Sunday, March 25, 2012

I have been thinking about my last year at home and how I was almost never home for dinner. I was dating my kids father and most nights I would eat with them. He would share his dinner with me. Or, if I worked into the evenings at McDonald's I would get something.

I got to wondering today because of a conversation between my husband and myself how did my Mom deal with me not coming home. One. I bet after years of not being home with us and for me to turn and not be home might have made her feel bad. As in I have a house now and I am living with my boyfriend and your not here to eat. ARRRGGG.

I got to thinking did she cook for me? Or did she learn my patten and stopped expecting that I would be eating at home. I don't recall coming home to leftovers being pushed on me or do I recall myself trying to get dinner. At the most, I would have to do dinner dishes which pissed me off and sometimes I would steal a pepsi from the fridge.

The reason I am writing about this because my son has been staying out longer than he is suppose to and my husband as the attitude just get the GED and he don't care about anything else. Says it's all on me after he gets him through the GED. He says it that way cause if my husband didn't get up my son wouldn;t go to school. The alarm will be blaring in his ears and nothing.

My husband says he thinks it will get worse and worse and Alex will just be gone a lot and will be surprised when he misses dinner that there may not be any here or left.

This was brought up because we are thinking if my son starts staying out past dinner and not eating dinner then how long will we continue to prepare dinner for 3 or 4. I say 3 or 4 cause if I am working then dinner isn't prepared for me on most nights. I am only bringing this up because he just hasn't been eating much and it worries me. Also, I am not going to continue to pick up food that I think he will eat if he isn't eating it.

So that got us talking about dinner. If night after night he blows dinner off and then I could see how it would really bother us. I buy my groceries with the amount of people we feed in mind. If we had a lot of waste. We wouldn't want to continue to throw food away. I suppose if my son made plans and we knew the day before that he was going to be somewhere else then that might be different than just not making an appearance for dinner. It just seems lately I have been really stressed over things my son is doing or isn't doing. I don't know if it's just me or what.

Last night, he wanted to have dinner out with a neighbor of his Dad's. It was past mid night and no Alex. I left the door unlocked and texted him to lock it when he gets home.

I woke up to the door being unlocked and jumped to assume that he wasn't home. I called the neighbor and left her somewhat a strange message on her phone. Then, I called Dad to see if he was there cause he mentioned maybe staying the night with Dad. When Dad says he wasn't there I really freaked out. Don't laugh at me. Okay go ahead I was very stupid. I never went downstairs to see if he was in his bed and that's where he was.

We felt stupid and pissed at ourselves for not hearing someone come in. I was a little upset with my son for not locking the door. We came up with the idea that no one is to come home and not make it clear that they are home. Just in case of a fire or whatever else situation that could happen.

Sorry that this is so long. I feel better after I write about it all. All this is making me think of what did my Mom do? Now, my son hasn't just not come home for dinner but it's been close. Anyone with teens that come and go on their own and if they are not home for dinner would you cook for them anyways? And if it was a regular habit would you continue to cook for them?

I really hope I never really have to figure all this out because I just really think my son unless he has a job or maybe a girlfriend should be home for dinner. If it was just all on me.. I would save him dinner but if it was getting thrown out then that might be different.


Karen said...

I saw that happen with my son when he was younger (now 28 and married), and you are typing as if you are talking about myself.
MHO, put your foot down now. Tell him the rules and make him obey them if he wants to live with you. He is running all over you, because you are letting him...and he will if he can because he is a teen and pushing his limits and his boundaries more than ever.
He will push back, and you have to be prepared to do the consequences you tell him will happen. But if you want to be in charge, you have to take charge and clearly set the rules and stick to them.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks for your honest opinion and for letting me know you have been through this. We have a few problems that isn't helping the situation. My husband is the stepdad but since Alex hasn't grown up with him and not with me for a few years he doesn't feel like he has any authority over him. At times, he will say he don't care but I know that's not really true. He cares because I care and does what he does do for me. In a lot of ways, he is seeing my 17 1/2 year old son as a grown man. On the other hand, he is still a child. It's hard to set down punishments when we just don't know how to punish a child of this age. My son doesn't have a phone but has an IPOD that he used to communicate with but he uses it as an excuse as why he can't inform us of what he is wanting or needing to do. No hot spot he will say. We don't want to pay for a cell phone for him because we did have a cheapy one with prepaid minutes and he broke the phone by sitting it in water.
I can use the my rules if you want to live here when he is 18 but as of right now I would be kicking him out on the street before he is of legal age. His Dad doesn't want him with him.
Personally, I think my son needs more time at home to play catch up from living with his Dad. Thanks again.