Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What I didn't know 19 years ago

  • Didn't know the terms closed adoption, semi open or open adoption.
  • Didn't know the term home study.
  • Didn't know that there was always the chance that my daughter could have went to someone else.
  • I didn't know that when the adoption agencies provided counseling to women in places like McDonald's that it was most likely a form of controlling the situation.
  • Didn't know that 19 years later, I would still ache for my daughter.
  • Didn't know that my life would totally change.
  • Didn't know that it would be my last chance at a daughter.
  • Didn't know that I would lead a secret life.
  • Didn't know that after my daughter left the hospital and before the TPR's were signed I could have gotten her back.
  • I didn't know that people would look down on me because I am a birthmother.
  • I didn't know that I could love someone so much that it sometimes makes me wish that I could turn it off.
  • I didn't know that everyone around me would have girls but I wouldn't.
So, the next time someone tells me what you don't know can't hurt you. I am going to have to disagree.


Lori said...

We never know, because if we did, we would not relinquish.

May I link this to my EDU Blog? I find it wonderful...

birthmothertalks said...

You sure can. I can't remember are you following my private blog yet?

Leah said...

I'm sorry for the difficult things you have had to learn and endure along the way.

Lori said...

@birthmothertalks, no actually I'm not - I don't know where to find it!

And thank you - I think that entries this honest have real value.

birthmom1986 said...

That is a beautiful post, and it is the truest thing. EVER

birthmothertalks said...

Lori If you will leave me on email address I can send you an invite. Leah Thanks for the support. I know sometimes what I say is old news but I feel better if I can vent.
And lastly Birthmom1986 I would call you by your real name but I am not sure that you disclose it in blog land. Thanks for all your support and your story gives me hope and without hope I can't make it through these times.

Anonymous said...

These things are 'spot on', and trust me even up until a couple months ago, I didn't know some of them either.

I'd love to read your private blog as well. My email is: wsbirthmom at gmail dot com.

@Lori - AMEN!