Monday, September 14, 2009

Dear Izzy

Your 18Th birthday just passed by. It's hard to imagine you as a grown person. In my mind, I think more of a young child. I pause at little girl dresses and I imagine what it would have been like to dress you in a pretty dress. Now, I have really begin to wonder what you might look like in a prom dress or maybe even a wedding dress. Yikes! I look in the mirror and I don't look like I could have a grown daughter.
This weekend brought some beautiful weather. I hope you had a great birthday. I really hope life has treated you well. All I want for you is the best and for you to be loved. Your birthday's have always been really hard on me. I grieve for the years past and the future. I don't know what the future will hold. Will I be so lucky to meet you someday?
To honor you birthday, I had my own celebration. I inflated 18 balloons at home and drove them to the Ymca. In my van, I pulled out a card that I had picked out and wrote you a quick letter telling you how much I love you and miss you. I attached the card to a couple of the balloons.
I said a quick prayer asking God to watch over you and keep you safe and I released the balloons with the card and let them soar over the river. I snapped a couple pictures as they floated away.
I walked on the bike path just taking a little time to myself before I returned home. I thought about what could have been and what should have been,but that's not how life happened. I feel strongly someday we will meet again. I know I can't be your Mom, but I can be a friend or a big sister. All I know is that you will always be able to count on me. If you need me, I will be there. I love you baby girl.


Tracey said...

Beautiful letter! God bless!

RB said...

What beautiful pictures! One day I hope you'll be able to share how you celebrated Izzy's 18th birthday.

Andrew's Daddies said...

Beautiful letter to "Izzy". I want to wish "Izzy" a happy birthday and one day when she reads all these letters and posts on how much your birth mom loves you, you will have the answers to all the questions that have been asking yourself.

kalibug said...

Aw, that was beautiful! I am glad you took pictures of the balloons. You can show her those later when you see her again.

Leah W said...

i think when you meet her it will be neat for her to see how you celebrated her birthday. it will mean a lot to her.