Monday, October 17, 2011

Dear Todd (birthfather)

I had a dream about you. I don't know how we came to find each other but I was able to talk to you. I asked why you left me so long ago? I told you that you were the love of my life. I am confused on why I would say that cause honestly my second husband is the love of my life. I did love you once and you walked away. You also walked away from our daughter.
Maybe, I dreamed of you cause I had dinner with Izzy the other night. She is beautiful and fun to be with. I know I don't know her really well, but when I am with her I feel like I have known her for years. I guess the dream could have sparked from seeing Izzy and wondering what could have been if I would been able to raise her. I hope someday I can give Izzy the other half of her dna to know where she came from. I have searched and ran out of ideas so it's up to you Todd to find her and that would be most likely by finding me. It shouldn't be too hard if you try. I still live in the same town. My name is changed but that's not too hard if you know how to search. I  have an FB account with the last name that you knew me from way back then. I have had several of my sister's old friend's friend me so just maybe you will find me that way. Hope your safe and happy and just maybe someday you will see Izzy for the first time.


Karen said...

I can sooo relate to this post. My son's birth father left me when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. I kept my son and raised him. His birth father abandoned him completely by the time he was 5 years old. I never said anything bad to my son about his birth father, and in fact, often kept our talks positive. My son is now 27 years old, and I found his birth father on FB, so I gave my son the info. It took him 2-3 times to write to his birthfather on FB for him to respond. Ultimately, he told his birthfather that he forgives him for leaving him. His birth father wrote back and told him, "It's not me who needs your forgiveness, it's your mother! She was so damaging to you all those years. She kept me from you."
My son read me that response as well as his responses back to his birth father.
What a slap in the face, for both my son and myself. He couldn't even accept my son's forgiveness.
I've often wondered how it would have been different if we would have stayed together, but the "what if's" are only the what if's, if my ex was different than he was. I fear that the real "what if's" would have been darker times than I can even imagine.
Honestly, I dont think he has changed in all these years. Sad. Tragic for my son. His heart will always have a hole in it where his birthfather took a piece of it and never gave it back. It probably would have been better for him to have never known him, than to find out what type of person he really is.

birthmothertalks said...

Karen, what your son's birthfather did to him was horrible. That is very sad and wouldn't it be fun to run him over with the car. Just kidding. I hope your son was able to see through him and know who was telling the truth. I think I dream about Todd from time to time cause of the fact that he didn't sign papers cause he ran off or we were seperated by our moves and honestly I am not sure who is to blame. He did move first and didn't tell me where so I guess the blame would be on him. He found me a few years later and was very upset and I can't just forget the hurt he experienced whether it was his fault or not.