Stress overload

I don't deal well with stress. I can feel it in my shoulders,back and my energy level. Also, I can't stay focus on what is around me if hell is breaking lose. This past weekend, my oldest son was home from Saturday morning to Monday after noon and for the most part it was pure hell.
I will be the first to admit the fact that this week is the week of my daughter's birthday is playing a role in my stress. I won't go into details but we did get the chance to do something for her birthday. It will make the day easier for me but it won't stop my tears that fall on her birthday. I wish it was enough but sadly it's not. I can wait for more and accept things in Izzy's time but that doesn't make it easy.
Well, back to the boys. For those that our new to reading my blog. Shortly, after the divorce to my first husband my oldest son pushed and pushed to live with his Dad. We have had some rough moments with everyone adjusting to the newness of it all. So, going against my desires, I let my sons live in two different households. My oldest is living in a 2 bedroom mobile home and my youngest lives with me in our two bedroom home with 1/2 finished basement. My oldest has just his Dad at home and my youngest lives with me and my husband of almost three years. My oldest has a cell phone and I believe gets more material wants than needs taken care of. My youngest gets more of his needs taken care of than his wants. My oldest has seen his Dad struggle with the bills and pawn several items. My youngest has lived through our tough times without experiencing seeing us pawn anything or have our electric or gas shut off. The closest he has seen us down and out is when we were running late on the water and they shut it off. It was only off for that day. My oldest has been living a more laid back lifestyle. What I mean is less rules. For the most part he gets his Dad all to himself. But then again, when Dad has to work, he is home alone. My youngest has the stability of two parents and we have rules. My oldest appears to be an average teen with friends. My youngest has learning disabilities. There is five years apart in them.
One thing that I resent my parents the most is making me babysit my brother and sister all the time. I think they made a mistake in thinking we were old enough to handle it. One of my issues with my first husband was that he would make my oldest son change the diapers of his brother. My youngest in ten so he isn't wearing diapers anymore but I know for a fact that my oldest is being made to be responsible for his brother.

I will end this for now .I will get back to it tomorrow or the next day.