Monday, April 6, 2009

just talking

I spend a lot of time reading blogs. I enjoy reading blogs from all sides of adoption. I love to read adoptive parents blogs, but prefer that they are in a open adoption. I don't really want to waste my time reading from someone who thinks adoptions stops after the TPR are signed. I love to read how they honor the open agreements. I really love reading about the visits. I understand that somethings are left private though.
I do sometimes wonder if my reading of blogs keeps me more depressed. I can feel happiness for some couples when they adopt, but my heart aches. I can't help, but feel the pain of the birth mother. When I tell someone that I am happy that they brought their baby home I feel like a trader. However, I do understand that adoption sometimes has to happened and I am happy that more people are starting to understand that open adoptions are best for everyone involved.
Many years ago, I joined a group for Birthmothers and I only went a couple times. There were women who were getting pictures of their children that they placed. I had never heard the term open adoption and I was very pissed! I had never heard of a adoption agency and I could have picked a couple who was willing. It was too much for me.
I spent about two years, giving pregnant women the evil eye. I hated them. They had their babies and I didn't. I didn't want to be around babies either. I don't think I was at peace with pregnant women and babies until I had my first son.
I have grown a lot. Pregnant women and babies don't bother me. It doesn't bother me to hear how a birthmother gets pictures or visits anymore. I am jealous, but jealous in a good way. I am so happy for them. I used to really regret that Izzy was adopted by her parents. That if adoption had to be the way, I wished that I could have went through a adoption agency. However, I now am happy that things went down the way that they did.(that is if she had to be adopted) I named my daughter and asked if they would leave her name be. As far as I can tell. they honored my request. I know my daughter's name. I won't ever have to search the adoption regristies looking for a match. I am still angry with Izzy's parents, but I understand that they just didn't recieve the education and went with what was the normal for the 90's. Well that's my 2 cents for today.

2 comments:

Jenn said...

i've chosen to go private. email me and i'll add you to my list.

jennthenurse@yahoo.com

Third Mom said...

It has to be difficult to read about the visits and experiences in the open adoptions - it's even hard for me, an adoptive mom, because I see what my kids are missing. At least there is the knowledge that the children in those adoptions have contact and relationships with their first mothers and maybe fathers.