Monday, June 22, 2009

How do you forgive and move on

When someone has hurt you to the core how do you forgive and move on?
A while back, my husband was trying to convince his daughter to get pregnant and have him a grand child. What he wasn't telling her was that he was so sure he could get her to give us the baby. Not as in a real adoption, but we would just take over and raise it as our own. We fought so much. I was hurt that he would even think that his own daughter should hand off her own child to him. That he wanted a baby created to just give him/her away. I was pissed! Did he think that placing children in other peoples arms was just that simple. That you wake up one day and say. Gee I think I will make someone else a parent today. I guess by careless sex that some are making that decision after the fact, but never is the reason to get pregnant to make someone else a parents.
She did manage to get pregnant but lost the baby due to it planting into the tube. My husband swore she had just lost our baby. I will admit that a month or so after that, I did tell her what her Dad was saying about us raising a baby. She told him if she ever had a baby that she and the Dad would raise it. I know that was wrong to involve her, but I just couldn't take anymore.
Fast forward to now. She is pregnant again. He is excited. He hasn't said anything about us raising the baby, but does wish to be able to see her/him often.
This is where the forgiving and move on comes into play. I can't help but feel all those things he said in the past. I do I let go of the hurt. It's not as if he ever admitted that he was saying some crazy stuff. I want to be happy for her but I feel too much of my own hurt.
Also, there is the fact that she isn't my daughter. She is my step daughter, but I didn't raise her. We really don't have much of a relationship. My husband is saying that I am going to be a step grandma and not to worry that I will be a real grandma some day. He said maybe in 10 years. That would place my son at his daughter's age. I said you never know maybe sooner. Izzy is almost 18 years old. Now, that won't make me a real grandma either. I am barely over 30 so I don't need to be a grandma at all. I guess it's all these birth Mom issues that just make me seem overly sad.

1 comment:

BB said...

Hmmmm... that seems like a very strange desire to have for your grandchild. He clearly doesn't understand the gravity of the situation... maybe he will once his grandchild is here?? I don't know how I would get over something like that, either. I would imagine that once the baby comes it will be forgotten. They kind of have that affect on people!

My step-mom and I are not very close either, but when she reaches out to me as if I am her daughter (i.e. when R was born) it means the WORLD to me. Whether you feel motherly toward your stepdaughter or not, her child WILL feel like you are his/her grandmother because you will have been since he/she was born. I think you are going to be a REAL grandma (and be proud at such a young age- people will tell you how young you look!).