Monday, January 17, 2011

Going to continue blogging about divorce and getting married again. I believe what they call my situation is a split family. Between my husband and I, we have five children. He had twins from his first marriage and I had Izzy at 15 and then my two sons come from my first marriage.

I am going to let you on a little secret. Sometimes, I use the word first marriage or first husband or wife because I believe it's not as harsh of a word as an ex. My first husband and his first wife our our ex's but they created children with us. They know us better than almost anyone else and we have memories with them.Maybe not all good, because if it was all good. We would still be married to them. I know that is a hard thing to accept for some people who have married the person after a divorce.

This weekend was my weekend with both of my sons are with their Dad. It's peaceful without them here but I worry about them. My first husband has never been very responsible for children. However, he didn't leave Stephen home alone with Alex this week. He left him at his Mother's house because he has to work. How do I fault him for having to work but again what is the point of him going to spend time with his Dad? I have had to give up control, because it's his time to decide. As long as he is with an responsible adult then I can't complain.

But Stephen came home with out his prescription nasal spray and inhaler and that means he was without it all night at Grandma's. So, even though I spelled it out when and how and make sure it comes home it didn't. My first husband is suppose to bring it to us later.

I pick Stephen up this morning and can I admit that my current husband was a real ass? He says that my son comes home with a different attitude and gets mad that he hears that all he did was play video games this weekend. He gets mad because Stephen sat on the couch next to him and wanted to watch tv. My husband has this thing where he thinks that the 3 cushions on the sectional that I bought are for him and doesn't want anyone to crowd his space. I understand this to a certain extent. There are sometimes where you really want to stretch out and get comfortable but it really put me in a ticked off mood. I took a job providing day care services to children for their Mom's and Dad's could go to church. I did this because all we had before was one couch that sat three people and only two could really be comfortable. This always made Alex be for sure the odd man out. So, I found a chance to make a little money at something that I like doing and I bought a Ashley furniture set on credit. My little paycheck from babysitting at the church pays my payment.

My husband anger is stemming from the fact that he thinks all my sons do at their Dad's is play video games and watch TV. Lately, with the weather and the fact that all the children that had accepted Stephens odd ways have moved away. He hasn't been going out much on his own. However, all that is besides the point. I can't control my ex husband. I couldn't when we were married and I sure as hell can't now.

Even though, my ex husband and I think different. I still have to let Stephen go to his place every other weekend. I could and only would refuse him to his Dad if I thought his life was in danger. When I heard that they were using space heaters and the oven for heat. I was hot! I was prepared to go to jail for my son if that meant he didn't go back under those conditions. I didn't have to though, because the furnace has been fixed. So, maybe I do have a small bit of control over him.

But I can't tell my ex husband how to live his life. It's not how I want to live mine. Also, I don't want my ex husband coming to me telling me how to live mine. I am sure there are things that he could see as something different than he would do and try to insist that I change.

Well, so that this doesn't come off as a total bitch fest to the men in my life. Yes, my ex husband is still in my life. I will say that I started writing this post this morning and came back to finish it. Stephen's Dad brought his medications to us.

Also, Stephen's stepdad is very good to Stephen in most cases. He is very good at insisting that he does his homework and has put up with the fighting. He has a better way of getting Stephen to do it than I do. He has taken it upon himself to brush teeth with him every night. He has moved my son away from the kiddie tooth paste to the grown up kind and they use mouth wash. Last week, at his dentist appointment, he was cavity free. This is a major thing for him. I used to have to hold him down to just brush his teeth and he has come so far in that department. Raising a special needs kid isn't easy but it's worth it all. I can't say for sure if I could make my son not be special needs or not. I have a lot of fond memories but these next few years are going to be tough. I am so not looking forward to middle school. Well, I am off the subject. Next time I write, I will try to write about some of the rules and expectations that seem to cause our conflicts.

1 comment:

Malixi Marketing said...

Nice post!
I would know to know more about your blog. You may also visit my blog and tell me what you think.