Thursday, June 7, 2012

Izzy met me Tuesday evening to get our nails done and dinner. She brought her boyfriend too. After the nails, she casually mentioned she had an ear ache but didn't say much about it. We drove in our separate cars to go to the place we agreed upon for dinner.

It was there that she really let it know that she was really in a lot of pain. It was the most uncomfortable experience I have had with her to this date. I felt like an ass. I wanted to say that we didn't have to go out if she didn't feel well. But how could she have came to me and said I don't feel well after the canceling joke got me very upset. We haven't talked about me being upset but I know about it and she knows about it. I so badly wanted to say we didn't have to go but I was afraid of her reaction to that one.

We had our salad and then she just decided to leave so she could go to the doctor. I felt bad cause I was thinking was I missing something her Mom would catch? I don't know her as well as I would like to. I even felt a little bad cause I was even a little irritated about spending the amount of cash I did for the food that I had gotten to eat. But the pure watching her in pain and made me not really hungry so that wasn't too much on my mind but I just wanted to be honest with you all.

Izzy texted me that night and told me what was wrong with her ear and how it was feeling somewhat better now and her medications she has to take. She said she was sorry for having to leave like that and hoped I had gotten enough to eat. I told her that I was full but normally for X amount of dollars I eat more than salad and did the LOL

I texted her yesterday to see how she was doing and said it still improving and still hurts. I told her to get rest and I am glad she was getting better. She is leaving on Saturday so I threw out the option for her to meet me for a walk on Friday. She said she is taking her Dad out for father's day and would get back to me.

I hope I get to take that walk and see her all on my own. I crave the one on one moments and haven't gotten that since before she moved. I know her adoptive family comes first and logically I get that. But my heart doesn't get it. My heart says they had 18 years and let's share her a little. I have to accept the possibility that she will go home without me seeing her again.

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