Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I have told you some of my rules, routines and expectations of my children while they are in my home. I can't control what is going on at their Dad's house and while it bugs me. I can't do much about it.

I can't believe I am saying this but I just might be coming more to terms with the fact that children really do need two parents to make it in life but the deal is that they need to good parents and my sons father just hasn't been that good. I maybe telling more than I should but if one person reads this part of my story and can make changes to improve their life or not go down my road then it will be worth it.

I have been in communication with my ex husband a lot these last couple of days. It leads me to believe more that he hasn't changed and hasn't been there for our teen. My ex husband said that we screwed up and maybe we did but I am going to say that it's been more him.

I didn't bring games systems into our house. It wasn't me who has helped him to have the obsession with games. Also, through our marriage, I always worked 2nd shift and that means that most of the schooling (homework) fell on him.

My son has been living with him for three years now. So, all that schooling and homework routines is on him.

Currently, my new husband takes more of the homework battles because I work second shift but it's getting more to a equal balance because I am working more from home now. I babysit my grand daughter. (Step daughter's baby)

Almost every time I talk to my teen, he is playing a game or watching a movie. My ex told me how he bugged Alex to fold some laundry and he kept putting it off and they watched the movie and it never got done. I told him the story of Stephen being told to do his homework before we watched a movie and because he was screwing around. We almost didn't get around to watching the movie. I wanted to watch it, but I had to put my foot down. No homework=now movie.

I understand children are going to push against the rules and expectations but it's up to parents to not allow it. To my ex husband's credit, he is single and has to work and can't always be there because they have to have a place to live and food to eat.

My ten is in the 10Th grade and has 3 1/2 credits towards completing his high school requirements. We are searching out alternative schooling for him. I met with one last night and they seem strict and honestly too strict. I think my son would get kicked from it. I want him to do well and he doesn't have much choices left.

I will be honest that him failing school very deeply makes me feel like a bad Mom. My daughter finished school and is in college. I have one failing out of high school and I have a special needs child. It just makes me feel like Izzy was saved and my sons would have been better off without me. It makes it worse that if he doesn't graduate he will be the first not to make it in my family since my parents flunked out of high school. I know that is a lot of pressure to put on a teen and I would never say why can't you be more like Izzy.

I do have to wonder at what point can someone say that my child is 15,16, 17 years of age and it's on him to get himself up, on the bus, to school and turn in homework. We can give our children a pencil but we can't make them write. We can give them the books, but we can't make them open the books.

I guess this where I am coming to terms that it does take two parents because I am seeing the difference between my teen who only have one parent full time and my younger son who has two parents full time.

But I guess my question is this.... is this an issue of one parent vs. two parents or a 10 yr old. Vs. a 16 year old? Or is it an issue of one parent being too much of a friend vs. two parents being mean for his own good?


Jeannette said...

First of all don't be so hard on yourself. What happens at someone elses house you can not control.

I went to a continuation high shool after my freshman year. I had received 15 credits out of the 60 of my freshman year. I heard a lot of bad stories about continuation high school but I personally thrived there. Yes ther are gang members there. Yes most of the kids have done drugs that go there. But the teachers and all staff are there because they LOVE the students and they love teaching.

I finished 4 years of high school in 2 years. I went to evening classes, summer school, some independant studies, and Saturday classes. What helped me was very small class sizes. We had about 15 to 20 students with an aide and a teacher in every class room. The school worked closely with the parents. If I was 3 minutes late my parents knew immediately. It made me be fully responsible for my actions.

Continuation high school was a last resort for my parents but a huge success for me. I would absolutly recommend it. The one I went to even had monthly parent classes for all parents of the students.


Campbell said...

Sorry this is all going on and to answer your question, I bet it's an everything issue, not one thing or another.

What you're doing is very difficult, dealing with part parenting one son, full time parenting the other, your husband being step dad etc.