Monday, March 16, 2009

I am starting to get to the point that I am accepting that Izzy's parents are not going to write me. I know the three weeks are not up yet, but that's just where I am. I am numb. I am not feeling excitement at the mail box and not yet feeling more angry with them. I guess they have to live with their decisions and maybe someday Izzy will question her parents and ask "why couldn't you even send a letter telling her no" "Why did you just leave her hanging" Maybe Izzy will think they did no wrong. I don't know.

I am having all kinds of trouble at home. My husband who has grown children (works part time) But thinks his money just goes for what he needs or wants. He doesn't think he has to help pay the house payment or the household bills. Sometimes he buys the food for the night or the cat food, but I pay so much more. I do make more so I don't expect half and half, because he takes care of my son. However, I don't think it's right he expects me to pay everything. The bills are more than I make. He keeps saying that he raised his kids and that if I was single I would have to do it all my own. I understand his thinking. If I was single yes I would have to do it all on my own. But I am not single. I also don't understand on how if he was single he wouldn't have things to pay. Even if he only lived in a crappy little hotel room, he would still have to pay rent, probably still have a cell phone and would have to eat. He knew I had children and I didn't force him to marry me.

To make matters worse, it's my son's birthday. He is nine years old today. He lost his whole check to a overdraft option the bank gives him. So, I had to pay the van payment, the insurance for both cars, the electric bill, the cable bill all in one week. I barely was able to do anything for my son. I did manage to take cupcakes and juice to his school. I can't give him a party or a gift, because I am just flat broke.
On top of all this, he gives me a hard time on what my son's Dad didn't do for his birthday. His Dad took him to dinner three days early and give him a kid bible and a movie, but according to my husband he didn't do nothing for him.

My son doesn't quite understand us celebrating his birthday a week late. I am so frustrated with my husband. My son is such a sweet boy. He had a choice to pick one friend and go to Chucky Cheese for Pizza, soda and games and that would have been only about 30.00 for the night. Or, he could have a pizza party with all his friends in the neighborhood and he chose all his friends. I am so proud of him, but that costs more money. So we are throwing a pizza party next week. He had the cupcakes at school and I am making him a cake now so it's not as if I have done nothing. I just don't feel that it's enough. I feel like my ex husband did just as well as I did if not better. I am not competing with him. It just really bugs me, because it doesn't matter what his Dad does for him. He will never say it's enough. I could do the exact same thing for my older son and my new guy doesn't comment on how I am a bad parent, but let my ex do the exact thing and he yells that he is a bad parent.

No comments: