Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Horse ride

My weight loss has stalled a little bit and I am even up a couple pounds! It's driving me nuts!! So close to 80 lbs and then back up a couple.. I know it's still close but it does bug me. It will be the first time I gained weight since I started losing it.

I did have an experience recently that wouldn't have happened had I not lost weight. I rode a horse. The paperwork said if your over 200 lbs you had to ask about arrangements that could be made and I know I wouldn't have had it in me to ask such a question.

I was very excited and proud to be able to get my first horse ride. It was a trail ride.

Stephen rode a horse too on the same day. This was actually his 3rd trail ride! He was all excited and happy to tell everyone how he was a pro and I was new at it. His horse was probably the best behaved and he said that's cause he knows how to handle a horse.

One of my regrets in life is not discovering the park district and their programs when Alex was younger. Stephen has experienced somethings that wouldn't been affordable without the assistance we get due to income level. I love that there is programs that allow kids to experience some fun even though their parents are not loaded.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Illinois files "historic" lawsuit against for profit adoption agency

My husband who reads the chicago tribune read this news story and thought I would enjoy reading it. Feel feel to jump over and read it here.

I hope this is just the first of many lawsuits to call the companies out that are willing to break laws for profit. I am sure there are great agencies out there but I stand by my thinking that adoption and profits probably shouldn't go hand and hand. I don't get how it can always be about the best interest of the child or the Mother to be if dollars are on the table to either be lost or gained.

It will be interesting to see how this lawsuit plays out. Maybe it will open the door for many other states to stand their ground and insist that their laws are followed.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

7 years!!

Today, marks mine and my husband's 7th wedding anninversey!! Like many marriages we have had our ups and downs and then all over again. I like to think we are doing pretty well these days.

One thing that I love about my husband is that he has been very supportive in my drive to lose weight. He loved me at my heaviest and continues to love me as I lose the weight one pound at a time. Currently at 79.5lbs down.

He takes up the lack of taking care of Stephen and or cooking meals so I can get my workout in.

He has been known to weigh food when he cooks so I can get proper calorie counts.

He even has been known to keep me on my toes by pointing it out to me if I am slacking at working out.. even laughs at my excuses.

He has given me my space and let me workout in the living room alone. I love that I can still get a workout in if I don't hit the Y up or get a walk in.

We have been through his drinking problem and been living the last 4 1/2 years of our marriage with him being sober. The funny thing is that once in a huge great while we stumble across an old dirty bottle. I feel in a safe spot where I can laugh about it and not panic that he is drinking again.

We have been thru my having zero contact with Izzy and her family to me being in reunion with Izzy.

We have watched facebook bring someone back into his life too. His father who he hadn't had contact with for many years. I know contact wasn't really his idea and meeting him wasn't his idea but deep down inside I think it was the right thing to do and hope someday he see's it that way too.

We are not the most romantic couple. Most likely there won't be any cards, flowers or candy. I had planned to get him a card and a candy bar just like I did for a friend but my son's playdate lasted late cause the Mom had forgotten. It's not unusal for my son to take first place.

There won't be a date. I work 12 hours. Lately, our biggest outing together has been almost a monthly trip to the Goodwill 1.23 sale and maybe lunch at Burger king! I won't lie and say I don't wish for flowers, candy or dates but it doesn't mean that we don't love each other.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Back to my trip.. Again despite not liking to travel it was a nice time. Oddly enough.. I didn't feel weird or uncomfortable around my Mom alone. Maybe, it was cause of the radio, and travel stuff to distract my mind.. or maybe it's cause I have healed enough to face my Mother without thinking of all the negative.

I felt really nice to get to see everyone and just have some time away from work.

The downside was that my little sister was sick and traveled to TN anyways and not sure if the trip make her worse but a day or so of being home she was hospitalized for her illness.

On Monday afternoon, my mom, my little sister drove in the rental to take my sister home and we stayed over. My Mom got a speeding ticket trying to get off an exit so my sister could use the bathroom. So then we stayed over and tuesday morning my mother and I drove the rest of the way home.

It was a six hour drive and the way home was much quieter than the way there. I think we had ran out of things to talk about except one thing. Her SPEEDING!! She got pulled over again!! haha.. Not easy for me not to laugh but the second time I actually didn't laugh.

The cop was nice and gave her an warning. I had to watch the rest of the way home cause she was going 5 to 10 mph over the speed limit still. So it was funny that I had to keep telling her to slow down.

Not sure where things will go with my Mother and myself. I like to think that we will continue to see each other on somewhat of a normal basis.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

My trip

My trip was Saturday morning until Tuesday afternoon. My Mom picked me up at 7 am and we got on the road. I was a little worried about feeling at odds being with her alone but it wasn't nearly as bad as I would have thought it to be. So maybe seeing her more often in the last 6 months or so has repaired a little of our distance.

We stopped and had breakfast and my Mother paid for me. She paid for almost everything on our trip there and back. It makes me think about how when Alex is around how I pay for everything but just for the record.. I think the difference is that I had money and could have paid.. but I am human and if someone else is going to do it then let them. So maybe that's what Alex does to me and someday his kid will do it to him.

The drive there was slightly stressful because I felt like there was some errors in my Mom's driving that made me scared. We had two near accidents and one I know was her fault and the other she said that both her and the other car changed lanes at the same time. I felt like my Mom over corrected when adjusting the car so there were times I was scared of her driving.

Also, times where I felt lost cause she said the "L" word and felt like she wasn't condident in her directions and traveling to TN.

The time spent in the car wasn't really bad at all. We didn't speak of really heavy stuff and of course we didn't talk the whole way. We had the radio to listen to and it in itself was a converstation peice.

Saturday was a busy day. My sister treated us to this place called Parrot Mountain and it was fun. I did have a parrot eat my watch and birds pooped on us but other than that it was a blast.

I loved being able to see both my sisters. It's kind of late so I will leave ya with a picture of myself and my sisters.

Will post more about the trip soon.

Saturday, October 12, 2013


Today, marks the start of my adventure of a taking a trip with my Mom. It's about a 10 hour drive and I been stressing about it. I don't care for road trips nad to be honest they scare me. I fear everything from being lost, broken down, scared of bridges to being left. Let;s not forgt that it's been years since I been alone with her.

I have had a rough week. I been stressing about this trip and some ongoing money troubles.. ya know there is never enough of it. I have tried to reduce my diet soda intake to save cash and also am worried about not being able to pee every hour and trying to get lessen the need my body has for it.

I am also in that week before my period strikes which makes me a bitch. It doesn't help that I haven't worked out this week and haven't slept well. I been pretty bitchy.

My husband has been great trying to help me get ready and see this as an adventure. Sometimes, I don't give him enough credit.

I am leaving in an half hour and coming back on Tuesday. This will be my longest time away from home so I suppose part of me doesn't want to leave home. I am excited to see my sisters and maybe even smooth things over with my Mom. I don't mean any heart to heart talks. That seems to logical for me to do.

I am going to disable comment moderations so this would be a perfect time to share with me what it is that your spouce does for you that you don't always appreciate or time to ask questions of me.

Or tell me about your favorite trip.

I didn't make my weight loss goal of 80lbs today but that's okay.

I have had an incrediable stressful week at work. My clients seem to be going down hill and wish I could fight the mental demons that is scaring one of them.

Ok. I better go. Comment away and let me come home to something fun to read. I don't know how well my phone will work there so I might not be online again until Tuusday.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

unanswered letters

I feel like Izzy's Mother and I are slowly adjusting to the other one. I know the fact that I think she hated me and wanted to shove me off the cliff could all been in my head but I did have the unanswered letters. Well, anyways, I mentioned she liked the status of the flowers I sent Izzy.

Last night, Izzy posted something on facebook and her and Mom were commenting on the post and sometimes I stay out of it and other times I jump in. I don't mean jumping in fights or disagreements.. not that I seen any of that sort.

Anyways, Izzy was saying how all boys are naughty and I said not all are something to the extent that mine only fight each other. She liked my status. Before Izzy's birthday, I have been known to like her Mother's comment once or twice.

When Izzy posted about her Mom being sad that her son was gone to boot camp.. I wrote something to the extent of poor momma.. I would be crying too. Maybe it's like a slow dance. We are slowly poking around and see how far can we get. We shall see what happens in the near feature. I would love to know Izzy's Mom for her she is really is and not just the person who lied to me. I hope that makes sense.

Speaking of unanswered letters.. Does anyone ever recall me talking about writing a truancy officer a letter? I don't know how long ago it was or maybe it was written before I even started blogging.

I ran into the truancy officer that delt with my skipping, delt with taking me to court for truancy, delt with trying to get my sister into preschool. Gave me a ride home when I had headlice. Yuck! Arranged for my myself, sisters and brothers to get Christmas presents when I was in the 8th grade.

This is the dreaded year I got pregnant. See kids. don't skip school. It's bad for you.

He came to the next school to visit me. He has heard the bad news from the new truancy officer. I spoke to him last when I was about 19 years of age.

I don't have memory of this unanwered letter but it is something that I am likely to do. I get people from the past stuck in my head and I want to thank them for all they did.

I ran into him at the store the other day. I seen it was him and pretty sure and my first instint was go to him and then I decided to ignore him and then I decided I had to know.

Sure enough it was my guy who was there for me but much older. Once he realized who I was and he remembered my name he gave me a hug! He said he got my letter and it was very touching. He said I was looking well and I told him I had lost a lot of weight.

I didn't know when I wrote him but I didn't think it had been in the last few years so I told him about my reunion with my daughter and he was surprised. I felt so nice to see him and when I left I gave him another hug.

I wonder if I am the only one who forms a bond or attatchment to school officials. Is it just cause I like authority or cause I didn't get the attention from home. I almost didn't write this out of fear of feeling corny.

I do wonder why someone him or her would get a letter touching or begging and not reply. He has been on my mind lately because since my husband got his new job I drive past the diner he took me for breakfast one day after court. Don't worry his wife was there too.

I have thought about sending him a picture of Izzy and me but not sure if I will or not. Maybe do it for Christmas. I love seeing things come full circle.. people that seen me at my worst seeing me at my best 22 years later.

I figure I don't have to decide at the moment. Speaking of sending him Christmas card.. maybe send one to Izzy's parents too. Good thing we have a few months. I will probably go back and forth on these two people.

Monday, October 7, 2013

upcoming post

I am close to having lost 80lb to date! When I hit 80lb lost I will post an blog pots how I think my weight loss and my reunion have went hand and hand. So hopefully you will see a well written post about weight loss and adoption reunion within a week or two.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

My trip is getting closer and I am having second doubts about my decision to go. I am not sure if it's the nerves or the smaller checks I will earn due to taking time off. I will be going basically as getting a free ride. I won't have money to chip in for gas. I will have money to pay for myself to eat but I imagine my Mom might try to pay to feed me but not sure. Not sure if I can honestly turn down free meals and not feel like a mooch.

It's seems like all at once my son is needing quite a few things and it's the things that can't be put off too long.. Like some new shoes, a new winter coat and really could use a little bit of clothes.

I really need a new phone. I tried Stright talk and it just sucked!! I can't stand it. I know a cell phone isn't as high of a need but we don't have a home phone so me having a working phone is important. It's not that I will put on cash for the phone cause they have a deal but I will have to pay about 20 more than I have been paying the last couple months. but it will still be about 30 to 40 cheaper than what I have been paying for almost 2 years.

Tomorrow I will see Alex for the first time he got his job. I don't recall how long it's been since he has been working. I think I have failed in the dept of getting over my fear and traveling to see him. I would like to get past that but honestly the hour drive there and the hour home sort of gets in the way of a tyical lunch or visit.

He is actually in town tonight but my husband and I both had to work. So he will come over tomorrow after I get done babysitting at the church and then stay the night. I told him I am free until Tuesday when I got to work.

It will be interesting to see how the job is handling him. He was getting sort of thin.

Speaking of traveling, this time tomorrow I will be in Tennesee with my both of my sisters' and her family and our Mom. I am a little nervous about the trip and hope my Mom knows I don't read a map. I am a little worried about my diet soda addiction. I can't imagine I can drink what I normally drink and still make it in decent time. I do in home care so I can guzzle lots of diet soda and water and pee every hour. I am not going to be able to pee every hour so I shouldn't guzzle so much of either liquid. I will end up with a major headache from the lack of caffiene.

I hope to be at 80lbs lost by the weekend but I doubt I will make it. I am not eating little enough food to create that big of a drop so fast.