Sunday, August 15, 2010
I don't like it when people uses God's will and adoption together and then also say that a full reunion will happen if it's God's will. Always made me wonder what I did to God to make him so pissed. So, if adoptive couples think God's will has something to do with you finding a women who has to place a child for adoption. And if an adoption doesn't happen does that mean that they pissed God off? haha.. I guess that's why even though I do like Church that I don't buy into the God's will thing.. I screwed up. I didn't know my rights. God didn't have anything to do with it. A set of twin girls died in Chicago due to the parents neglect. If God can't save those two girls... he doesn't have time for adoption. Maybe he was taking a coffee break.
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You're right. Throwing the phrase "God's will" around in adoption can be very hurtful to those whose families are dismantled by adoption. What Adoptive Parents may view as the answer to their prayers, a First Mother may view as God denying her her prayers. I've seen newer First Mothers all but stiffle their own feelings in order to force themselves to accept that their loss and pain was "meant to be."
Loss and pain marks the failure of society to support its most vulnerable citizens. God does not rob Peter to give to Paul. He does not bring calamity on one of his children so than another one of his children can benefit from it.
I don't think people who throw that phrase around know just how hurtful it is. ((((hugs)))
This is an interesting post, and I’ll try to explain things from my point of view as a Christian who believes in God’s will in all things. In a perfect world there would be no adoption, broken families, or infertile couples. But we don’t live in that world. We live in a broken and sinful world. As a Christian, it all starts for me with God. God is sovereign, and His will is done in all things. I on the other hand am born with a sinful nature (due to Adam’s disobedience). Only because of God’s grace do I do anything good. I try my best to do what is right and to have desires and motives that are pleasing to him. On my own I can do no good, but it is the Holy Spirit who helps me to do good. God may bless me with good things or he may give me difficult trials to face. He may allow those who do bad things to have good things. This may seem unfair, but I trust that whatever happens is all part of his plan. His plans are not to give me what I want, but to give praise and glory to himself. I may not know why he sends me a trial, but I have to trust that it is for his own glory. Let me say that many times I struggle with trusting that his ways are better than my desires. After a trial I may later see the benefits, such as a stronger faith in him. On our own all of us have upset God, but only because of Christ’s death on the cross can we be made right with God. We all deserve to die, even “innocent” babies. The Bible says “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” So anyone dying is not because God can’t save, but God being the just judge that he is. We can be thankful knowing that God is gracious, and gives us life each and every day. Knowing God will not solve all our problems, but it will give us peace and a hope for the future – eternal life with him. So whether I am able to adopt again or not has nothing to do with me getting God mad. It has everything to do with his plan for my life and everyone else involved. It’s so much bigger than me. You don’t need to respond to this, and sorry this is so long. I just wanted to explain things from my point of view. I truly hope that you are able to find peace because it seems that you are really hurting.
Your post really got me thinking. As one who uses the phrase "God's will" I thought I should respond to this post. For me it's all about God's sovereignty, not what you or I may want or deserve. I wrote a reply too long to post here, but I'll gladly email it to you.
I understand your feelings on this. It does seem that it is a very insensitive phrase to just throw around. I do believe that God has a plan for each of us, but that He has also given each of us free will. Sometimes what He wants for us and what we do don't line up. And then when you throw other people in the mix who each want their own thing it gets all jacked up! :/
I agree completely. I HATE it when people through that phrase around! This is a deep theological idea, one I don't have full understanding of (and of course no one will understand completely this side of heaven). That said, we do know that God's will is "good and perfect". Adoption, even in those situations where it might be the best option in a difficult situation, is most certainly not perfect.
God is not a God of brokenness. I do wonder what people are thinking sometimes!
I don't believe that we are puppets and that God controls everything. God gives us choices and we can choose to act on those choices or not.
I don't think adoption is ever God's first choice. I don't think that God purposely made me infertile and then got J pregnant so she could give me her baby. I think I am infertile because... (insert theory here. I have lots of them... none because I was BAD). I made the CHOICE to adopt among many choices God gave me. J made choices, got pregnant and then made additional choices, none of those things happened because she was BAD. What I do believe is that God had his hand in us finding each other... because it being strictly coincidental would be too hard to swallow and this does feel right (to me).
I don’t believe that all adoptions are meant to be. I do believe mine is “meant to be given this circumstances” because I would never say that J was meant to hurt in the way I am certain she does although never says. I also realize that J could feel completely different.
I don’t believe it was God’s will that you didn’t raise Izzy. I do HOPE that it was God that put Izzy’s parents in her life because they would be the best parents for her. I hope that for her. I don’t believe you did anything wrong and that losing Izzy was God’s punishment for you. I don’t believe that for one second.
That last sentence of your post made me laugh. Really hard. Good one.
I am a Christian and believe in God's sovereignty as well.
However, life is a balance between God's sovereignty and humankind's personal responsibility. God is not responsible for the sin in the world. But he does say that he will make good out of it.
The problem with taking adoption and stamping "God's Will" on it is (1) a finite person pressuming to know the mind of an infinite being and (2) assuming that adoption is one event with a beginning and an end to it where you can look back and say "this event occured, ergo, it must have been God's Will."
That sounds very much like Consequentialism, a moral code the Bible does not follow.
Adoption, like life, does not have an end. It is a part of our continuous life cycle and our life cycle is just a part of the timeline of the world as a whole which goes in waves of good and bad--humankind bringing about destruction and God restoring balance.
For some people adoption may be God making good out of a bad situation. For some people, adoption may be a bad situation that God will make good out of.
I personally find it hard to say what is and isn't "God's Will" until I am standing by his throne one day, and he tells me so.
I don't believe that suffering is from God, very simply because, Jesus himself cried for his friends.
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