Dear Izzy

Your birthday is fast approaching. It's so hard for me to accept that you are going to be 18 years of age. It's weird to think how I am 33 years old and you are soon to be 18 years. That's a big difference in ages, but then again it's not really that big. My husband is 16 years older than me. I am sure to you that 33 seems old, but when your my age you probably will think different.
It's been 18 years since I last held you in my arms. It seems like a lifetime ago, but if I close my eyes, I can see that day. You were a beautiful baby girl. I remember dressing you for the trip home to your new home. I believe it was a yellow or green sleeper that once belong to one of my cousins. Oh, how I wish life could have been different. But, I have to accept life for what it is.
You are my daughter, but I don't know you. You have grown up not knowing who I am. I wonder did you grow up knowing that I was loving you from afar. Do you believe it in your heart that I am loving and missing you.
Your birthday's in general are hard on me. I wish I could say that it's a day of happiness, but I would be lying. Every birthday without you has been a year lost. Lots of parenting and loving that I didn't get to enjoy. Please don't get me wrong. I have never had doubts about bringing you into this world. I don't regret you at all. You were wanted and loved by me. I really haven't written to you about why you were placed for adoption. I think that's better if it's done in person.
The attacks on your 10Th birthday has made your birthday even worse for me. It's a almost daily reminder of you and my missing you. I hate that your birthday is associated with a terrible event. Although, I have gained a greater appreciate for police officers, firemen and rescure workers. I have always thought men in uniform are so cute!
Izzy, if I could only give you one bit of advice this would be it. Stay young! Don't be in a hurry to fall for Mr Right. Don't be in a hurry to make lots of money at a job. Don't become a Mom at a young age. So stay young. You should sneak a little more time in for just being a kid. There is plenty of time for the fun (boring) grown up stuff.