Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I haven't invested as much time with reading blogs and blogging myself, because my computer is broke. It's going to get shipped off to be fixed. It's under warranty so no big deal. I am still reading, but not as many as I was for a while. It's not just the computer thing. Sometimes blogs make me sad and with my class finishing up I have to try and not think too much. I have spent the last year in college. This was my first college experience ever. I am not sure I can keep going. I can't be the bread winner, Mom, wife and deal with family problems all at the same as being a student. I do really like the classes and even though it doesn't show here, all my papers have been a high C or high B. I feel like I can't keep finding the time to pull the grades off. It is amazing how fast the time flies and I love the time spent in class.
After our first session with the Pastor, we were told to discuss it between ourselves and let him know if we want to see him again. So we agreed that same night that we should go back. We both felt comfortable with him. So, the next night, I called and didn't hear back. I waited a few more days and call again. Still nothing. By this time, I am wondering am I dialing the wrong number. So yesterday, I tried again and he answers and says he was sorry that he didn't call back, because he was in South America. He said, with me you got to deal with me running off to South America. He informed me that at the end of May that he will be there for two months. We are seeing him tonight, but I don't think our problems can be fixed before the end of may. I find it a little rude that he didn't say it will be a few days before you can reach me. What did he really expect that we wouldn't call him back?
I really don't know what to expect out of marriage counseling. Sometimes I forget why I love my husband, can our marriage really be saved? I think there has been so much hurt and disrespect between us that I wonder can we get the past back? I don't know what issues are more important. I don't know if I can open myself up so deeply in front of my husband so he knows where I am coming from in front of someone else.
I am still working on my scrap book for Izzy. I do about a page or two per week. I haven't been able to take any good pictures lately, because my husband broke the camera on the basement floor. It was a accident. He was trying to take pictures of the steps taken for us to get our new furnace.

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