Friday, September 10, 2010

Tomorrow is Izzy's birthday. I have had a hard week. It includes some dreams of when I was still Izzy's Mom. I was begging my Mom to let me keep her. It doesn't make it easy to go back to sleep. So, when it comes to sleep, I haven't gotten as much as I like.
I still made my trip to the Ymca three times this week. It's a lifesaver for me. I love the pool. Now that I am working again, I have to cut my workout times from two hours to about one hour to one hour and half. I try to mix it up and love how refreshing it feels to do laps. I also love sitting in the sauna. It doesn't take the place of my hot tub but it does feel good.
I am expecting tomorrow to be hard. I wish I could say that I am ok because I have contact. I am better but not okay. If you want to read about last year, you can go here. I think I have come a long way.
I have been out of counseling since the beginning of summer. I miss it. I miss having those two hours to really talk about how I was feeling. I didn't have to sugar coat it or hide my emotions. I could cry if I wanted to. Now, I have made some progress in the area that I do have a few people that I can talk to. But they don't get it but do listen. My best friend knowing it was Izzy's birthday invited me to a birthday party. I told her I didn't think it would be good for me, but I asked who it was for. It was for her two year old niece. Nope. Not a party that I can handle in September.
I did get to play a part in her birthday by sending her a present or two. It felt so good. I will be honest though. I did it for me and not so much her. I needed to have that experience. But it wasn't just me.
I treated myself to a three day weekend and I am without kids until Sunday evening. Tomorrow, my husband and I are going to try to stay busy and take a road trip. It will be good for me. The night time is what I worry about though.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

You are still Izzy's mom. Motherhood is forever.