Sunday, October 12, 2014

Follow up post

I thought I would do a follow up post from the last one. It wasn't the "I wish" that got me upset.. I felt that comment was right on for how she probably feels about the situation. It was the "you assume we don't have car payments" that I thought was harsh.. I know it's bad to assume so I get that I was never given all the details. I know she bought her car from the newspaper.. what I assumed is that she paid cash.. So I am guessing she got a loan.. I just thought how she handled my mistake was kind of rude.

Thanks everyone for all the comments. It did help me feel better. Sometimes, I need a reminder that I am not the only one who is dealing with loss and reunion struggles. She has never spoke up sadness over adoption or reunion but that doesn't mean hurt and anger isn't there.. Or it all maybe fine with her but maybe she is happy with the little contact we have.

I haven't gone into a lot of detail about my loss or how hard reunion at times is for me. She has no idea that I blog about adoption or reunion. I really don't know how she would feel about it.

I do feel that Izzy has something eating away at her but don't know if it's adoption related or not.. or maybe I am looking too much into a situation.. I am trying to compose a post about her weight in my private blog but so far it's coming along very slowly. So there. I said it. I am concerned about her weight and wonder what is eating at her for her to eat so much? Or is it just as simple as too big of portions and not enough daily activity? and I am way off on her having some emotional trouble driving her to eat to get to the size that she is? I have a lot of unknowns about it.

I wonder if she has anger towards me cause I am hitting my weight loss goals and she has failed at her attempts to lose weight and keep it off? It's just a thought.. I will try to keep working on my post in my private blog cause to go further in this topic probably should be private.

I wanted to also add that I love Izzy no matter what her size or the amount of contact we have.. That doesn't mean I don't get hurt, feel sad or anger towards her or the situation.

The relationship between a birthmom and her birthdaughter is a tough one. I normally don't use term birthdaughter but it fits for this post.

We don't know each other like Mom and daughter. We don't have 23 years of memories as a Mom and daughter typically would have as if I had rasied her. We have been in contact for 5 years now. It's been 4 since we met each other face to face. I believe she moved away from home after about two years of face to face contact. So we only had a short while where we both were easily available to the other person.

It's hard to know what to talk to her about. I used to share things with her about my sons when things were tough but I don't feel that is right for her to hear about that stuff. I wouldn't want her passing judgement on things I said based on our bad days.. Either on them or thinking to herself thank God I escaped that horrible Mother.

I don't like talking to her too much about money struggles with her. I would feel like she might feel again thank god I got away from that.. I have no problem telling a close friend our struggles cause I have known her a long time and we have spent many hours over a good ten year period knowing quite a lot of stuff from each other. I don't fear my good friend judges me not does she have the same kind of thing going on where she could have been raised in my environment.

Relationship issues are kind of weird too! Maybe that is the closest ones to normal that I can think of right now. I really don't want to discuss my marriage problems or my husband's and mine's sex life about too little or too much. haha.. With my best friend nothing is off limits. Not that we sit around for hours discussing sex or marriage troubles but it's not off the table. I say this is simliar to normal for a Mother and daughter cause the topics I mentioned wouldn't be talked about with my children that I raised either.

Izzy and I had a lot in common when we both were trying to lose weight and being sucessful with it! We could really get a good conversation going about our good choices, calorie ccounting and workouts. I don't think it's quite a comfortable conversation for her anymore because she isn't losing weight and it's possible she has gained it.

Izzy is into extreme couponing but I haven't heard much about it online lately. I tried to talk to her about that to get tips but I just couldn't get into it nor could I understand how she got some amazing steals.

Izzy is really into crafts right now!! I am not sure where she got such a creative mind from. It's not that I am not interested in creating stuff but seems like I have moved past that stage in my life. She is actually trying to sell her items on a website. I checked out the website and it's pretty neat looking stuff.

Izzy is really into old items and going to flea markets and stuff like that! I am not sure if her parents on the same. My Mother is like this to a certain extent but my Mom also does this kind of hunting for old items to turn around and sell them. Izzy is also really creative with fixing up old stuff and making it look nice. I have done this sort of stuff once with an old dresser. I think sometimes money problems keeps my creative side down. When it comes to having kids to feed and cloth.. Mom doesn't get a lot of extra money to spend on herself. I wonder if Izzy parents are simliar and that is where she got it from. I believe her Mom rents a store that sells used odd's and ends. My aunt who knew Izzy's parents is simliar to my Mom so it's possible she got this collecting thing from her parents.

Thanks again for all the comments! It does help to remember she may have her own stuggles too.

1 comment:

Leah said...

It is obvious you have a beautiful heart as you process all of these things. I can't imagine the struggle the birthmom/birthchild relationship brings. Lots of positive thoughts coming your way.