My retreat for the birthmom's bud's retreat is about 3 months away. We have most of the arrangements done.. All I need to do is to save a little money here and there so we are not worrying about every little dollar. But I do have a big chucnk of it saved.
I was talking to a great friend about the retreat and she was shocked that I was going so far. She asked the million dollar question. Since I am going to be in North Carolina and that is where Izzy lives.. Will I see her? Izzy does live 4 hours away from where the retreat is being held. If she is too busy to connect to meet up when she is a 20 minute drive.. isn't she going to be too busy to connect when she may need to do a bit of driving?
That is such a hard question. I wouldn't be a birthmom if it wasn't for giving birth to Izzy and placing her for adoption but I don't want the main focus about my trip to consume myself with will I see Izzy or not? Will Izzy reject my inviation to meet? I want the whole focus to be about meeting other birthmom's and maybe forming friendships thru our simliar stories.. I also want the focus to be spending time with my husband during the ride there and the ride home. I don't want to come home all shook up and depressed because she couldn't or wouldn't meet up with me.. Now.. I know the event itself could be triggering and I may come home all shook up and depressed but why add fuel to the fire.
It's not that I don't want to see Izzy. I would love to see her while we are there. I don't want to face the rejection or feel the rejection on this weekend.
Izzy was doing a bit of traveling in North Carolina last weekend and I did mention how we will be coming there for a retreat so maybe I will just let it play out.