Wednesday, April 8, 2009

question

My husband and I have been doing a lot of fighting. Sometimes I think he is pulling stuff out of his hat to just pick a fight.
A little information to start with. My husband's son is gay and has been in a relationship for five years. I have known my husband's son for all of these five years and I accept him and his boyfriend. Here is where he argued with me.
He told me that I don't accept his son. I haven't supported him being gay. My husband doesn't have any issues with his son being gay and I don't either. It's their life and not mine.
I haven't actually told my step son that I support him being gay or his boyfriend. I have had his son and his boyfriend over and I am friendly. We have been to their place. In order to support his son do I need to say that I am ok that your gay? Or does including the boyfriend enough? I have been following quite a few blogs from gay men adopting so I don't think I have issues.
Also I want to add that I haven't told his daughter that I accept her being streight or her boyfriend. I have never went to anyone and told them that I accept their boy/girlfriends or don't. I figure they have to live with them not me. So, we all like men. I am okay with that? I figure I like men and he likes men. Am I wrong?

4 comments:

RB said...

I would think it would be silly to have a conversation saying that you support your stepson being gay. Obviously this is nothing new to your family and since you've had gatherings with your stepson and his partner it would seem clear that you don't have issues with it. I've been following your blog for awhile now, mostly lurking though, and I honestly don't think that this is the real issue behind the fighting. I think you're right, he is pulling things out of his hat. I hope things get better for you two. (hugs)

Andrew's Daddies said...

I think you need to ask your husband in what way do I show I do not support your son.
I think by including his partner and being friendly to both is a good start. You should not need to say "by the way, being gay is ok with me". If someone said that to me, I would say "I don't remember asking if it were ok with you".
I think if you show interest in their lives that shows them you are accepting of their relationship. That is most important.

Andrew's Daddies said...

Also...Tell your husband, that I'm so happy he does not have issues with his son being gay. And that he accepts him.

If someone told me he thought I was not supportive about something and I honestly in my heart felt like I was being supportive and accepting, I would go to the source (step son) and tell say "you're father told me he doesn't think I accept you and your relationship. I sure hope you don't feel that way and I hope you know I love and enjoy you and your partner's company".
This way I would know if it were comeing from my spouse or if maybe the step son.

BB said...

I totally agree with you. The old saying, actions speak louder than words. I think you should just keep doing what you are doing unless you get the idea that his son doesn't think you support him.