Monday, May 28, 2012

blaming someone else

I have read a few different blogs lately that seem to be blaming some health problems on the birthmother and the pregnancy. It's just not blogs. I know someone that lost an adoptive child to a mental illness and says you never know what you get when adopt.

Really? Do we really know what we are going to get when we have kids by birth? Shit happens. It just does and we are not always in control of it.

Now, I know that there are things that can be done to grow a healthy baby and things that can be done if your doing unhealthy things. In my area, we have two woman wanted for killing their children. One was drug related and one was she didn't feed him. It's very sad that these babies didn't get a chance at life due to their mother's hands.

I have been pregnant three times and gone into labor three times. Two out of the three pregnancies I had prenatal care and the first one I didn't. My daughter was born full term and went "home" 24 hours after birth.

My second pregnancy with prenatal care was full term and he had to spend an extra day at the hospital because he choked and turned blue. Besides, the little mess up of choking he came home and did really well with drinking his formula and all that.

My third pregnancy was full term but was the worst labor and the one where I had the most intervention. Of course, I had prenatal care. He was born and didn't cry and I feared the worst. But was revived with medical attention. I don't meant to say that he was dead but don't remember what they did to make him cry. It was probably too much pain medication. I thought he was okay but about six hours after his birth I went to get my tubal ligation and when I came out he was in the NICU.

My youngest son had tons of reactions to his formula and we changed it many times before we ended up using the easiest formula to digest. It think it was Aliumentom. I spelled that wrong. He just had horrible collic and made up for not crying at birth.

My son is on the autism spectrum, add and had lots of sensory issues and he has over came quite a few of them thru therapy. As much as I have banged my head on the wall wondering if there was something I did or didn't do.

This post isn't geared toward any certain blogger. It's been on my mind for a while. I respect that bloggers are not always sharing the bigger picture with what they know about the birthmother's pregnanies or the unknown stuff making your mind wonder when the baby you adopted turns out to not be perfect but they are perfect because you love them right?

I often wonder if dreaming up that the birthmother is responsible is an way to kick her to the curb? Or is some of it resulting from jealousy that you didn't get to grow the baby and if there are problems then it must be someones fault right? It could be but chances are that it could be that life just throws us a couple lemons and it's up to us to make lemonade.

1 comment:

Leah said...

You are so right. Shit does happen. And it doesn't matter if we adopt a child or birth a child. And no matter how well we eat, and take our vitamins, and get all the prenatal care in the world, our children can STILL have issues.