Tuesday, January 11, 2011


In some ways, my ex husband and I have a very good relationship. In other ways, it could really use some improving. In some ways, it's okay is that my ex still feels the need to call me up say if a friend died or a family member. You know how something is bothering you and you call that first person. I kind of feel like sometimes that person for him is still me. In other ways, where it really could use improvement is for us to talk more about are households and try to have similar rules and expectations out of our children.

Did I mention that the professionals want the children to have the same chances in life as before the divorce? Well, I think that is hog wash. You can't take one households and make two and take the same amount of money and split it up and not feel any kind of financial strain. Where I live the courts do work for people to get child support and stuff on their own. I didn't need a lawyer to do that. Because my children each live in separate households they are being brought up very different.

First, there is the ages of them. My oldest was 12 when we broke up and my younger son was 4 years of age. Alex, the older one, has had a harder time accepting the change where Stephen, the younger was was able to more just grow into the situation and I don't think he felt the loss as deeply.

My ex husband tried to be the parent that didn't pay child support. Or would try to pay very little. I think a lot of guys are like that.. They just can't get past that their money to going to the ex. He would pick the children up every other weekend but wouldn't call them at any other time. It as if they didn't exist on those other days of the month. Also, my ex husband fought so badly over the tax credit. He thought he should get the tax credit. I personally think that person who the child lives with should claim the child because most of the time child support isn't much. It actually was as if he gave us ten dollars a day. That would be five dollars toward each child. I wouldn't be blogging about all this except this is what I believe led to my ex husband wanting our older son to live with him. I don't think he understood that over all 300 a month isn't much to support two kids and that he would pay more than that by having him live at home.

Backing up a bit though, I will say to my ex credit after he was court ordered to pay child support that he didn't jump jobs to avoid paying. But I do believe that his motive to having him live there was more financial and my son fell for it because he missed his Dad and basically was ignored except for those 4 days a month.

Well, that is enough for now.

1 comment:

Campbell said...

Uhh... I know exactly what you're talking about here. Oh it irks me too. My son's dad did the same thing, tried very hard to insist on my son spending an equal amount of time with him to avoid providing child support, not because he actually wanted to spend time with and raise his son.

The sickest part of that behavior is I wasn't even making him pay any court mandated child support! I left it up to him to contribute.

In the end, the only time my son spent/spends with his dad is time he wants to spend there. Although I always encouraged a relationship, I never, ever forced it. And big surprise, kids don't really enjoy hanging out all that much with people who only want them there because they are trying to get out of paying for them.