my first love

I met my first love around the 7Th grade year, I can't pinpoint it, but I know it was before the school year ended. His name Was Todd and I believe he was about five years older than me. He lived in a small apartment with another guy, and didn't work. He never had any money. I am not sure how he managed to eat or survive, but he did. As a young girl, (too young to be with him) I didn't care that he didn't have money. He gave me attention, and I believed we had love. I thought I would be with him for a long time. Todd wasn't a trouble maker, but not making the right decisions about his life. I can't pinpoint how long we were together, but I remember right before the 8Th grade year, he was trying to break up with me. My heart was broken, I didn't not want to be in his life. I will never forget him telling me that I would be okay, that I would be around others my age. Later on in the years, I always wondered was he trying to break up with me, because he knew that it was wrong. Or was he just trying to take the easy way of breaking up with me. Or was it because his life wasn't going into a good spot. We didn't break up at this time.

Todd did end up moving though, but never told me why. I am guessing it had to do something with lack of money. Before he moved though, I remember standing in his apartment, telling him that I thought I was pregnant. He said no your not, and I said I think I am. He said again, "you will be okay. Soon after I believed he moved, and didn't tell me where he went. I only seen him when he chose to come by. My memory is fuzzy so I can't say how much longer I was in contact with him. I don't think it was very long, because I don't think I ever had the chance to say that I am for sure pregnant.

So I was pregnant and he was gone. I didn't even remember his last name, it was hard to spell. All I knew about him at the time was that he was adopted and didn't have a good relationship with his parents and what the name of his first love was. I remember being jealous, because I wanted to be his first love.

Sometime during my early part of the pregnancy my family moved, and I was no longer in contact with Todd. I don't know who officially left who. I don't know if Todd would have stepped up to the plate or continued to live in denial like me. I was in denial about my pregnancy. If I denied the pregnancy, I could deny that I was having a baby.