Saturday, May 30, 2009

Dear Ashley

It's my 33rd birthday. I am sure you have heard this, but as you get older the time just flies by. We really aren't doing anything special. I think birthday's parties are more for kids, but I guess it could just depend on what people are raised with. In my family, nothing really special was done. I try to be different and throw parties for my kids, but if it was up to me I would rather have a quiet dinner at home or out.
Since last fall, I have been working on a scrapbook for you. I am trying to make sure it's not full of pictures of my boys, but I am afraid I am failing. It's not that I am not in it, but most of the pictures of me also include the boys. I really hope that when the day comes to give you the book that you will love it. It's getting to be pretty full of pages. I struggle between wanting to share everything with you and wanting to hold back. I am scared if the book tells you everything then you won't need to learn anything more from me. Along with these notes, I write you little notes in the book and it hurts me each time I sign my name at the end. I know I can't sign Mom, because I didn't raise you and my name seems to cheap considering you are my daughter. So, don't feel like I don't sign Mom, because I am not proud that you are my daughter, but I just don't feel as if I am your Mom.
I hope you have a great Summer off from school. I am guessing your final year in high school will fly by. Learn all you can learn. As my clients say, life isn't like it used to be. It's a rough world out there. I always have told my boys don't be in a hurry to grow up. It's not always fun. Well, baby girl. I really love you. I know I can't hear your voice or picture what you look like very well, but I do love you. We will meet again. I can dream right?


RB said...

Happy birthday :) This letter to Izzy is beautiful. Are you including them in your scrapbook? If not, you really should. :)

birthmothertalks said...

I wasn't including them in the book, but I love the idea. So, I think I will do that. I think this scrap book is going to be so heavy that she might not be able to carry it.