Monday, April 30, 2012


Today, I took my son for an assessment with a doctor. Excuse me for not knowing what kind of head doctor he is. My goal in seeing him is to get an IQ test and he did that today. He gave us conner forms for ourselves and a couple of his teachers to fill out. We are to see him again in two weeks during the school day again. Don't get me started on that one.

I don't know why but I want someone to confirm or deny or DX of autism. Maybe, I am wanting someone to say that it's wrong. Maybe, I want someone to say yes... he has a mental condition... your not just a bad Mom who don't know how to control her children.

I feel bad talking about my son in front of him. When I speak of his issues it almost feels like in the sceme of things that it's not so bad. So what if he has obsessions over pencils and singing to the breaking point of driving his family a little crazy. So what if he screams telling us no and then does it anyways. So what if he talks about food and demanded fast food for lunch at the appointment even though he would make it to school anytime. So what if he doesn't understand that most people wouldn't want you sitting at a table while they ate and you sat there and looked at them.

I accept and love my son the way he is but would like to see him struggle less. But at what costs? Counseling that takes him away from school? Did the counseling make him want comfort food? Kind of counter productive with our food issues.

Medication? My son is on too much already for asthma and allergies. What about side effects and long term effects? What about the drug shortage of adhd drugs and the kids and the families chasing around searching for "drugs" What happens if someday down the road there is lack of insurance or money for drugs and he self medicates with something else.

By not medicating... am I doing my son a dis service? Is moving at turtle speed and going about things the hardest way a bad thing?

He goes to his first counseling session tomorrow and we will miss our Y night. We will have to have a late dinner. Again, I wonder if it's counter productive.

Sometimes, I feel like I just must not be a good Mom. Both of my sons are just not being very successful. I been getting into it with Alex how he barely does his chores and expects 15 a week. I redid his chore list and gave him two months to have a job and after that I won't pay. I was given the idea to give him a dollar amount for snacks and it words to certain extent cause he isn't helping himself to food anymore but he is basically getting a free run to to get whatever he wants because he sneaks food. Alex is skinny and fit and can eat and eat and not gain weight. We have asked Alex to be discreet and not eat extras in front of Stephen and not to ask us for sweets right after we told Stephen no. I get mad cause I think his brother should understand that his brother has issues and not make life harder for us.

Sorry for going on and on.


Whatcnido said...

Could it be that your older son has a problem with his little brother not being 'normal'? Taking it out on him. How does Alex feel inside? Does he really understand the situation? Or does he think it is all fake. Does he think his brother receives more attention because of his 'thing'? It's possible. I mean, you are having to deal with whether you are a good mom or not.(You are.) How does his dad treat Stephan? Dad's can be a major influence, wrong or right. Just a cpl of thoughts.

birthmothertalks said...

Dad is wanting to see him more than he used to but there are still times where it seems like he treats Alex to dinner but drops Stephen off. We hear from Alex that its okay cause Alex friends parents treated him. That is another story. I don't know how Alex feels about his brother. I feel if his own brother can't accept him then who will.