I thought I would do a quick update on my visit with Izzy and my emotions about it.
We were supposed to do a late lunch but she contacted me and said it would have to be over something quick like coffee cause her husband's Mom was in the hospital and due to be released. I will be honest with ya that I feel like it's a good excuse but still an excuse to keep our time short. However, I was grateful for the time we had visiting and I had my first starbucks experience with her and her husband.
I was pleased with myself how I handled her being in town. I didn't spend the whole week and half on edge waiting for a reply because I was putting it all in her court. She contacted me about the wreath and we set up the time to meet.
I only had two bad days while she was in town where I felt bad. I felt like I am not important to her. She was in town for 10 days and I got 45 minuites of her time. I am grateful that I did get that 45 minutes and the beautiful wreathe but just wished for more. She was sick when she first got here so not sure how much that played into things.
I think I am starting to become more at peace with our relationship and slowly learning that it's not me. I am a good person. I am worth knowing and loving. If I can't get let in her heart.. I guess that's just how it's going to be for now.. Maybe someday when she is more ready for something more I will be around.
It was suggested by a friend that she might be uneasy around me because of my weight loss. It's a really good possibility that it could be the case. It's just hard to say. It's not easy admitting I know my daughter but I really don't know her. She won't let me.
By the way, I got my hair done so I look great for my upcoming retreat.
Edit.. to say that I have posted a couple pictures on my private blog.