Saturday, March 14, 2009

still waiting

I have not received any mail from my daughter's parents yet. At this point, I can say at least they didn't mark return to sender. They have probably only had the letter for a week now. So, I am going to give it a couple more weeks and see what happens. I think if I don't get a response this time, I am just going to have to accept my losses. I have kind of thought of after a month or so of no letter from them that maybe I would write them again offering up my time to meet with them. When I seen my counseler, she wasn't trying to defend them, but get me to see where they are coming from. She said really you are a stranger to them. They don't know you so they are scared. Yes, besides the three meetings, which one was a accident, I am a stranger. But HELLO they are raising my girl that I took care of for 9 months. I didn't abort her or chose to throw her in the trash as some crazy people have done. In no way did I ever consider to do these things. I guess my point is that if I made the right choices then and I haven't crossed any lines since I wrote the first letter why can't they just trust me. So that is where I thought of one more letter offering up my time to meet with them. So they can see I am a real person and not some crazy person. I trusted them. I used my home address instead of my p.o. box. I hope they don't come and steal my sons. How crazy does that sound. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IZZY BY THE WRIST AND SAY YOU ARE COMING WITH ME. HERE IS THIS COMPUTER CHIP. I AM YOUR MOTHER NOW, FORGET YOUR PAST. HOW CRAZY DOES THAT SOUND? I AM NOT CRAZY.
However, I don't think I will contact them again. I know I said that once, but I don't know whats going through their minds. I am scared. I have mentioned before that the aparents live very close to my ex husband. At least a couple times a month, I go past their house to drop off kids. I get so scared. What if there is a For Sale sign, what if things look different, like they are preparing for a move or are getting the house ready to sell.
Sure I could go a different way, but the last time my new husband decided to drive he drove us right past two major spots that send me into a panic. The school that I spent many months just trying to survive after my daughter and the hotel I spent many months living with my Mom. I think driving by those places do more harm than driving by my daughter's parents house.
At this point, I wonder would stamp on my own letter saying return to sender be actully better than no response at all. Then, I would no they received the letter and not even open to reading that I had to say. I am trying so hard not to have tons of anger for Izzy's parents, but it's not working.
To top it off, my husband is a total jerk sometimes. He is great with the kids, but he barely contributes nothing to the household when it comes to paying the bills. He only works part time, because he takes care of my son, but I can't keep the boat from sinking too much longer without help.

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