Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Part of the club

I was having my lunch yesterday in the coffee shop that is in the retirement home and I couldn't help but hear a conversation between the head waitress and one of the customers. They were talking about the lack of a good mother daughter relationship that they each has/had with their Mother.

I couldn't help but comment and told them I was part of that club too. I told them I haven't had a good relationship with my Mom that even though I know it's missing I am not sure how to create one with my Mom.

I hope no one thought I was rude for jumping in but lately I get treated like an employee meaning they see me in there three times a week. I told the ladies how I have come to terms with the relationship at her level. I can have a superficial conversation but that's it.

I said it helps that I have a dear lady in my life that has known me off and on since I was in high school who has filled that role that I am missing. It's probably not quite the same as Mother and Daughter but it's the best I can describe it. We have spoken of each other as if we have adopted each other. I know some people don't like the word "adopted" to be used lightly and I apologize if that offends anyone.

Pam is the person that I can call and just feel the love and affection come from the phone. She is a person that when we get together and hug that the hug is for real. There is a real connection between us.

I made Pam a homemade Christmas card and sent it to her. She called me today to shamefully apologize for not calling sooner. I had been thinking about her and wondering why she hadn't called but I know some people travel so I knew she would call.

I find it ironic that she called the day after I was sharing part of my story with one stranger and one person who I see three times a week. It's because of Pam that I can accept and move on a lot easier with my relationship that I do have with my Mom.

If I feel the sting of rejection from my Mom.. I can just go to my happy place and remember the love that I get so easily from Pam. I can remember how inviting she is when I need someone to talk to or want to come visit.

I can think back on how excited and happy she was when I told her about my first face to face reunion with my daughter.

I can think back about all her soft spoken words of advice and admiration at all I have been through.

I can remember how I called her and asked to see her around Christmas time one year ago and told her I had a little something for her. The "little something" was to surprise her with my daughter. She was shocked! Amazed! Thrilled! to just name a few emotions she felt.

I remember how easily the three of us sat in her dining room and talked as if we all known each other for a long time. I know she was happy that day. I know I was really happy to show off my daughter to my mother like figure in my life.

No comments: