We finally talked to my oldest son about chores. We were worried that our younger son could be seeing how Alex doesn't do much. We made up a list of things he needs to do Monday thru Friday. We figure about 20 minutes at the most for the work. We explained that the "allowance" Stephen gets is more school related than housework related.
We kind of killed two birds with this one. We decided his payment would be about 15 a week but ten of it is so he can go to the store and buy snacks and or soda and that he can store them in his room (if possible) and the snacking in our cabinets will stop. We assured to him that he is expected to eat his three meals a day and of course still help himself to fruit, milk and juice on occasion.
This arrangement will leave him with five bucks of pocket change. He takes his first part of the GED test tomorrow and within 2 to 3 weeks should be done with it. My plan is to take him places so he can apply for a job. Honestly, I don't want to pay a 17 year old allowance because I feel he is at the age where he can earn his own money outside of me. But for now, I will do this to try to keep the peace at home. My long term hope for my son is that he will want to enroll in classes at the community college and get his head out of his butt to do what he needs to do to pass classes.
I really hope my son passes all the tests and does what he needs to do. I don't know if my marriage can survive or my family can if I am forced to kick him out because he makes his career at video games and movies.
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My son took on part time jobs for a while and would always quit, and it was always someone else's fault that he could not find or keep work...and I accepted that. When my son was 18 I FINALLY had to let him fall down and pick himself up on his own. It was probably the HARDEST thing I had ever done.
I kept paying his cell phone, and his car insurance on mine..I wanted to keep in contact with him and I wanted him to be financially safe if anything happened to him in an accident. But he was not to live with us any more because he was not attending school and was not working.
He moved in with his father for about 6 months, and then lived in a friend's (family) garage, then in another friend's garage, then in a friends living room, then in a makeshift apartment from a barn on a friend's property, where he paid rent, and had to work.
Eventually, he moved in with a few friends, and all this time, he was FORCED to find work. He ended up getting his GED and passed it in the 98% of comparisons in our state.
Now, he is 28 years old, and come full circle. Until recently he has held down TWO full time jobs, he finally dropped one of them. He had to reach rock bottom though, before he could dig his way out. I was always there as a safety net, but if it was not life threatening, or really desperate, he had to figure it out on his own, and he did.
He went to college for a year, and I really would love for him to go back, because he loved it. But he is married now, and says he can't afford to go to college...but I have to step back, and remind myself this is HIS path, and he has to walk it on his own. Took me a while to get to that place, but honestly, making him be responsible for his own actions (and inactions) was probably the BEST thing I ever did for him when he turned 18.
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