Friday, May 18, 2012


My Mom moved out of her house that her husband owned but she continued to pay the mortgage after he went to prison and then released and died. She kept paying but came to the decision to move out and let the bank take the house. She wasn't/ isn't any legal obligation to pay it. I guess her name was never on the home loan.

I went by the house and noticed that there was a sign on it so I am guessing the bank took it. My Mom wouldn't been notified since she quit living in it. It kind of surprises me that I don't have any feelings for the house. I find it sad that the house looks lonely already. It looks unloved and all that goes along with an empty house. It's just me personally I don't feel anything for the house as in memories or a family house.

That's probably cause I only lived there for a year or maybe a year and half. I remember my Mom suddenly being home for us and cooking meals but the roles reversed. I had a part time job and I met my future husband (now ex) I remember how my stepdad gave me my own phone line and they set up a room in the upstairs of the house to be the children's living room so we had cable tv and so you didn't catch me sitting in the living room. I remember my Mom actually commenting on how I was never hanging out downstairs with her. I guess just too much time had passed and I didn't need to be around her.

With the house being taken by the bank and Mother's day passing it reminds me of how all contact from and to my Mom is gone. I don't know where my Mom lives. I don't have a number for her. I don't know if she has my number or not. I haven't seen her since Christmas. I just don't know what's ever going to happen between my Mom and myself.

Maybe, I am waiting for her to be sorry for taking my daughter from me and forcing me to raise my brother and sister. Maybe, I am waiting for her to be happy that I am in reunion with Izzy. I haven't actually talked with her about my reunion but my little sister has showed her pictures of the two of us together. I think there is a big part of me that fears my Mom could take my daughter away again. She did it once, right? My daughter or talk of her makes her uncomfortable so wouldn't it make sense to try to turn Izzy against me.

With my oldest son dipping his hands into pot... it reminds me of all the crazy things in my mind that my Mom did to get drugs. I don't care what anyone says but if you will take your children into an unsafe neighborhood to buy drugs or give drugs to your children to hide then you are choosing drugs over your children. Or if you will deal drugs in front of your children and grandchildren then your thinking is screwed.

Maybe, someday, I will have a relationship with my Mom. Honestly, I don't know if I have the patience for it though. I don't feel like I can risk the depression.

On a side note about houses. My childhood home that we lived in until I was in the middle of 4th grade has memories and I cared about it but they lost it for not paying taxes on a 10,000 dollar home or maybe it was 20,000. I put the dollar amount to humor you all and make ya think about wishing ya could buy a dream home for ten grand or so. It was actually a two family house and had a little house in the back that was haunted by a witch!! lol Yep, so I do have good memories growing up. The house was tore down to build a Walgeens but our childhood donut shop is still there. Yummy!!!

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