Monday, April 13, 2009

I suspect that my daughter's parents had a child after being told they couldn't have a child. I don't know all the details, but I was told that Izzy's Mom was pregnant or had a baby. I believe had a baby, because I remember hearing the word boy.
In the last week or so, I have found two blogs where a couple adopted and then did have a baby. I have enjoyed reading both the blogs.
When I was much younger and found out about a brother for my daughter I was actually happy. I personally think if it would have happened during my child's first year it would have been harder to handle. However, if my memory is right, my daughter's brother is about 3-4 years younger then Izzy. I don't have any proof or knowledge of this. My aunt quit giving me information years ago.
Lately, I wonder how did they handle having one adopted child and one child from pregnancy. Have they raised them both to be proud of their background? I wonder if Izzy feels second best, because they finally got what they wanted? Does their son feel as if his place in the family should be first born? Does he tease her and tell her your not Mom and Dad's child?
So bloggers who have adopted and had baby's on your own what are you doing to ensure that your children don't feel different? How will you handle if the adopted child feels like they really not part of the family? Also when you see your adopted baby and birth baby for the first time would you describe the feelings as the same?
The two blogs that I have read interest me, because your in open adoptions and I am interested because of the fact that your story is close to my daughter's family (meaning having a child by birth after adoption)

2 comments:

Jensboys said...

Well, our situation is a bit different because we had a bio son first, and then adopted two, and then had another bio son (not planned). Of course we raise them both to be proud of their background, and I am pretty sure that noone feels second best - as far as ensuring they dont feel different, well we dont do that. REality is that our kids have DIFFERENT stories ... and joined our family in different ways. We dont pretend otherwise, and different doesnt mean bad.

As far as the love goes :) YES I love my boys the same quality and same quantity -- the journey was different (and took time) but the end result with the same.

birthmothertalks said...

Jen,

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, even though your family isn't quite the same as it happened with my daughter. I just really like to understand things from adoptive parents point of view and also reassure my mind that things can work out.
You are right there is nothing wrong with being different. I tell my husband that all the time. I think I used wrong wording on the post. I was thinking about the cases where people adopt, because they suffered years of infertility and then adopted. I think most people agree in the beginning if they could have a baby then they wouldn't have adopted. Then, they get pregnant and have a child. I know they wouldn't change a thing, but I wonder how do parents let their children know that.
I guess the best I can compare to is since losing my daughter, I always wanted a girl. When I was pregnant, I wanted the child to be a girl. I was really depressed when my last child was a boy. I still wished I could have had a girl, but I don't wish a girl could/would have taken either of my boys place.
Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts with me.