It's been a while since I wrote you last. I guess it's hard because I know that my actions helped you lose our daughter to adoption. Of course, your actions didn't help not lose her either. To this day, I don't know if we were seperated because you were running from the fact that you got your underage girl pregnant or you just were moving on and it didn't include me.
I don't recall that you even know her birthday. She was born on Sept 11 1991. I won't tell you here real name because I want to protect her privacy. I call her Izzy on here. She was born health despite the fact that I didn't go to the doctor during my pregnancy. I don't recall how much she weighed or the exact time. If I had to guess, I would say about 3 pm in the afternoon. It was a pretty easy deliverly. I only made it to the hospital with a few mintutes to spare. I have had two more kids and it's my belief that the less medical care the easier the delivery will be and safer for the baby. It's ironic that the one without prenatal care or medical help through the labor was able to go home within 24 hours. How sad. My sons both required and extended stay. I missed so much. I know that you did too. I am sorry about how I didn't tell the truth. I ams sorry that our daughter doesn't have access to your name because I forgot your last name.
I remember that day that you found me at your job. I was so scared. I could see your pain. I knew the ache in your eyes. It was in my eyes too. I know that you wanted information on her and I wouldn't give it to you. You will have to understand that I did what was best. I couldn't risk you trying to get her after she been with her parents for two years.
I will never forget how you told me that I was the second girl to give up your baby. I wonder if it was Johanna. I remember how I was jealous of her. She was your first love. You told me once that you had a special spot for her and would never forget her. Was it that you were bonded by a child? And you lost that child too? I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know where you. But I feel that I too can never forget you. You are my child's father. Your not the father that kissed and held her. Your not the father that taught her to ride a bike or helped with homework. You are not the father that was there to meet her boyfriend when she brought him home. However, you are the father that created her and that does count for something. Again, like I said, she is beautiful. I haven't met her yet but I do have some contact. I wonder where you are? Did you ever get over the loss of two children? Was it both girls or one of each? Did you go on to marry and finally get to be the Dad to children in your life?
Todd, Saturday is her birthday. She will be 19 years of age. I believe she has had a really good life. It doesn't make the pain go away but it does give me some peace to know that. I am so sorry for my part in her being adopted out. I was 15 and scared. I was taken advanage of by my Mom and the system that didn't provide me with legal advice and counseling before I signed the paperwork.
I wonder do you think of the girl we created? Is she a distant thought? Or is she on your mind a lot? Do you feel the missing peice of the puzzle in your life? Do you remember my last name at the time? Will you ever be at my door to look for our daughter through me? I am not sure if I would hug you or slap you. Your almost a figmant of my imagination. It's been forever. Well, I hope you have found some happiness.
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