Saturday, May 12, 2012

I have always admitted that I feel jealousy and sometimes down right anger that my daughter has another Mom. It's something that I have to accept and when she talks about her Mom... I can't growl and change the subject. It's not that I talk to her too much and getting together for lunch or nails isn't happening cause she moved away. She is coming home soon so hopefully I will get to see her then.

I got really bitchy with my husband today and honestly I think I had a reason to be pissed. He didn't tell me that my oldest son went to go babysit so I went all night and into the next morning thinking he was home. My husband was off with his daughter and I am making french toast for Stephen and I send him down to see if his brother was awake and he knew that brother was gone but I didn't. For the record.. I was at work in the evening. I felt like I was either lied to or mislead to believe he was home and if it was all innocent upset that my husband could forget to tell me something so important. My son's bedroom is in the basement and what if we had an emergency such as a fire and I die trying to save a child that isn't even home.

Back to the adoption thing and the two Mom's. Being upset with my husband made me think of how I wouldn't put up with my husband having a second wife. I do have to put up with my daughter having two Mom's although I use the word "mom" lightly for me because it's not the same. I guess it's natural that holidays like birthmother's day and Mother's Day and some of the other holidays are going to send me off the edge for a while. This did give me some insight on how Izzy's Mom might feel about sharing her with me. I am sure she envisions pushing me off a cliff. I am still not over the fact that Izzy's Mom lied to our daughter about talking to me about an upcoming trip that was suppose to be a surprise. I would like to believe it was innocent but not sure it was.

It's something that I would have thought reunion would have cured and it sure beats the other option of not having contact but my heart still aches at times for more.

I can't forget how lucky I am that I know my daughter and have her in my life. I know there are other birthmom's out there that are not so lucky and have been rejected by their children not wanting to know them at this moment. I hope when the time is right that more adoptees can open up their hearts to be more accepting of the family that loved them first. For those that are still searching.. don't give up hope. Keep searching and I hope the future holds the chance for a reunion.

No comments: