Sunday, April 15, 2012

My husband brought up child support as in half of it belongs to him. While, I do agree that the money goes into our monthly income and the child support could go for any number of things and some could go into my husbands mouth and the same for my husbands unemployment could feed my childre. Its just not cut and dry that this apple is the kids and this apple is mine and my husbands. However, to call the child support half his I just don't agree with. If it ever was heard by my children who understand things different or my ex who on a really good day doesn't care for my husband I just don' t think its healthy to count half of it as my husbands.
Even though I know my husband is home with my kids when I can't be. He is doing almost all of the cleaning and laundy. He does quite a bit of the cooking. He supports me in my desires to go to the Y as often as possible.
This all maybe not an issue when school ends cause my exs job ends then too. The reason this was brought up was because my husband is still upset that he never paid what he agreed to and then skipped that first payment. Personally, I just don't want to cause trouble so its done.
I think the fact that my ex flew to Vegas has made my husband think of these things enough to talk about it.
What do you think? Is child support half his? If he went to court trying to get his half of the support that didn't come would they throw it out?


Michelle said...

the child support belongs to neither of you, it is to provide for your children. of course that means it goes into your income, but that also means it goes for what the CHILDREN need, not the adults. as a child raised in a split family, if my Mom (who raised me) had called the money hers, let alone my stepdad's, i would've had a real problem with that. and she feels the EXACT SAME way - i know because we've talked about it.

wouldn't have said anything, but since you asked, there's my take. my opinion - nothing more, nothing less.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I agree with you. Personally, I don't get the support and tell my children here is your X amount of dollars ect. The money is given to me and I use it how I see fit. That could be gas in the car to drive them, or clothing or food ect. I do use the money for them but like I said I don't split our grocery bill in half to make sure that we are not using the money for us and the same goes for whatever else money we are spending. I think the reason my husband feels the way he does because he is raising my children. (doing all the work Dad would be doing if he was living with me) also just cause most our income does work together to pay for our house, bills and food and clothing. I guess in the long run what he thinks doesn't matter as long as the needs of the children are provided for granted he doesn't say that to the children.

Karen said...

I tend to agree with Michelle on this one. You two should not be divided on the child support. It should go toward household needs for the kids. Otherwise it would be considered spousal support.

Quite honestly, if I were your X and I knew your husband was trying to claim any portion of it, it wouldn't make me like him any more than he already doesn't. Also, even if you don't let your kids hear these things, they pick up on it, somehow...they just do.

birthmothertalks said...

I agreed with Michelle too. I can't change my husbands thoughts on it but in the end his thoughts doesn't really matter cause the money comes to me on a card and I use it, my own income and at times some of my husband's for my children's needs. I agree that if my ex ever heard word that my husband was claiming it as half his that it wouldn't be good. However, at the same time no one would question it when my husband buys or provides things with his income. In the end, we are trying to the best to be a family so again if the money I have on me the child support it's not as if we are going to say my husband can't eat dinner or the other way around my kids can't eat cause it was my husband's money. I believe my husband thoughts are coming from the fact that my husband is doing the job of Dad and I know at times he gets tired. But he married me knowing he has kids and it's the same for his kids. I provide food for my 2 year old grand daughter and it's not as I am really going to look at her when she says cheese, strawberries or taco am I going to say to my husband now you make sure that comes from your pay cause we are family.
In the end, my husband's thoughts are just his thoughts. It's never expressed when my sons can hear it and in general we don't say your Dad paid for the movies or your Dad bought you this haircut. In the end, we are talking about 7 a day so 3.50 for each child. They eat that a day just in fruit.

birthmothertalks said...

I also just wanted to add that my husband also feels the way he does because he says any money is martial and there for it's half and half on all our income.