Today, was my first Sunday morning that I haven't had to work. So, I decided to go to the services at the church that I have been getting counseling from. I go almost every Wednesday, but sometimes the counseling is during the service.
I seen L (pastor's wife) come in with her grandson. She was happy to see me. She invited me to sit next to her and Pastor K. I almost feel like a third wheel, but it's nice to sit with them.
During the service the pastor that was preaching was talking about faith in God that he will bring the hurting healing. Also, talking about how God brings people together
I couldn't stop the flow of tears. I held my head low and cried. I was crying, because I want to have faith that I will get past these days. I want to have hope that all will be okay. I want it more than anything.
I also cried, because I don't know if it was God or not that brought me to Pastor K and his wife. They have been awesome. I just am amazed at how much they have been willing to help me. They don't seem to mind that I am tending to get stuck on the same subject. They have really been there. I feel like I am riding on their faith that everything will be okay. I do want to have the faith in God to heal me and watch over Izzy. But right now it's just not there. I have too many dark days.
My husband and I are still getting along pretty well. We haven't been going to marriage counseling anymore, but it's not that he isn't willing. It's not that he isn't invited by the Pastor. It's because I have been working on my issues before I can fully address our problems. However, we have been doing really good. Everyday, I love my husband more. He has been sober for about three months. I am so proud of him.