Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Since we started going to marriage counseling from a church and trying to take him seriosly even though the Pastor hasn't been available to us, because God has him doing other things. I am not a religious person and I admit a big part of trying counseling through the church was because we don't have to pay.
I have been to a few church services to check it out and see if I need to re think my life and such. Sometimes, I think I think about me way too much. The pastor was saying that God has our birth and life and death planned out before we are even born. I don't really feel like giving God that much credit. It's not that my life has been always wonderful and I don't want to credit him for the good. It's that I have experienced a lot of pain as a birth mom. Losing my daughter to adoption has been just the worst that most people can experience.Just when I think that I am feeling better something snaps me back to the pain. This is where I just can't believe that God has this book of someone life. How can God decide that my fate as a birth Mom. What kind of mean trick was he playing? Or how can God decide to not allow others to have children? Is that some mean joke take someone's child to give them to another? Or how about childhood disease or worse people who harm kids? Did God plan their deaths?
I am not going to say that I don't believe in him. I do however believe that our lives are based more on our action or science that we can't understand. I can't believe God is so good if he is choosing these heart aches that I mentioned. Well that's just my 2 cents for the day.


RB said...

It's so funny that you posted this today, because I have been throwing a similar topic around in my head that I wanted to post about. With so much suffering, it's hard to keep the faith. I am not a church-goer, but life seems almost unbearable to think that there isn't a plan. It just doesn't make any sense sometimes.

Great post.

Leaning on Him said...

God never promised that we would never have pain or go through hard times. But He did promise us that He would never leave us or forsake us.
He has given man the right to choose his or her own way. And that's not always the right way. I got pregnant at 19. That wasn't the right way BUT it was my choice. So being a birthmom, although my decision to relinquish my child, is my life-long consequence for the actions I decided to take. I'm glad to know that when we decide to serve Jesus, He is there to guide us and be with us, no matter what life may hand us--even if it's painful. Amanda