Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Thank you

I wanted to extend a big warm thank you hug to all my readers. When I first started writing my story about adoption it was just a way to express my feelings. While that is still my reason, but all of you have given me other reasons to write.
Two years ago, when my feelings about my daughter surfaced again real strongly did I imagined that I would befriend adoptive parents and soon to be adoptive parents. I was still at a place where I thought really bad things about you all. I am sorry. From reading all of your blogs I have come to think of adoptive parents so different. While I still really feel for the birth parents, I am able to get a little insight from you. Also, the love you have for your children as given me some peace. I can say that I never honestly believed that Izzy's parents could love her as much as I do. Now, I see that yes they must love her as much as I do. If there lack of respect for me is because of their love for our daughter then I can accept that is just the way it is for now. It doesn't mean that I have to like it.
When business takes me in the general area of where Izzy lives I get this feeling about my whole body. I am not talking about going past their house, but just something as simple as crossing their road. I have to take a deep breath, because I almost feel like the air being taken from me. I will admit that there is a part of me that wishes I could hang out in the local fast food joints just seeing if maybe Izzy works or maybe just visiting one. I do know that is wrong so I just keep going. Opps I went off the topic I was trying to get across.
I keep writing because I hear how my story reminds all of you about the effects of a closed adoption. If my story keeps one adoptive parent to work harder on their open adoptions then my writing as been worth it.
Thanks again for everyone that is following my story.


kalibug said...

Thank you for sharing your heart for us adoptive parents. :-) I grew up with a grandma that didnt know who her birthparents were, two very close friends that I am still extremely close to who do not know their birthparents. One will never be able to know because she was adopted from a foreign country. I never wanted a closed adoption for my child. I wanted her to know at least one of her birthparents. We didnt have control on her knowing her birthdad. I hope and pray that if we are picked to be parents again that it is for an open adoption or at least they give us contact information and want to be contacted later in life. I truly believe if we did not email our daughter's birthmom even though we didnt receive an email back that much that first year, she wouldnt be in her life now. She told us about a year later, that she loved our emails, she just didnt know what to say back and was happy that we kept trying. People forget that adoption especially an open one is a RELATIONSHIP. A relationship has two sides and both parties have to try and make it work. I really think some adoptive parents dont want to force it cause they are worried it is too hard for her or that she wants to forget, or yes, even they want to not have contact even though they said they would. I do believe it is hard but it is more on our end, she doesnt want to "her words" interfere in our raising her. Gosh, I am rambling and I hope I am making sense. It is shocking to me how many people that know us but not "come to our house friends" are shocked that we not only talk but see her birthmom. She is as much as a part of us as our daughter. Is it perfect?? No. It isnt. Does she come to our house? No, and that is a choice that we made based on certain things going on in her life. She doesnt have our last name. We feel we are very close to believing that we can tell her our last name, but there are circumstances there that makes us believe it is not time for that. So again, it is a relationship that is always growing and getting better, but has to be worked on both ends. Thank you again for sharing your story.

BB said...

Thank you for sharing. Your story was a big reason why I talked to R's birth parents about wanting them to accept our letters/photos. I think without your story, I would have just quitely accepted their inital wish and went about my way... which yes, would have been easier for me, but not for R or her birthparents. So thank you.

RB said...

You've truly opened my eyes to look at adoption from an entirely new perspective. I was a closet reader before a commenter, so I've been following for awhile ;) Thank you for being so forthright and honest with your feelings and views.

Jill said...

And I thank you for starting this blog and being so open and frank about YOUR journey!!
Hugs, Jill