My parents lived together until around my 6th grade year. My Dad was the strict one and the one that seemed to do the discipline. His methods during my childhood during the 70"S and 80"s could be borderline abuse today. Some of the things my Dad pulled seemed sort of cruel and I must admit that my older sister probably had to deal with my shortcomings.
During the years of their marriage, I don't really remember my Mom much. I don't know if that's cause she was more of a stable employer or what. I have little bits of memories here and there of my Mom but more of my memories are that of with my sister.
I hate to admit that I was happy when my parents split up. I don't think that's a normal reaction to divorce but it's my truth. I just felt my Dad was mean.
Looking back I now know that when my Dad left that was the beginning of our new challenges in our life. We know longer had two parents watching out for us. Before, maybe, we had to half ass parents doing their best but then we had a 1/3 ass parent going through her own life change and let us lose in the world.
I can't speak for my sister if she was already behaving badly or not but for me it was when the skipping school started, hanging around my sister's friends and even our very badly eating habits.
We didn't have anyone asking us for report cards or cooking us meals or even driving us to the store to get food. Don't get me wrong she left us with money to get food but she just plain left us alone to fend for ourselves. The longest she was ever gone was the 3 day weekend and that is a lot of time for kids to be on their own.
I don't mean to make this about my Mom cause trying to keep it about my Dad but the fact is that my Dad wasn't there. He seen us from time to time but he didn't sleep in the same house as us and know longer were we a "family" doing family things and dinner.
One thing though I never doubted that our Dad loved us. We once went to an friend of his island and we rode in his car and my Dad rode his motorcycle and the man drove crazy fast with my myself, my sister and my baby brother. My Dad almost killed the guy. My Dad is old now and still tells people if they mess with his kids he will kick their ass. It's cute.
My Dad was the type that caused anyone that came close to him physical pain. He would be playing and hurt people. People learned to keep a distance and try to stay far enough.
I never really deep down blamed my Dad too much about the loss of my daughter but I do know that he didn't come to my rescue so in a sense I have felt upset at times because I wanted to say where the hell were you? How come you didn't raise hell and fight with our Mom for her neglect?
Most of the times, I have felt like asking something like that has been when he puts my Mom on a pedestal and says he has no reason to be mad at her that she did no wrong. I know he isn't talking about my daughter or adoption at those times but I felt like what the hell are you saying? Mom did no wrong? In what area of her life are you measuring she did no wrong?
I feel like this is too long. Maybe I will revisit the post about Dad on another post on another day. But wish my Dad good luck and a speedy recovery for a hernia operation he is going to have next week.