Tuesday, January 22, 2013

advice please

I am thinking of telling my son really soon that starting the first of the month it will be a rule that he leaves the house say 3 or 4 days a week for job hunting. I would like to put a time frame on it.

Any advice to what would be a fair time or reasonable time to expect him to job hunt. Keep in mind he doesn't drive so if he plans on going to places other than in the neighborhood he will have bus time.

I think he needs to have plans on where he is going to go and make the most of it but applying for jobs that are in the same area. Not that all the jobs applied for should be bunched together but it would make sense if there are several business close to try for them all.

I really do think my son has the end goal of April 15th on his mind and thinks he has time. I would agree with this thinking if he was hunting and had a positive attitude that something will come up in his search.

However, I don't think he is searching. He is being plain lazy and is stuck in the mindset of me me me. He bitches when we ask him to carry groceries in and not taking the time to think that Mom doesn't really want to go shopping for the food.

Or when we ask him to empty the dishwasher he only does the dishes and leaves the pots and pans on the counter and the silverware in the washer. He says he didn't have time but they were in there all day.

These little things that he does and only does an half ass job and bitching is what is going to make it hard for him to get a job and keep a job. It makes me very sad to think about the future he will have if he doesn't learn what it takes to be a good employee.

My husband said isn't this idea what I tried to do and caught hell for.. I guess it's close to being the same but he has the bus pass and he will be getting notice and I figure we will set certain days so it's not a surprise to just get up and get the hell out.

Any advice on times and days would be appreciated. Or anything else anyone might suggest that we do to jump start his job searching.


Janine said...

My niece is job hunting. She has to be out the door mon - fri at 8am and is expected to not be back until 5ish. Her getting up and motivated has done her the world of good!

birthmothertalks said...

Question: Is the niece able to drive? I don't know if I could put that long of a time on it due to extreme cold. And how long has that been going on? Part of my concern of having him out too long is that I will have to be footing the cost for job searching outside of the neighborhood.

kathy said...

I RESISTED....I failed. Again if you were not giving him a timeline he would be more motivated. Get a local map. When I lived in MAINE my husband and I had 1 vehicle and no bus service in the town, only taxi which was not in our budget. We calculated how far I could walk to work and hunted in that area. Some days were quite cold of course, but offering co workers gas money for those days worked fine. If he was on his own, he would find a way because he has observed you overcoming adversity throughout your life while raising him. Think on this, because he has to become self sufficient sometime, you wont be there forever. Stop being afraid youll be like your mom, We have no choice in how our kid percieves us regardless of how hard we try.

kathy said...

When I lived in Maine there was no bus, only a taxi service which was costly. We only had one vehicle which my husband used to drive quite a distance to work. We had a child so to save childcare costs we chose my available work hours opposite his so that meant no vehicle available for me much of the time. Your son has no child to consider transporting without a car. We took a map looked at what was feasible to walk sometimes with a child. Hunted for jobs in that circle. Maybe they were not the funnest or biggest bucks jobs BUT we saved enuf in a reasonable time to purchase a car for me. Those real cold days He could arrange to pay his coworkers like I did for gas to take him to & from work. but as long as you dont think he should have to learn to be self sufficient during hard times he wont.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks for you advice. Giving no timeline could mean he stays forever while he "looks" for a job. Trust me if we were not in the middle of winter we would push for a sooner out day. Even most judges won't evict people in the dead of the winter. About the car issue.. I have no issues with him needing to walk or take buses.. It's what I did. I have only been driving for 8 years. We believe my son has a confidence problem and doesn't quite know how to talk to people and job search ect. This is an area we struggle to teach because both my husband and I plus my child's father got jobs as teens and none of our parents had to push jobs. Any others with advice.

Janine said...

My neice can not drive, she it either dropped into town when her parents go to work, or takes the bus, or rides her bike. She has been hunting for 3.5 weeks now, and has a job working at a cafe for 45 hours a week!
How is it all going?

birthmothertalks said...

Congrats on the job for her. My son would have to depend on the same catching rides when it works out and bus and his own two feet. Nothing really new here.