Friday, January 30, 2009

Transfer from old blog

have mentioned that my Aunt was good friends with the couple that adopted my daughter. My Mom and us kids were living in her basement shortly after my baby was born. Her husband put up some walls, and we had our own private living space, but no kitchen and bathroom. It was better than staying in the motel room. It did however have it's disadvantages too though. My aunt was a constant reminder of where my baby girl went and she was pregnant too.
I have a few memories of my Aunt and Uncle trying to help me, but it always back fired. My Uncle would come downstairs. (that's where the washer and dryer was) He would find me crying and try to ask what was wrong. He didn't have much patience for me and would get upset with me because, I was causing too much trouble. How was I sitting in my living room causing trouble for them? I don't know. I do give him credit for trying to help, but he didn't know how to help.

My aunt once took me to play Bingo to get me out of the house. Boy did that ever back fire. We ran into Izzy's parents. What a shock. That didn't take my mind off of things, but she tried. It was poor planning on her part, because I am sure she knew that this was a hangout for them too.

When I first had Izzy, my aunt promised, she would take pictures of her, because they were friends. As a young teenager, I didn't know she didn't have the right to make that kind of promise to me.

In the 17 years, I have only gotten two pictures. One was before the adoption was final. As far as I know it was for me, but the second picture, from when she was a little older wasn't for me. I have been upset with her, because she didn't keep her word. It took me quite a long time to realize she didn't have the right to say she would give me pictures. Every so often, I would ask her to try again and the answer was always no. Up until the year, the last time I asked her to ask must have been around the year 2000 or so. That was when I had my second son. The answer she came back with was no and they said they are thinking of coming back to the state, but if she is going to cause trouble then we won't. I always felt like I was this evil person, because I asked for a picture. What kind of trouble am I causing by wanting to see a picture. Is it the reminder that they didn't bring her into this world bother them?

My husband asked her for me a few months ago. The answer was no. That she is well off, and wants to meet me when she is 18 years of age. I have no way if it's some sick game she plays to get us of her back. Then I resorted to writing the letter. Will post about that some other day.

As I have really done some thinking about the whole situation with my aunt. She isn't a person that I could ever have good feelings about anymore. There is too much anger. I will say this though. There is no way I can forgive her for telling me something that she knew better about promising. I am 32 years of age, and I know that I can't promise pictures of someone else's kid to someone else. With all that aside. I am willing to see how she really put herself in a bad spot. She made herself the middle man for a adoption. I don't see her the same way anymore. There is a good chance that Ashley's parents don't see her the same way anymore. She probably has felt really uncomfortable having to ask pictures for me, and feeling stuck in the middle. They might not be as good as friends as they were before the adoption.

I tried at first to keep in contact with my Aunt, because she was my connection to Izzy. It however became too painful, and I was just satisfied that my Mom was in contact with her. I just wished her parents had a little more trust in me, and know that I am not going to do anything to cause them trouble. All I really wanted was to be able to see my daughter grow from the sidelines. (Meaning pictures and little bits of information) Just wanted a little peace of mind. Is that really too much to ask for.
I once had to give away a dog. We moved and couldn't keep her anymore. It made me really sad. The people who took her for us let us come and visit the dog. We did that once and that was enough to sastify my need to see that she was being taken care of. If someone can adopt a dog, and show compassion, then how come parents that adopt can't show some compassion too.
This whole dog discussion is off the subject of adoption, but oh well. A little over a year ago, we bought our first house. I was able to get my dog of choice, because we had the space now. That is a black lab, her name is Ann. I think of her as my reward for buying my house.

I only have four more weeks left of school, so I may have to slow down on writing to focus on school work. Bye all.

1 comment:

Jenn said...

i just get so angry at people who don't understand the sacrifice that birthparents make. when we first started our adoption plans, we just wanted a closed contact at all. there was a fear about "sharing" our child. but once you get to know any birthparent and learn about their fears and love for their baby, how can you not want to keep that contact??? i know there is a huge learning curve to this - we had to go through it. i also understand adoption is a lot different than it was when your daughter was born. i can't imagine not having visits with our birthparents, let alone sending photos!!!! i'm sure they had their own fears and thought they were protecting their daughter. *sigh* there is no easy answer is there?