Monday, April 6, 2009

just talking

I spend a lot of time reading blogs. I enjoy reading blogs from all sides of adoption. I love to read adoptive parents blogs, but prefer that they are in a open adoption. I don't really want to waste my time reading from someone who thinks adoptions stops after the TPR are signed. I love to read how they honor the open agreements. I really love reading about the visits. I understand that somethings are left private though.
I do sometimes wonder if my reading of blogs keeps me more depressed. I can feel happiness for some couples when they adopt, but my heart aches. I can't help, but feel the pain of the birth mother. When I tell someone that I am happy that they brought their baby home I feel like a trader. However, I do understand that adoption sometimes has to happened and I am happy that more people are starting to understand that open adoptions are best for everyone involved.
Many years ago, I joined a group for Birthmothers and I only went a couple times. There were women who were getting pictures of their children that they placed. I had never heard the term open adoption and I was very pissed! I had never heard of a adoption agency and I could have picked a couple who was willing. It was too much for me.
I spent about two years, giving pregnant women the evil eye. I hated them. They had their babies and I didn't. I didn't want to be around babies either. I don't think I was at peace with pregnant women and babies until I had my first son.
I have grown a lot. Pregnant women and babies don't bother me. It doesn't bother me to hear how a birthmother gets pictures or visits anymore. I am jealous, but jealous in a good way. I am so happy for them. I used to really regret that Izzy was adopted by her parents. That if adoption had to be the way, I wished that I could have went through a adoption agency. However, I now am happy that things went down the way that they did.(that is if she had to be adopted) I named my daughter and asked if they would leave her name be. As far as I can tell. they honored my request. I know my daughter's name. I won't ever have to search the adoption regristies looking for a match. I am still angry with Izzy's parents, but I understand that they just didn't recieve the education and went with what was the normal for the 90's. Well that's my 2 cents for today.


Jenn said...

i've chosen to go private. email me and i'll add you to my list.

Third Mom said...

It has to be difficult to read about the visits and experiences in the open adoptions - it's even hard for me, an adoptive mom, because I see what my kids are missing. At least there is the knowledge that the children in those adoptions have contact and relationships with their first mothers and maybe fathers.