Monday, September 14, 2009
Your 18Th birthday just passed by. It's hard to imagine you as a grown person. In my mind, I think more of a young child. I pause at little girl dresses and I imagine what it would have been like to dress you in a pretty dress. Now, I have really begin to wonder what you might look like in a prom dress or maybe even a wedding dress. Yikes! I look in the mirror and I don't look like I could have a grown daughter.
This weekend brought some beautiful weather. I hope you had a great birthday. I really hope life has treated you well. All I want for you is the best and for you to be loved. Your birthday's have always been really hard on me. I grieve for the years past and the future. I don't know what the future will hold. Will I be so lucky to meet you someday?
To honor you birthday, I had my own celebration. I inflated 18 balloons at home and drove them to the Ymca. In my van, I pulled out a card that I had picked out and wrote you a quick letter telling you how much I love you and miss you. I attached the card to a couple of the balloons.
I said a quick prayer asking God to watch over you and keep you safe and I released the balloons with the card and let them soar over the river. I snapped a couple pictures as they floated away.
I walked on the bike path just taking a little time to myself before I returned home. I thought about what could have been and what should have been,but that's not how life happened. I feel strongly someday we will meet again. I know I can't be your Mom, but I can be a friend or a big sister. All I know is that you will always be able to count on me. If you need me, I will be there. I love you baby girl.