Monday, April 12, 2010

letter to Izzy's parents

Dear Izzy Parent's
Sometimes, I wonder how you would feel if you found my blog and thought you and your daughter were a part of this story. So, I thought I would write you a letter trying to explain to you why I blog.

After, I seen another Birthmother blogging, I thought what a wonderful way to express your thoughts. So, I gave it a try. At first, it was just me talking to myself, sharing my feelings. Then, it became this big circle of support from all sides of adoption. I have learned so much from people that it's just amazing.

Before blogging, I never took the time to wonder how it felt to not be able to get pregnant and have a baby. I didn't think about the emotions or the need for a baby to maybe over power your better judgement. I didn't fully understand that you could love Izzy as much as I do. Not more than me or less than me. I didn't understand the fears that you might have about me. I didn't understand that it wasn't about me, but more about the love that you have for Izzy. I didn't take the time to understand that you did what was the normal for back then.

So, if your reading this and you think that your part of the story. Then, I want you to understand that while you may not like what you read, but it's a place that I can express myself. So, I do respect you and keep the real names out of it. But I want you to know that while I might not always agree with how you handled things when I tried to reach out to you that I understand that it was within your right.

I want you to understand that I love Izzy and want the best for her. I don't want to come between you guys. I don't need to be her Mom. I can't change the past and go back. I think you have raised her to be a very special girl and Thank you for providing for her when I couldn't. You will always be her Mom and Dad. I hope that you can find it in your heart to understand that you do not need to fear me. Don't feel insecure when it comes to me. I don't think it's possible for Izzy to be loved by too many people. I promise you that I will always do my best to watch out for her best interest and support her in any way that I can. Thank You, again, for taking Izzy into your home and loving her as if she was born to you.

In this blog, I call her Izzy or my daughter. I respect that she is your daughter too. Or we could say our daughter. But mostly, I say my daughter or Izzy, because I really don't expect that you are really reading this blog, but within my blog and my thoughts that's just how I like to address her here.

Lastly, I want to end this with that while sometimes I get hurt and sad over how things were handled in 91 and through the years, that I want you to know that if ever comes a time when you want to talk or speak to me my door will always be open to you. You are Izzy's parents and I do feel like that bond is always going to keep us tied together even though it ,maybe ,only in our minds.

My best regards to you,

Izzy's Birthmother

6 comments:

Tammy said...

One of the reasons I read your blog is because it gives me a different perspective. I can imagine my son's first mom saying these exact words.

If we adoptive parents were to write you a letter like this, what would you want to hear?

April said...

That's a beautiful, honest letter. Thanks for sharing.

birthmothertalks said...

I am guessing that you mean adoptive parents writing me a letter you are just kinda referring to how I feel as a birthmom in general.
If adoptive parents were to write a letter like this, I would want to read a few different things.
I would want to know how much you love your child. How you would go to the end of the earth to protect them. How sometimes you take time to think how hard it must be for me to not be my child's Mom. I want want to hear how the child will grow up knowing that his/her birthmother loved them so much and thinks of them often. I would want to hear how the child is doing and what new task they have learned. I would to hear even though on your blog you refer to your child as "Your daughter or son" That you know that you share your daughter or son with her even if it is only in the mind.
If we had an open adoption with visits, I would want to hear that it's okay to hug and kiss the child. It's okay to show emotions.

Campbell said...

This is one of, if not the most, beautiful, honest, and touching adoption posts I've ever read.

DJ! said...

This Is Really Amazing. Thanks For Blogging

-DJ!

Baby Wanted said...

Oh honey, this is beautiful! I think it is beautifully written...you expressed yourself well. I can promise you all those things you said in your reply back to Tammy but especially this, our baby will always know how much his birth mother and birth father loved him or her.