Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I am kind of shifting moods again. I am not overly depressed over Izzy. But she still isn't far from my every day thoughts. It's weird how things work like that. I don't know what brings on the depression or what changes my mood.
I still wish I could trust my husband when it comes to talking about Izzy and adoption. We are better, but no where near perfect. He has stayed clean of his addiction and we both are trying to keep our cool. I have picked up the book "The love Dare" and am taking the challenge. I can't really do it for 40 days in a row, because I work 24 hour shifts so I am breaking it down to fit my lifestyle. It was part of our homework from our marriage counselor who has gone missing on some mission. I really don't mean missing as a missing person report, but he has other stuff to do than just help us. I really like the guy, but he did say one thing that I just don't agree with. He said if I was happier with my husband then I wouldn't be so focused on the child. I don't really agree with that, but I do admit that if I am getting good vibes from my husband I am going to be less likely to fall into a depression overall.


Andrew's Daddies said...

I don't agree with that statement either. Of course if things are better with your relationship then ofcourse the WAY you look at things may be affected, however it would not mean it would not be on your mind just the same

john said...

I dont agree with that statement either. Shes your daughter for petes sake. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.

maybe you need to put the scrapbook away for a while.

also, maybe if you sign the book 'first mom'. I think its a wonderful thing your doing with the scrapbook. I would LOVE my children to have something like that.

I also feels it will give Izzy great peace as she wonders about how beginnings and what happened.

I cant even imagine how hard this is for you....be gentle with yourself.

RB said...

You are right on. I don't agree with that counselor's statement. The two things are completley unrelated. Therapy is like that though, you take what tools you can that can help you and leave the rest behind.

I'm glad your realtionship with your husband is getting better.