cell phones

Do you pay for your teen to havee a cell phone? I don't do this but I am very upset about not being able to contact my son when he was babysitting. The deal was she wanted to go out but my son didn't come home until the next day. He says no phone and no internet there. My husband is against giving him a cell phone but I just feel so frustated.

My children's school district went on strike and after two days at home I am happy to report that they have reached an agreement and on Monday my youngest son goes back to school. It's going to take some getting used to that Alex won't be going to school anymore. Hopefully, he will be interested in learning or thinking about college.

Stephen will go to school for three days and then it's Spring break time!!!

Alex received his official GED diploma and in the early part of June will get an official graduation. My husband bought him a year supply on online gaming and I gave him a card with 30 bucks in it. He has landed a babysitting gig tonight. Plus, he has done some applying for jobs and one of the places will be hiring for summer time work.

Stephen got his report card in the mail and all good except a D in social studies. He has never unearned a F. I say unearned because F stands for I did nothing to get this grade. Well, that's just my thoughts on a F. Alex did get a report card from his classes and the majority of them were F's Well, he graduated and I guess that's all that counts for right now.

the waiting has come to an end.

Alex passed his GED tests all on the first shot!! So happy for him!!! I bet he feels 20 lbs lighter now that is behind him. High fives for Alex!!!! The first person he told was my husband!! Pats on the back for all his early morning being an ass to get him out of bed!!

The waiting game

Alex took his two final tests for his GED. Now, we are awaiting the test results to see if he passed the two tests plus the writing test that takes longer to grade. This is such a stressful time for us. The school told him he didn't need to come in on Monday but never told us. So, he "went" to school but not really. I was there to surprise him and take him to lunch. He took the bus to school and then left with another student. Then, hung out with the same kids that he got in trouble with.

This is such a stressful time for us. I have had other stuff going on and it's probably making matters worse. We want my son to continue to go to school until we have the results but the school has put it in his head that he doesn't need to be there.

I don't feel like this school is giving him the same treatment that I received as a student there many years ago.

My son has a job offer or so he says but he is playing the how will I get there cards ect. He wants to be a kid but at the same time take control of his life.

I have been thinking about my last year at home and how I was almost never home for dinner. I was dating my kids father and most nights I would eat with them. He would share his dinner with me. Or, if I worked into the evenings at McDonald's I would get something.

I got to wondering today because of a conversation between my husband and myself how did my Mom deal with me not coming home. One. I bet after years of not being home with us and for me to turn and not be home might have made her feel bad. As in I have a house now and I am living with my boyfriend and your not here to eat. ARRRGGG.

I got to thinking did she cook for me? Or did she learn my patten and stopped expecting that I would be eating at home. I don't recall coming home to leftovers being pushed on me or do I recall myself trying to get dinner. At the most, I would have to do dinner dishes which pissed me off and sometimes I would steal a pepsi from the fridge.

The reason I am writing about this because my son has been staying out longer than he is suppose to and my husband as the attitude just get the GED and he don't care about anything else. Says it's all on me after he gets him through the GED. He says it that way cause if my husband didn't get up my son wouldn;t go to school. The alarm will be blaring in his ears and nothing.

My husband says he thinks it will get worse and worse and Alex will just be gone a lot and will be surprised when he misses dinner that there may not be any here or left.

This was brought up because we are thinking if my son starts staying out past dinner and not eating dinner then how long will we continue to prepare dinner for 3 or 4. I say 3 or 4 cause if I am working then dinner isn't prepared for me on most nights. I am only bringing this up because he just hasn't been eating much and it worries me. Also, I am not going to continue to pick up food that I think he will eat if he isn't eating it.

So that got us talking about dinner. If night after night he blows dinner off and then I could see how it would really bother us. I buy my groceries with the amount of people we feed in mind. If we had a lot of waste. We wouldn't want to continue to throw food away. I suppose if my son made plans and we knew the day before that he was going to be somewhere else then that might be different than just not making an appearance for dinner. It just seems lately I have been really stressed over things my son is doing or isn't doing. I don't know if it's just me or what.

Last night, he wanted to have dinner out with a neighbor of his Dad's. It was past mid night and no Alex. I left the door unlocked and texted him to lock it when he gets home.

I woke up to the door being unlocked and jumped to assume that he wasn't home. I called the neighbor and left her somewhat a strange message on her phone. Then, I called Dad to see if he was there cause he mentioned maybe staying the night with Dad. When Dad says he wasn't there I really freaked out. Don't laugh at me. Okay go ahead I was very stupid. I never went downstairs to see if he was in his bed and that's where he was.

We felt stupid and pissed at ourselves for not hearing someone come in. I was a little upset with my son for not locking the door. We came up with the idea that no one is to come home and not make it clear that they are home. Just in case of a fire or whatever else situation that could happen.

Sorry that this is so long. I feel better after I write about it all. All this is making me think of what did my Mom do? Now, my son hasn't just not come home for dinner but it's been close. Anyone with teens that come and go on their own and if they are not home for dinner would you cook for them anyways? And if it was a regular habit would you continue to cook for them?

I really hope I never really have to figure all this out because I just really think my son unless he has a job or maybe a girlfriend should be home for dinner. If it was just all on me.. I would save him dinner but if it was getting thrown out then that might be different.

To love a child

It's been a month or so now but I read a book called To love a Child. Someone left it at the Y in the spot to pick up a book or drop one off. I love this idea and I should probably drop some books off cause I am sure it's suppose to work both ways. Right next to the picture on the book it says A reluctant father adopts A "forgotten" Child.

What I remember being interesting is that the father had his own issues besides him and his wife and infertility problems and didn't really want children or couldn't care if he remained without them. I hope I am describing this book right since it's been a while since I read it.

They adopt a African American boy and boy did they have their work cut out for them. The little boy didn't adjust well and if I remember right he didn't believe that his Mom and Dad were his last stop. In the book, he finally gets it and I clearly remember him telling the social worker on her visit that he wasn't getting in the car with him.

This family ended up making friends with a young teen and was there supporting him emotionally where he needed it. Towards the end of the book, the young man moves in with them and they informally adopt him and they consider him to be their son too.

My son takes two more parts of the GED tests. I am holding back my speech about what does he think he is going to do after the GED until he has the GED. He takes the writing part tomorrow and that will be interesting since even in this new school he blew that part of his school work off and didn't get along with the teacher. The man is skinny and he went as far as telling him he looks like his skinny Grandma. There are something that you shouldn't tell a teacher and if your teacher is a man that is probably one of them. The man is ugly skinny sort of like my Mom but that's a no no.

I took my son to do his weekly grocery shopping with ten bucks so we will see how he will do.

He bought a 12 pack of soda. He was going to pay over 3 for a bag of cheetos but I showed him the sign that he can get two bags for three dollars and he got a container of ice cream.

Maybe, next week I will drive him up to our local Aldi"s because ten dollars could go so much further.

just thinking out loud.

I used to tell myself that I could have raised Izzy well enough if I had support from my family. As I have wrote some about my childhood and as things that to this day still have an effect from my upbringing come up. There are things that are reminding me because of raising my son. For example, the pot use was a huge trigger for me. I know in the sceme of things pot isn't a horrible serious drug but my Mom did things to get pot and to sell pot right in front of myself and in the later years my children. So, when I think of pot it's not as in oh my God that's going to kill you or your going to go crazy and kill someone. It's my Mom hid drugs on me once. My Mom took us into the low income (projects) was what they were always called to buy drugs and I didn't understand as a little girl why my Mom didn't call the police.

I stayed away from my Mom's place when my kids were young because she would deal it and smoke it around my kids. I would think is this so serious that you can't wait for our visit to be over?

Also, as I struggle with the effects of my Mom not paying attention to me with my school (memories) coming up because how ironic is it that my son is at the same alternative school.

I was telling my husband at some point we can't put all the blame on Dad. I had a worse upbringing that he has had and I still pulled my head out of my butt and did what I needed to do to get an education. I guess we could say since he has passed two of the tests for the GED that he has pulled it out. I think a lot of my change of heart of school as a teen had to do with authority making me go to school for 8th and 9th grade.

I had my daughter in 9th grade and I felt like because I was in labor at school and all that went down with the school knowing that they just pulled me in and watched out for me. I would say that I had about 4 to 6 people who checked up on me in some way.

It's also ironic that the same school district. (city is a 20 min drive away from my current city) is the same one that didn't take action when my son was not going to school when living with his Dad. When I learned of all the absences they said they don't do truancy in high school.

Back to being able to take care of Izzy. I guess I been mentally fooling myself to think that I could have taken care of her with family support. What a joke. My Mom wasn't taking care of her four children. She sent the oldest on packing and couldn't send me packing because I was a babysitter for the youngest two. I know that I could have loved Izzy. That's the easy part. I could have fed her and changed her diapers but I don't suppose I would have had the money to buy what she needed.

I am not sure where all this is even coming from. I guess it could because of my oldest sons age or the fact that Izzy's parents have been really good to her. It could be the low self esteem coming from not being allowed to be her Mom. I have lived in fear of my sons just going away.

P. S. If any police officers are reading this. I swear I didn't know it was a drug. haha and you didn't hear about my Mom's drug abuse from me.

Donation of baby supplies

I couldn't find a used diaper bag and I couldn't justify buying a brand new one for MELD and the things to go in it. I just decided to forget the fill a diaper bag idea and just donate items to MELD. I added about ten bucks to the money that was donated to MELD thru my blog.

I am giving them

A package of new born diapers
baby wipes
baby soap
a tiny baby bottle
baby brush and comb set
2 pack of body suites otherwise known as onsies.
one new born sleeper
one 3 to 6 month summer/spring type outfit.
one 2 t outfit or pj's (looks like it could go either way. It would amaze me if a 2 year old could actually wear it. I wish I could have done more but there is always other times for that.

Currently, we are on a break from group and I signed up again and most likely I will continue to show every other week. It works out best for me. I get to the Y two to three times a week. Also, on most weeks I get a day out with a friend. Don't forget sometimes taking it easy at home with my husband.

Sorry this post is kind of late. My computer doesn't work for the chip and I have to ask to use my husbands.

nail polish

I blogged about a no chip nail polish. I wanted to write about it real quick cause someone asked me the same of it. It's called Shellac. It's a 3 part deal. A clear undercoat. The nail color of your choice. However, they only seem to have about 6 to 8 colors to choose from. then, they do a top coat.

I did it again today. The polish didn't chip but my nails had grown out and a few of them broke to make them look bad.

One downside besides the lack of colors is that it's hard to get the polish off. He had me soak my hands in finger nail polish remover and kind of scraped it off with his finger nails. Also, since it is a little pricey I can't imagine that most people want change the colors often.

I personally want pretty nails and don't want to run to the nail salon too often so as long as this polish keeps true to it's word then I am hooked.

My husband suggested a french manicure sometime ya know where it's clear nails and pink tips. Does any know if you can pull that off if your nails are short. Mine don't grow very well. I did notice that I went longer without broken nails.

Question

I was asked this question. I am going to attempt my best to answer it but it might not be easy for two reasons. 1. I haven't any experience raising an adopted child and haven't researched the ages to talk about adoption loss ect. 2. It might be hard for me because I would hope I can be biased in answering but that's easier said than done.

Here is the question.

If you were in charge of what daughter's a-parents said to her as she was growing up, what would you have wanted them to say to your daughter about you? And at what point is it healthy and what point would it be difficult for your daughter to know about your adoption plan? How much is too much?

I decided that my answer got too personal and posted it at my private blog. If your not invited I am sure we can change that.

I hope my ads don't bother anyone or the loading of the blog. Feel free to click cause my pennies are adding up.

kid stuff

We finally talked to my oldest son about chores. We were worried that our younger son could be seeing how Alex doesn't do much. We made up a list of things he needs to do Monday thru Friday. We figure about 20 minutes at the most for the work. We explained that the "allowance" Stephen gets is more school related than housework related.

We kind of killed two birds with this one. We decided his payment would be about 15 a week but ten of it is so he can go to the store and buy snacks and or soda and that he can store them in his room (if possible) and the snacking in our cabinets will stop. We assured to him that he is expected to eat his three meals a day and of course still help himself to fruit, milk and juice on occasion.

This arrangement will leave him with five bucks of pocket change. He takes his first part of the GED test tomorrow and within 2 to 3 weeks should be done with it. My plan is to take him places so he can apply for a job. Honestly, I don't want to pay a 17 year old allowance because I feel he is at the age where he can earn his own money outside of me. But for now, I will do this to try to keep the peace at home. My long term hope for my son is that he will want to enroll in classes at the community college and get his head out of his butt to do what he needs to do to pass classes.

I really hope my son passes all the tests and does what he needs to do. I don't know if my marriage can survive or my family can if I am forced to kick him out because he makes his career at video games and movies.

Looking for a new blog to read. Check these out.

I really enjoyed doing the interviews that were posted recently. Thanks again to those that volunteered for me. One of my questions that I put out there for all of them was to tell me their favorite blogs and I wanted to dedicate a post to give a shout out to those blogs mentioned. I admit that I haven't had time to go check them all out but figure if I can put them all in one spot then I can remember them more easily.

Jenn listed this one for adoptive Mom's blog. Go here

Another one she suggested is this one.


My second interview was with Wendy. When asked to tell me a blog about open adoption she gives me this one. Go here.

Another blog she suggested was this one. Surf over here for it.

When asked to list a blog written by birthmothers she listed this one. Go here for the first one she mentioned.


Another one she mentioned was one that is on my blogroll. Go here.

Just adding my two cents but what I find very interesting about the blog mentioned above is that she found her child's adoptive parents thru blogging and we have been able to see adoption from both sides together but on different blogs. Check out the adoptive Mom's blog here.

Another blog mentioned by Wendy was this one here.


Leah was my final blog interview that I did. I found that I was more nervous writing the questions for fear of saying something dumb cause of her adoption being international. After, I got started with it. I did feel at ease with coming up with the questions.

The blog she mentioned was a blogger that also adopted from Eithopia. You can check out this blog here.

I had a day out with my friend. We went to the early show of The Vow. Then, we went to walmart and got lunch at the deli and ate it at McDonald's. We just ordered drinks from McDonald's. I felt so bad. haha
Anyways, I loved the Vow but that's not what this post is about. They advertised a movie called Octoberbaby. I believe that was what it was called. From what I got of the preview it's a young lady on the search to find her birthmother and I believe it's promoting choose life. I have to see this movie but thinking I might just sneak off by myself to watch it. I think it comes out this month. It could be something that just will make me cry and I wouldn't want to break down in front of anyone.

Although, I do feel that I am in a much better place than I used to be when it comes to adoption pain. In my private blog, I wrote about how my husband said something that I thought was hurtful and mean. It really made me sad but it basically just made the feelings that I had been trying to shove away come to surface. I talked with my friend, when we were talking about our relationships. (yes, men, if your reading, women talk about you) I told her the story and how in the past I would have been angry and I forgot to mention that it could have gotten ugly but it didn't.

I told my husband that I thought it was mean thing to say and it made me miss Izzy more. However, he said sorry that he didn't mean to make me sad and I said, I know and that was the end of it. It didn't make it all better but I didn't let my emotions get the better of me and attack him for being an "asshole" as I would have called him in the past.

So happy that our relationship is going so strong.

child support update

2 weeks after one pay day and about 4 days after the next pay day I finally got the child support card with the 2 week balance on there. I was happy to see it and know that most likely we can count of that money for a while for the children's needs.

I took Stephen to buy shoes and he was pushing hard to get a 70 dollar pay of Nikes but that was about 20 more than I wanted to spend. Last tax time his Dad bought him Nikes and he was fixated on getting Nikes again. He picked a 30 dollar pair of shoes and I was glad because Alex would have gotten really jealous if he got a pricey pair of Nikes and we made him get shoes that would be acceptable for a job should get get one.

We been having a hard time finding Stephen clothes at home. Don't ask me where they go. Maybe, slowly, I throw them out if they get stains but anyways I told my husband maybe tomorrow he can take him to get a couple shirts. He doesn't need too many street clothes cause he has uniforms for school. Alex pipes up that he needs clothes and I asked what happened to the clothes that your Dad bought you right before you moved in. He said, "you mean the clothes that were too small"? Oh that's right I forgot about how they put clothes on layaway and picked them up and didn't return clothes that were too small. That is just the kind of people we are dealing with. Children need the push to make the right choices for clothes ect.

By the way, my kids don't know anything about child support. Well, my oldest isn't dumb and knows his Dad has to pay but it was never told to them that we can't afford this or that cause your Dad didn't pay. Or you can get this or that cause your Dad paid. That may or may not be right but it's how I think is the right way to handle child support.

Even though, I can perfectly be allowed to spend child support on bills, food or housing. I do kind of feel like I want to make sure that I do pay special attention and buy things the children need. I wouldn't want them to go to their Dad's and for him to think geeze what am I paying for?

My husband thinks that buying things for the 17 year old is limited. Not to say that we won't get him clothes or things he needs but what we buy will most likely be things he will need to replace because he wore them out compared to growing up taller compared to our little guy. I see his point but if all possible I think if my children had needs that even past 18 I would try to help them. Not that I would let myself be walked on and go without if they are being lazy bums but if they were trying to be a responsible person.

When I get it into my head to do something with my children I don't tell them ahead of time. This could be something simple and cheap or like today a movie. I knew the kids would be out of school and we still are doing well because of the tax refund that gave us a soft cushion. We don't have tons of cash still but our bills are paid.

Going to the movies is a real treat for my family. It's expensive and we don't do it often. Truth be told, I want to see the Vow and had plans to ask my friend to go with me to watch it. That was before I realized that there wasn't school today.

It was also before my son got into trouble.

I only took Stephen to the movie. It may seem like I made up the movie plans to punish my son but honestly I was already planning it. I just don't tell my children ahead of time in case plans change.

Alex took being left home in strides. He has spent most of the day wanting his little brother to hang with him.

Oh no

I dropped my younger son off saturday for a extra visit. It's not really extra since he stays home every saturday to go to tutoring. My older son wanted to hang out with friends so he was allowed to do that. I haven't had a good feeling about the friends that he has met at the alternative school. I wondered if I was making judgments that wasn't fair.

The good news is that the tension between their Dad and me seems to have calmed down.

The bad news is after working my ass off at the Y, I come home to see a police car and my children's father's car in front of my house. The new wife is in the car but Dad isn't.

My first reaction is that step dad and dad got into an heated argument and things went too far.

Not that the police has ever been involved before.

I walk in and I see my current husband, my ex husband and my 17 year old son in my living room. The good news is that no one is pounding on the other and no one is in cuffs.

The bad news is that my son and his friends were caught smoking pot. Luckily, they didn't have pot on him so no drug charges but I am still pissed. And why didn't they cuff him and haul him off to jail. Why are the police handling teens with a little slap on the butt and they go free?

I am furious. I was afraid something like this would happen.

My son is going to be locked in until he gets the GED. If his Dad takes his brother then he is going too. There is no more saying well he is a teen and let him hang with friends.

My husband said the other day how he was nervous about friends being here because if they did drugs or drank we would be in trouble. I was a fool thinking that my son wouldn't do something so crazy. So most likely he won't have friends here either.

update

I thought I would do a little update on how my oldest son is doing.

My husband has stepped in and taken on some parental role where his Dad was failing. After, he got suspended, he talked to the school and the principal agreed to move him over to the GED department. All we had to do was get him an ID which the school had been wanting him to get all year. So, in the middle of February, while he was suspended, my husband took him to get an state ID.

He is set up to start testing for the GED in a matter of a week or so. My husband has put his foot down and said Monday thru Thursday he has to be home by 5 30 in the evening. He gets off from school before 2 pm so this gives him time to hang with friends or even job hunt.

I have quit bothering him about getting a job. I figure the GED is our number one thing right now. We did insist on that the much needed shoes we had to buy be something that he could work in if he did get a job.

My son has been hanging around friends a lot on the weekends and for some reason it bothers me. I guess I am so afraid of him doing something stupid and getting into trouble. My husband saids that my son either has teachings to be good or bad and not much we can do about it right now.

My son continues to be a slob around the house. hehe. One day, instead of dumping his bowl of milk in the sink I put it in his dinner spot. However, my son did take it upon himself to groom up much needed dog and we told him cause he did such a great job if he did our other dog we would give him money. So, my son did his best and we paid him 30 bucks and he was able to go see a movie without Mom approving for age and was able to order pizza with his friends.

My son has been blowing his Dad (weekends) and passed up an offer to go out to eat to hang with his friends. Plus, he invited one child and not the other and that wouldn't have went over well here. My 11 year isn't stupid.

I haven't really started the idea of giving him a dollar amount for snacks to choose his own. I probably need to though. I came home from work and knew I had a 2 liter of soda. It was gone. The next day I found the empty bottle in his room. So, we took his game controller in place of the soda. When he came home with friends we called him on it and he admitted to taking it.

As a person who was a teen and did this kind of stuff I am sure. I am thinking why doesnt the kid hide the proof? haha. The whole soda thing with my oldest son is tricky because we have his brother drinking mostly water. We don't want to mess that one up.

We are having issues with my son wanting to have friends over and my husband not wanting people in our house. He doesn't want to be bothered with worrying about having people over and also the fact about trying to feed his friends. We are just not the type of people who can whip up a meal for more than we have planned. We just a few months ago starting shopping weekly instead of daily.

My son doesn't have a phone but has an IPOD and if he has internet connection then he can communicate with us. Sometimes, he will write back and other times he says he couldn't call because he hadnt had an connection. I think sometimes he thinks we are stupid or something.

Well, I got to get ready for work.

For the first time in many years I am trying to use diet and exercise together and have lost 11 pounds but a few might have came back. I am using myfitnesspal and you basically log your food and exercise and there is also other members that you can become "friends" with. Today, I burned over 400 calories at the Y and they put the calories back as in you can eat them. Does anyone know if that's really the way to lose weight? They have me set up on 1950 calories a day and I told it I wanted to lose a pound a week. Just wondering what anyone might think about that on here.