time framed when someone can legally sign away their parental rights to their child. After, only 72 hours of giving birth, my daughter was no longer legally mine. I believe the time should be more like 7 to 14 days. It's way too soon.
My daughter was taken from me when she was 24 hours old and legally I didn't even know that she was still mine then. It just goes to show how I wasn't given the right legal help and suffered for it. I know not all cases are the same, but I don't believe I am the only one who suffered at the hands of the legal system.

My thoughts on open adoption

I believe that all open adoptions should be a legal bonding document that can be held up by the courts. I am sure that I didn't surprise any of you there. I believe this is the only 100% safe way for a woman to know that when an prospective adoptive couples says we agree to a open adoption that they really mean it. If they are not willing to agree to a legal document then maybe they are not 100% committed to an open adoption.
I think that this document could be in the works after a match is made and that it should have some wiggle room if either party feels something isn't working for them. But never ever never ever should a birthmother totally get cut out 100% unless there is a very good reason for it. I mean something really drastic. I think if/when problems arrive that the parties can't solve on their own that should be mandated to go to an counselor that specializes in adoption. I just think more needs to be done to protect the birth parents from feeling the loss of the promised open adoption.
I do know that there are plenty of good adoptive parents out there that wouldn't dream of cutting their child's birthparents out of their lives and that they do their best to give their children the best of both worlds. But there are others who for their reasons just can't get past their fear or whatever else might make them just end contact.

Young at heart

I collect dolls and I love to dress them and change their positions around in the house. I have lots of real baby clothes for them. I don't wanna grow up. Ha! Here is a picture, but it's not picture, because I broke my camera. sniff sniff. haha.

my thoughts on adoption part 2

I want to start off by saying that I am not anti adoption. I honestly know that sometimes it's is the answer. First, I think most people should stay clear away from private adoptions. It is my experience so I suppose it's only natural that's how I feel.
So, if a woman is leaning towards adoption and is going to go to an agency to look more into it. I think, because especially, if you never had a child before, they need to do more to prepare you to make this final step in your decision. I think they should suggest you read some books on adoption from birthparents side of things. I believe it would be good if they could connect them with some birthparents to talk to. Although, I can see them saying that it's not within their policy or them choosing the ones with that seem well adjusted that might not tell you a horror story.
If they have gone through the options and talked to other people. I think the next thing agencies should try to do is talk with her family members. To see if they are on the same page as far as the adoption and a kind of speak now or forever hold your peace type of deal. I think they need to be reminded that when the baby is born they will be a whole another set of emotions and hopefully they can convince them that if they are going to offer up support or help to raise the baby then do it now. It could save an couple from having the heart ache of a failed match.
So semi open, open or closed adoption? I think she needs to be fully told that open adoptions are not legally binding. They should say it again and again, if they choose to cut you off then it's their choice. It's not going to make it any easier when that happens to someone but at least she went in with the knowledge of the law.
I know there are good and bad of every profession and that includes adoption agencies. I think because so much is at sake that there needs to be more done to prevent the women being taken advantage of. I think the adoption worker should have someone who is supervising her by example recording the meetings and also have the expectant Mom to meet with her adoption workers boss.
A few things I think the workers shouldn't say to the expectant Mom.

• What a wonder thing your doing. Your helping a couple who would otherwise not have children have a child. (not my problem) They are giving the baby a Mom and Dad.
  
• Never tell them oh you will get to go on and have more babies and go back to your normal life. ( life will never be the same)
• The adoptive couple can provide so much more than you.
  

• You are giving them a much better life.
• Don't speak to them as if they baby is already the adoptive couples

Somethings that they should tell her.

• See the baby. Spend all the time you want with him or her so say hello and goodbye.
• after the birth, it's still your choice.
• It's okay to cry.
• should encourage her to speak to people about adoption. Don't keep it a secret.
  
• She is your baby until you sign away the rights. You make can make the decisions about the baby.
  
• Make sure she gets some pictures. Someone did that for me.
  

I am about to wrap this up for now, but I think the hardest part of adoption is that you may have gone through all your options and you feel it's the only option but it hurts like hell. All the reasons in the world isn't gonna make it any better.
I have more to add on this subject, but will save it for later.

my thoughts on adoption

First, I want to say that I am not claiming to be an expert on adoption or do I think that I have all the answers and while I am interested in adoption to keep improving, I am not doing anything about it. I will probably break up my thoughts on a few different posts over the week, because I can ramble pretty good. I do believe that I am doing my part by my blogging. I know people have thought different on closed adoptions after reading what I write.

I think when a woman is facing on pregnancy that she didn't plan for and is scared, I think the first step she should turn to is a pregnancy crisis center. They can give her a start in the right direction. They have the best resources on where to go if you need some assistance and can counsel you to help you start thinking about if you can parent or choose adoption. I honestly don't know if they counsel you for abortion. Never considered it something I ever wanted to talk about.
I think only when your more leaning towards adoption should you go into an adoption agency. I think women need to do some serious soul searching. I never did, because I was in denial that I was having a baby?
What kind of a home do I want for my baby?
Do I want my child to have a stay at home Mom?
Two parents?
Can I afford the basics that a baby requires?
Is there resources that might help me?
Am I mature enough to raise a child?
Do I have family support that may help me raise my child in the beginning years?
Do I want to go to finish high school? Or college? Is there programs out there that could help me?
Do I understand that adoption in a lot of cases is a solution to a temporary problem?
If adoption do I want a closed or open adoption?
If adoption. Do I want my child to go to couple with out children and possibly be an only child or do I choose someone with children already?

I am sure there are other things women think about when considering to parent or choose adoption. I think so key things for them to remember is while they can choose the parents based on profiles and meetings to fit the criteria on how they would like their child to be raised, but can you trust that all couples will be honest?
More importantly are you able to see that after the adoption you are not in the drivers seat anymore. How are you going to feel if you placed, because you want your child to have a stay at home Mom and something happens and she has to work? Or if a big reason was because you want your child to have a two parent household and they divorce? 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Along with a divorce, a lot of times comes harder fiancial times. Now you have two parents supporting two households instead of one. I will be honest, if I choose adoption, because I didn't want my child to feel the strain of money problems, but then something happened and the couple ended up broke, like me, I would be angry. I gave them up so that they could have a better life. If it wasn't my child, I might be able to say I understand stuff happens, but there is a chance that when it's your kid and your feeling the loss that it's too much to bare. This was just an example.
I am going to end this part of my views on adoption with the fact that I use the term "my child" because I think for me it was hard to see my baby as anymore than a baby. It's important to think of them as a child and not just a baby. Also, by all the mention of getting assistance, I am not suggesting that anyone get a free ride. Just pointing out some areas where people can get help. I will write more on this topic until I get all the thoughts on adoption down, but it might take a few days, because if it's too long then you might just get bored.

I am not working as much as I used to, because times have changed I guess. I am working so that is a very good thing. However, I have to much time on my hands to think and thinking isn't always a good thing to me.
On most weeks, I have my day time free, because the hours I am being offered is 2nd shift. It's part of the reason, I am not working more, because I won't do anymore than that. But it's leaving the daytime free to do nothing and think.
I really need to do something with my life instead of thinking of poor me. I want to turn it around. I want to think of others. Maybe that will be giving free time to some nursing home if it's allowed. We have crazy rules. Or maybe it's starting to find the places where I can be a assist other women. Maybe that could be a little babysitting or a shoulder to lean on. Maybe I could be someone who can be notified if there is a poor girl making a adoption plan without support on her side. I know that I can't save them all, but just being able to cry with someone maybe that can be me. I don't want to be bitter and angry forever. If I can make the difference in someone's life then maybe I can turn my life around. Then, maybe I could give back. I could give what I wasn't given. Now, I just got to figure out a way to do this and really think more. Is it something that I can do? Am I emotionally ready for this? Can I do it without reliving my experience?

Only a small number of people know that I had a daughter and that I am birth mom. Have you ever really thought of the term Birthmother? Isn't everyone that gives birth a Birthmother to all their children. Just a funny thought for today.
Back to why not that many people know. Through the years, when I would try to be more open and tell people a huge part of my history they always said the wrong things. I think the worst was that be happy that you have a son or two sons when the second son came along. It make me want to shrink back under the rug, because I felt like I was being told to not feel bad about the first, because you have others. It doesn't work that way. Just because I have missed my daughter doesn't mean that I am not happy that I am a Mom to two boys.
So, through the comments and just overall not being comfortable in my own skin I keep it a secret. It's made me feel insecure of who I am. I have been working with being more out in the open, but for the most part, I feel it's just not something people want to hear. Now that I am older, I know that it's not personal, but I still have that knee jerk reaction to go under the rug.
With my first marriage, adoption was the elephant in the room. We both knew it was there, but we didn't talk about it. With my second husband and my last, even if I have to kill him. hehe. Adoption has been an evil word in our life. We have such different thoughts on it that even though we try to talk about it, we just can't without a fight. It's probably the saddest part of my marriage that I don't feel safe that I can talk and be sad. That doesn't mean he don't see me at my worst, but I have always felt like he kicked me while I was down. I know that maybe now that he is sober it's doesn't have to be that wa. Been that way since May yea!!!! That maybe things would be different, but I don't think his attitude has changed. The way that I feel a outsider is why I wish that I could have my husband for support. I know that I should be so happy that he is sober and being a good husband now, but it's how I feel. Don't get me wrong, because we are doing so much better now. I love him so much. He and my children are my life. Don't forget my zoo too!!!
I see that I have new followers! Welcome to my little space on the Internet. I try to look at adoption from all sides. Sometimes, I get down and I say things like I hate adoption. Please don't take it personal. If I can't vent here then I am lost. I know that all adoptions are not the same and I have tried hard to learn from others in this circle of blogs that I read. I ask questions and I do my best to say things in the most polite way if I think something is a little off on how you say something. But in the end, I respect that's it's your space on the Internet and that I can only suggest and then make the decision if your blog is something that I like to read. There are times that I take a break from adoptive parents blog, especially the ones with girls, because it's sometimes just too hard. So, I comment and then don't for a while. It's probably not personal. Thanks for the interest in my blog. I wonder if I can get 50 followers before Valentines Day!