Saturday, April 11, 2009

A year ago, I let my son move in with his Dad. I didn't want to, but his Dad was pressuring him to live with him and my ex husband was convinced that the different school district would help his grades. It didn't work, but that is besides the point.
My husband is carrying a grudge over my son moving out. I believe my son has some issues with listening, but I think he has been doing very well.
I see my son every other weekend from Friday to Sunday and sometimes I pick him up at other times. When I see my son I don't treat him bad or yell at him for something he did 2,4,6 weeks ago. Every time I see him it's a new time. My husband on the other hand has just been plain rude. Two weeks ago, Alex wanted to watch a move with us and my husband said he isn't allowed to sit on the couch with us. He has to sit in the rocker to watch. It made my son feel bad. He then said he could sit as long as I sat in the middle. However, my son wasn't interested because he had already been hurt. I tried to explain to my husband where he did wrong and he seemed to agree. This weekend, we pick up Alex and it's almost right away my husband giving a problem. Alex wanted to watch a movie and my husband kept saying no couch.. he is a man too old to cuddle. My son wouldn't want to cuddle with my husband. So, my son is hurt again. My son and I watched the movie in our basement which made us cold and difficult to hear. My husband doesn't seem to understand why we would choose not to be able to hear and being cold. I explained to him again, you hurt my son so he don't want to be around you. Also, since you hurt my son I don't want to be around you either.
Later in the night, after lots of talking and trying to explain to him what he is doing wrong. He just won't shut up. It was after 2 am and I am asking for to just please end this for now. He decided it was a great time to remind me that Alex feels like I have given him up. So my husband is comparing me allowing my son to live with his Dad and an adoption. They can't be compared. I am my son's legal Mom. I can see and talk to him any time I want. My ex and I don't be petty and say it's not your weekend. I don't get how when my son is sleeping or trying to sleep in my house how that is the same as given him up for adoption.
It really hurts me. I really don't think my son feels that way. We did ask him one, because my husband brought this up before and my son said no I don't feel that way. However, in anger my son did yell I feel like I have been given up. I believe he did it, because he knew he could get to me. Even though he did say it once, I don't think he personally feels that way.
I know you guys are probably tired of me talking about my husband. He has agreed to family counseling, but I feel that marriage counseling has to happen first. We are waiting for a appointment to open up.


kalibug said...

So sorry that you and your husband are having problems. I hope that things get easier and better with him and your son too. Hope an appointment opens up soon. Oh, I love the picture of your dog in another post!!

By the way, found your blog through "Our Adoption Journey".

Andrew's Daddies said...

I also hope things get better with you and your husband. I am completely lost about your son watching TV on the couch. He should be able to sit on the couch or anywhere in your home for that matter. Do you know why your husband does not want him to sit on the couch?? I seriously can not find any rational reason.

mygrl said...

My older son didn't take our divorce very well. He took my new marriage even harder. When things just got too much to handle I agreed he could live with his Dad. There was a huge arguement the night my son moved. Within a week, we had dcfs called on us. The case was unfounded. We believe my ex husband called, but he still denies it. At this point, I can forgive them. My new husband is still holding the grudge that he could be accused of something. Although, the fighting gets better then worse. About six weeks ago, my new husband offered and did keep him while I was at work. But now he says that he is afraid thats why he doesn't want to sit on the couch with him. I personally believe that even though one doesn't live with me full time that this is his house. I believe he should be treated the same. I also believe my husband treats my son bad, because he see's too much of his Dad in him.
Until we get counseling I am not bring my son home unless my husband is working. I will just hang out in my son's neighborhood.