I have decided to create a blog to document some changes we are being challenged with to see if we can figure out why my son tends to be sick in the winter. Feel free to check it out here.

For the last two winters, I thought my youngest son has a condition that causes him to be sick a lot in the winter. We been seeing a Doc that wouldn't offer any treatment but would just say that my husband needed to quit smoking.

When we addressed our concerns over my sons weight. She said that he was fine but we should try to drink less juice and exercise more. After, me almost insisting she did run a thyroid test but they never got back to us on it.

This winter, has been worse for illnesses for him. A clinic that is there for those in between moments thinks my son has asthma. So, after some treatment, he has gotten a lot better.

We follow up with a new doc and he thinks too that my son has athsma because he test for his out put on breathing is too low. My son always has a stuffy nose but it's been better with the nasal spray and allergy pills. He said to quit the allergy pill and to use all the nasal spray and see what happens after we stop.

He said, my husband needs to quit smoking in the house. Oh my, this has been brought up and what am I suppose to do if he refuses?

Also, he says to brush the dogs to keep the dander down.

Basically, said that we need to try to get rid of the triggers but was clear that smoking and pets don't cause the asthma but it can trigger the attacks.

Speaking of attacks though. I have never seen my son have what I think of when I see an asthma attack. (his Dad has it) He said to only use the inhaler when he struggles with breathing. There was a time or two while sitting that my son was looking as if he was having a hard time but other than that.. how do I know if he is struggling.Will a ten year old who acts more like a age younger know to say something? He did say that he isn't talking about the I can't breathe because I ran type of thing.

He spent quite a bit of time with us and wants to see my son lose weight. He says he should eat five fruits and 5 veggies a day. Does anyone really eat that many? How can we even keep up with the expensive of that? Also, he wants my son to drink almost all water. He said, maybe give it a little bit of juice for flavor. Has anyone ever put a kid on a diet? He said that the extra weight can make breathing harder too.

I have to take my son in for a chest Xray and today he got a flu shot. I am a little scared.

I am mad at the dr who wouldn't listen to me and all she wanted to talk about was school work. But I don't feel right knowing that I was right. I would rather be wrong.

Well, I better get to brushing my three dogs. If anyone has any diet help for a kid or asthma suggestions go for it.

We been using a humidifier for two winters now. We recently bought an special filter for the furnace.

Today, I had the pleasure of hanging out with my dear friend, Pam, at her house over some snacks. I have known Pam since I was a 10th grader but it wasn't until about four years ago that I reached out to her. Well, she had reached out to me before that after I graduated but I didn't bite.
I had a great time with Pam. We talked about quite a bit of stuff. Marriage, God, pets and family and other stuff too. I was able to share with her the pictures that I took from seeing my daughter meet my sons and we talked about how sometimes I feel that because my daughter is successful in school and my oldest son is failing and my youngest son has learning disabilities that sometimes I feel like that must mean that I am a bad Mom.
She said that I wasn't a bad Mom, but I have had so many challenges that probably have made me look at parenting different and made it harder for me. It feels so good to have her in my life.
When I was getting ready to leave she said that she was glad that she followed through on her plan to have me over while her husband was away on a trip. I said that I was glad that she called because last week, I had called my Mom and said let's go have lunch. I left the message on her machine and she never called me. I told her how I was a little bugged about it and when she called me if made me feel happy. She said, she is my other Mom.

Pam has taught me so much. I can and it's okay to love someone as Mom even though she isn't family. If I can feel so much love from a woman that didn't raise me and isn't my family then my daughter is pretty lucky. I used to wonder if adoptive parents could love their children as much as children that they had given birth too. I wondered that more because my daughter's parents had a child, by birth, after her.

Well, I just wanted to share my day.

Time for a little adoption education from me

I just started reading this blog. You can check it out here.

It has inspired me to make a post about education that is needed for people who are trying to adopt a baby.

During the process when a pregnant women is considering adoption and talking to couples who wish to adopt. She isn't a birth Mom. She is her baby's Mom and will be until she signs the papers that removes her rights from the child. Also, she isn't your birthmom. If an adoption goes through then she is your child's birthmom.

Also, I know that when your talking to women who are considering adoption you are on pins and needles and excited and going through a roller coaster of emotions but remember and I tread lightly when I say it's nothing compared to the emotional pulls and struggles she is going through as she is searching for parents and either coming to terms with an adoption plan or decides to bring her baby home and parent.

So, be patient. If she said she will call and doesn't it might be cause she is busy or had a hard day. It doesn't have to mean the worse. Don't take an angry stance with you, because if you talk to her like the baby is already yours then you might really scare her off. Be gentle, remember again, if all goes well for you. You will bring home a new baby for your family and if you goes well for you. She loses a member of her family and lots of other people lose a member of her family. Adoption isn't a win win for everyone. It's about losses.

Just a couple questions unrelated to adoption

These may seem silly but oh well.

How many pairs of jeans or pants do you keep for your everyday wear for yourself or your children?

I am asking this because lately, I can't buy jeans for my ten year old. I try to do it when he isn't with me but I end up screwing it up. I wish my husband would take over this chore and take him to get his clothes. I am just asking he take him not use his own money.

The reason why I am asking this because for a while now, we have been trying to get buy with only two pairs, because I haven't been able to get the right size. So, today, I sent him in a pair of my husband's and they actually fit, but this made my husband mad. His mother never taught him how to share. I told my husband that I felt his never finding the time to take him shopping to maybe be trying to control how I spend my money. He agreed and says that two pairs of jeans is enough.

I disagree. I tried to get away with only two pairs for myself because I am cheap but I just felt like they were constantly looking dirty and I bought myself two more pairs. I don't want to do laundry daily so I like having more than less.

Another question. At what age, do you expect your children to tell the person cutting their hair how to do it. My oldest son is 16 and I expect him to do this but he acts all weird like he doesn't have a brain. In two years, he could be living on his own. I think this is something they have to learn how to do. At 18, they could be getting their own way, paying for it and deciding how it's done. I figure at 16, he could at least decide how to get it cut and tell the person how. After all, isn't it our job as parents to teach them to do things on their own.

If your a reader of my private blog go over and read it!! Life is just getting better. New adventures to be lived! If your not reading and want to be invited.. leave me an email and if I can get a feel for who you are.. I will send you an invite.

I have told you some of my rules, routines and expectations of my children while they are in my home. I can't control what is going on at their Dad's house and while it bugs me. I can't do much about it.

I can't believe I am saying this but I just might be coming more to terms with the fact that children really do need two parents to make it in life but the deal is that they need to good parents and my sons father just hasn't been that good. I maybe telling more than I should but if one person reads this part of my story and can make changes to improve their life or not go down my road then it will be worth it.

I have been in communication with my ex husband a lot these last couple of days. It leads me to believe more that he hasn't changed and hasn't been there for our teen. My ex husband said that we screwed up and maybe we did but I am going to say that it's been more him.

I didn't bring games systems into our house. It wasn't me who has helped him to have the obsession with games. Also, through our marriage, I always worked 2nd shift and that means that most of the schooling (homework) fell on him.

My son has been living with him for three years now. So, all that schooling and homework routines is on him.

Currently, my new husband takes more of the homework battles because I work second shift but it's getting more to a equal balance because I am working more from home now. I babysit my grand daughter. (Step daughter's baby)

Almost every time I talk to my teen, he is playing a game or watching a movie. My ex told me how he bugged Alex to fold some laundry and he kept putting it off and they watched the movie and it never got done. I told him the story of Stephen being told to do his homework before we watched a movie and because he was screwing around. We almost didn't get around to watching the movie. I wanted to watch it, but I had to put my foot down. No homework=now movie.

I understand children are going to push against the rules and expectations but it's up to parents to not allow it. To my ex husband's credit, he is single and has to work and can't always be there because they have to have a place to live and food to eat.

My ten is in the 10Th grade and has 3 1/2 credits towards completing his high school requirements. We are searching out alternative schooling for him. I met with one last night and they seem strict and honestly too strict. I think my son would get kicked from it. I want him to do well and he doesn't have much choices left.

I will be honest that him failing school very deeply makes me feel like a bad Mom. My daughter finished school and is in college. I have one failing out of high school and I have a special needs child. It just makes me feel like Izzy was saved and my sons would have been better off without me. It makes it worse that if he doesn't graduate he will be the first not to make it in my family since my parents flunked out of high school. I know that is a lot of pressure to put on a teen and I would never say why can't you be more like Izzy.

I do have to wonder at what point can someone say that my child is 15,16, 17 years of age and it's on him to get himself up, on the bus, to school and turn in homework. We can give our children a pencil but we can't make them write. We can give them the books, but we can't make them open the books.

I guess this where I am coming to terms that it does take two parents because I am seeing the difference between my teen who only have one parent full time and my younger son who has two parents full time.

But I guess my question is this.... is this an issue of one parent vs. two parents or a 10 yr old. Vs. a 16 year old? Or is it an issue of one parent being too much of a friend vs. two parents being mean for his own good?

A Story

My first husband and I were working at McDonald's and our first son was just learning to walk. My mother n law was watching Alex and as she was walking him out of the bedroom his finger got caught in the door hinge and cute the tip of it off.

We get a phone call about this and it's from someone at church telling us that there was an emergnecy and that our son got his finger cut off in a door.

I remember, I was running the drive thru. I was getting the orders ready for the cars and my husband was in what they called the bubble taking orders. As soon, as I heard that there was something wrong with my son, I told the boss and quit taking orders. I told my husband and he contineued to take orders for what seemed like a lifetime. It was probably another 10 or so minutes. He was taking the orders and no one was filling them. I was out of my mind worried about my son. I couldn't just leave on my own because back then I didn't know how to drive.

We get there and my mother n law felt bad and it wasn't as bad as the person made it sound or as bad as I pictured it. His finger was cut off from the tip and repaired and if you look close you can see the scar.

I was suppose to meet my son and his Dad at the school to talk about other options for high school because he is failing and my ex can't make it because he can't tell his Boss no. I am going to go myself and check out this option.

But it makes me reliaze that he has never changed. He won't put his foot down for his children. He never has and probably never will.

Routines, Rules and expecations for my house

I have mentioned that my children are growing up living full time in different households with different routines, rules and expectations. Feel free to tell me if you think we are being too strict or you think our expectations are too high.

Most of these are only applying to Stephen my ten year old son. Some of it, we are trying to put our foot down and have the same for Alex my 16 year old son. Some of it for my teen is out of my hands because he doesn't live with me.

Rules:
If it's not a school day and we have no where to be the children are to remain in their room until 10 am.
Homework is to be done before TV, games and computer time. This rule has caused some fighting but when we have not had it and allowed the fun stuff first homework didn't get done.
We don't move our wii from room to room. It stays in the living room.
Children have to ask to touch our remote to the tv and to play games.
Children have their own spaces (bedroom) and is expected to not sit on the couch all day long. This could be to do that homework, watch tv or god forbid go outside. That doesn't mean that they never sit with us.
We are not the boys maids and cooks. We are expecting help. Stephen job is to set the table and at times he likes to help us cook.He also for the most part does other things he is asked. Alex doesn't really have a job and tries to refuse helping because the "I don't live here" speech. The last time, he pulled that on me because I asked him to put away the three syrups that we got out for breakfast.. "Was I didn't eat all the pancakes. Now put them away"
We made a new rule for Stephen and that is to limit his intake on calories by drinking less juice and milk. Also, we try to really put our foot down about snacks. We haven't really been enforcing anything like this with Alex, because he is thin while my ten year old isn't. However, I am thinking that both kids should follow the same rule. Just because Alex is skinny doesn't mean he needs to eat that whole bag of family size chips and have treats that his brother is told no too. Also, Alex tends to pick at his dinner like a bird where Stephen can really put food away. Sometimes, we tend to walk on egg shells and let Alex have what he wants and this causes drama between the two sons. I am trying to put my foot down more and more because it's just not right for one to be told no to ice cream and for the other one to get it.
We do not allow Stephen to stay home alone and if we were to allow Alex to babysit him. We would only allow one hour or two at the most. We don't feel that it is his job to be our babysitter.

We are not raising Stephen to be what I call a gamer. I rather he do other things with his time.

I always put Stephen's needs in front of his wants.

Well, that is all I can think of for now.

Going to continue blogging about divorce and getting married again. I believe what they call my situation is a split family. Between my husband and I, we have five children. He had twins from his first marriage and I had Izzy at 15 and then my two sons come from my first marriage.

I am going to let you on a little secret. Sometimes, I use the word first marriage or first husband or wife because I believe it's not as harsh of a word as an ex. My first husband and his first wife our our ex's but they created children with us. They know us better than almost anyone else and we have memories with them.Maybe not all good, because if it was all good. We would still be married to them. I know that is a hard thing to accept for some people who have married the person after a divorce.

This weekend was my weekend with both of my sons are with their Dad. It's peaceful without them here but I worry about them. My first husband has never been very responsible for children. However, he didn't leave Stephen home alone with Alex this week. He left him at his Mother's house because he has to work. How do I fault him for having to work but again what is the point of him going to spend time with his Dad? I have had to give up control, because it's his time to decide. As long as he is with an responsible adult then I can't complain.

But Stephen came home with out his prescription nasal spray and inhaler and that means he was without it all night at Grandma's. So, even though I spelled it out when and how and make sure it comes home it didn't. My first husband is suppose to bring it to us later.

I pick Stephen up this morning and can I admit that my current husband was a real ass? He says that my son comes home with a different attitude and gets mad that he hears that all he did was play video games this weekend. He gets mad because Stephen sat on the couch next to him and wanted to watch tv. My husband has this thing where he thinks that the 3 cushions on the sectional that I bought are for him and doesn't want anyone to crowd his space. I understand this to a certain extent. There are sometimes where you really want to stretch out and get comfortable but it really put me in a ticked off mood. I took a job providing day care services to children for their Mom's and Dad's could go to church. I did this because all we had before was one couch that sat three people and only two could really be comfortable. This always made Alex be for sure the odd man out. So, I found a chance to make a little money at something that I like doing and I bought a Ashley furniture set on credit. My little paycheck from babysitting at the church pays my payment.

My husband anger is stemming from the fact that he thinks all my sons do at their Dad's is play video games and watch TV. Lately, with the weather and the fact that all the children that had accepted Stephens odd ways have moved away. He hasn't been going out much on his own. However, all that is besides the point. I can't control my ex husband. I couldn't when we were married and I sure as hell can't now.

Even though, my ex husband and I think different. I still have to let Stephen go to his place every other weekend. I could and only would refuse him to his Dad if I thought his life was in danger. When I heard that they were using space heaters and the oven for heat. I was hot! I was prepared to go to jail for my son if that meant he didn't go back under those conditions. I didn't have to though, because the furnace has been fixed. So, maybe I do have a small bit of control over him.

But I can't tell my ex husband how to live his life. It's not how I want to live mine. Also, I don't want my ex husband coming to me telling me how to live mine. I am sure there are things that he could see as something different than he would do and try to insist that I change.

Well, so that this doesn't come off as a total bitch fest to the men in my life. Yes, my ex husband is still in my life. I will say that I started writing this post this morning and came back to finish it. Stephen's Dad brought his medications to us.

Also, Stephen's stepdad is very good to Stephen in most cases. He is very good at insisting that he does his homework and has put up with the fighting. He has a better way of getting Stephen to do it than I do. He has taken it upon himself to brush teeth with him every night. He has moved my son away from the kiddie tooth paste to the grown up kind and they use mouth wash. Last week, at his dentist appointment, he was cavity free. This is a major thing for him. I used to have to hold him down to just brush his teeth and he has come so far in that department. Raising a special needs kid isn't easy but it's worth it all. I can't say for sure if I could make my son not be special needs or not. I have a lot of fond memories but these next few years are going to be tough. I am so not looking forward to middle school. Well, I am off the subject. Next time I write, I will try to write about some of the rules and expectations that seem to cause our conflicts.

Pictures of my doll bed after I painted it. I started it the weekend of Izzy's birthday. I wanted something to distract me from the darkness. It's when it's dark on her birthday that I had have a really hard time. This year, was much different though. I didn't feel depressed. But she was on my mind a lot. Well, I thought that I would have painted this bed in the day or two but it took me quite a while to actually finish it.

Back in the summer, I seen a doll bed for sale and I just had to have it. The paint was chipping but past the paint chipping away, I could see a beautiful doll bed for my doll. I bought some paint and I imagined I would spend a day or two and then I could show off my work. Well, who was I kidding. It took me forever. Here, are some before shots of the bed. I am going to work on it some more this weekend and call it done. I can't expect perfection.

I left off with the fact that my older son, Alex, moved into his Dad's mobile home and then the situation with the weekends changed. Now, I only seen him on the weekends and other times that I could arrange. However, I did and still do call, text and try to make it so I see my son more than those two days every other week.

I am not without blame for my son just having a hard time adjusting to life. I married my current husband very fast. Looking back, this is where I made a big mistake. Also, this is where hell broke loose in my household and things were just out of control. That was my main reason for allowing him to go live there. I had hoped that it wouldn't be forever, but after he started school in another district it seemed wrong to move him again. My teen wasn't without blame either. He raised hell and was out of control after I got remarried. But I take most of the blame with it being bad judgment on my part.

I have never been 100% happy with Alex living with him full time. I don't always think he has his best interest at heart. I feel like he is more likely to buy him the things he wants compared to the things that he needs. Also, sometimes I feel like he just flat doesn't have the money to do it.

My ex husband is still single and living off less income than me and has struggled more with finances from my angle of things. I have heard of things getting pawned like TV's, cameras and games. I try not to talk bad about his Dad. If he needed rent, bill money or food, then I could see myself doing the same thing. However, I think he goes too far when he pawns something that was given to the child either by him or someone else. Or needs to use a gift card that he was received. Luckily, I haven't had to resort to anything like that since I have been apart from my first husband.

Right now my sons Dad is still single, had to work and goes to college to better himself. I think this leaves my son home alone too much and not enough structure for him. I know he is 16 years of age but where I feel my ex husband is being very laid back.. We tend to not be overly strict. Well, at least I don't think we are. When I blog about some of our rules and expectations of the kids let me know if you think we are asking too much. Some of the stuff, I blog about that go on at his Dad's house might just be based on my impressions or what little I hear. Alex tries not to say anything that will get me upset with his Dad because then his Dad gets upset with him. Stephen my youngest son is too little to keep stuff from me. It was him that I have recently learned that Alex has been watching him for about 6 hours on Saturday and the fact that Stephen was up alone while they were using space heaters and the oven for heat because the furnace wasn't working. I imagine you can imagine how ticked off I was at the thought of my children having trying to escape a death trap. Just for the record, my ten year old has some developmental issues and doesn't really act quite like a ten year old.

I have heard that the heat has been fixed and now the children will go to Grandma's when their Dad is working. So, I am glad that he is understanding that I don't approve of the situation.

I wish there were more resources for parents that have to co parent to get help through all this but mediation is very costly.

Well, I will continue another day.

divorce

In some ways, my ex husband and I have a very good relationship. In other ways, it could really use some improving. In some ways, it's okay is that my ex still feels the need to call me up say if a friend died or a family member. You know how something is bothering you and you call that first person. I kind of feel like sometimes that person for him is still me. In other ways, where it really could use improvement is for us to talk more about are households and try to have similar rules and expectations out of our children.

Did I mention that the professionals want the children to have the same chances in life as before the divorce? Well, I think that is hog wash. You can't take one households and make two and take the same amount of money and split it up and not feel any kind of financial strain. Where I live the courts do work for people to get child support and stuff on their own. I didn't need a lawyer to do that. Because my children each live in separate households they are being brought up very different.

First, there is the ages of them. My oldest was 12 when we broke up and my younger son was 4 years of age. Alex, the older one, has had a harder time accepting the change where Stephen, the younger was was able to more just grow into the situation and I don't think he felt the loss as deeply.

My ex husband tried to be the parent that didn't pay child support. Or would try to pay very little. I think a lot of guys are like that.. They just can't get past that their money to going to the ex. He would pick the children up every other weekend but wouldn't call them at any other time. It as if they didn't exist on those other days of the month. Also, my ex husband fought so badly over the tax credit. He thought he should get the tax credit. I personally think that person who the child lives with should claim the child because most of the time child support isn't much. It actually was as if he gave us ten dollars a day. That would be five dollars toward each child. I wouldn't be blogging about all this except this is what I believe led to my ex husband wanting our older son to live with him. I don't think he understood that over all 300 a month isn't much to support two kids and that he would pay more than that by having him live at home.

Backing up a bit though, I will say to my ex credit after he was court ordered to pay child support that he didn't jump jobs to avoid paying. But I do believe that his motive to having him live there was more financial and my son fell for it because he missed his Dad and basically was ignored except for those 4 days a month.

Well, that is enough for now.

Session four for MELD

Last night, I started my 4th ten week session with MELD. The volunteer who was there last time said, he was coming but didn't. So, the driver had to stay and help take care of the children.
There were six kids and all but one I had seen before. It was different this time. There were three girls and three boys. May, I say, the brady bunch? lol Well, anyways, the two children that tend to misbehave were there and even though I had a little girl that wants to be held and cries a lot in my arms I tried so hard to give them the praise when they were good and they really were good. We only had one break try to break out because the older one was trying to keep the two year old out of the house.

I seen the driver carrying around the diaper bag that I created for a new Mom and asked him what it was doing there and he had just thought it was a diaper bag for extras. Then, I explained how I wanted it to go to a new Mom and he said he was sorry. I said, it's okay and then he left it there. So, I took it home and knowing me.. I might have to see what else I can shove in there.

I thought I would spend a little time blogging about the language that is used with divorced couples and the children. My ex and I both have joint custody of the children, but he has physical custody of our older son and I have physical custody of our younger son.

For those who don't know what all that means is that physical just refers to where the child lives primary. The other parents time with the children isn't really called visitation. The professionals think that children need to feel that both homes are their home and not to make it seem like the child is visiting. I am not sure if changing the language has changed my kids feelings compared to where I grew up in the times where it was called visitation.

Both parents have all legal rights to the children. Once my new husband referred to my son as close to it is with Izzy. I was furious. While him living with his Dad wasn't my ideal situation it's nothing like an adoption. We both have legal say of religion, health and schooling over both children.

In my state, if I had both kids, my ex husband would have to pay about 20% of his income to me for child support. (I think that's correct. It could be 25%) However, since the judge ruled that our income is very close to being the same that neither parent pays. So, just for the record, if one parent made X amount of dollars more than the other parent.. they would be required to pay child support to the other parent even though we each have one. In my state, they don't take a new spouses income into account for this. This may seem unfair advantage but it is what it is.

I will end it with that information for now. Just for the record. We have divorced in 2006 and I married pretty fast after that.

Broken family

I am sure that most of my readers know that I was divorced and married again. The side effects of having children affected by a divorce continue to really cause some bad times in our house. Sometimes, I don't know if I get myself too worked up because I worry too much. Or if I think the conflict is divorce and it's really dealing with a teen. Our situation is different than most because shortly after the divorce my teenager son really wanted to live with his Dad and our younger son stayed with me. So, during the average week, the boys are with each other on the weekends and apart on school days. There is some change to this routine with holiday breaks and summer, but mostly it's the way I just said. I don't know if the kids fighting is normal brother stuff or because they spend time apart and get set in their routines. Plus, my ten year old, has a two parent household where my teen has only Dad at home. This means that my younger son had more resources when it comes to us providing for his needs and also we have more time for him.

I am going to try to take the time to blog about some of our challenges with the different households and some of the things that tend to make us all feel miserable.

Please feel free to leave comments giving me your two cents on this subject or to ask questions.

I am working on getting a new routine for the Y. I used to go Mon,Wed, and Fri. Now, I am going Tuesday night, after dinner, on my own. Wed, afternoon, with my son and my grand daughter that I am watching a few days a week. On that day, mostly we will walk around the track and both me and my son get some exercise. Then, I am going to go Friday morning after I take my husband to work. I have been going on Tuesday night for a few weeks now. The other days are where I will need to work on. Wed, might get my son's teacher mad because we are going to blow off homework to make this happen. Kids can't go to school six hours a day and be expected to sit for two hours and doing homework. So, I am going to start this regardless of what she says or does.

Well, anyways, I used the elliptical and watched the reunion show for 16 and pregnant. It's like a car wreck. I just can't help but watch it. The good thing is that I spend an hour and half on there.

First, I feel so bad for Ashley. I wish she didn't have to go through all that in the limelight of TV, but it is what she choose. However, I still really feel for her and understand what she is going through. I only hope that her aunt and uncle are as good as they seem to appear.

Second, I think MTV is very wrong. In one of the flash back scenes one of the Mom's is being physical against her baby's father. Of course, they are told how it's wrong and how you can get help and all, but how come MTV can get away with filming it. If they are watching a crime be committed and they do nothing to stop it. Are they not as guilty as the person doing the crime. Isn't that an accessory to a crime? I think MTV is just after the money and don't give a damn about these people. I really don't think this reality show is going to decrease teen pregnancies. I would hope it does but how many teens will think they should get pregnant because maybe they could go on the show and make money?

Third, I was impressed with how many fathers are in the picture and how they mentioned that there isn't much support for young fathers. That is a real gripe of my husbands. Men don't get treated fairly. I do wonder is that because they men are in it for good or are they getting paid too?

Like I said, the show is like a car wreck. I can't seem to not want to watch it. I don't have cable and if that motivates me to work out for that long then I guess I will take whatever I can get.

Tonight, I went to babysit for MELD. This is the start of my 4TH ten week session. I really didn't get to babysit because there was a mix up and the nursery room was locked. So, I got to just hang with the Mom's and the kids while they did a pretest of some sort.
As soon as I walked in.. they all said thank you. Then, I seen a couple of the gifts were playing with the toys and I could see a couple others with the gifts still wrapped. At first, I was kind of disappointed that the gifts didn't get to them for Christmas but I was able to not only imagine the kids with the toys, I was able to see them with the toys.
It was nice to see the kids with the their Mom's. Sometimes, the Mom's drop them off so fast that it's hard to picture who belong with to. Also, it's just fun to watch them and remember how fun it was to have little kids.

Hopes and Goals for 2011

1. I need to be more patient with my sons. The ages of 10 and 16 years of age can be very hard. Sometimes, I lose my cool and talk to them in ways that could be nicer. It's not as I am cruel or anything but sometimes I could explain things better.
2. I hope to be more responsible with money. This will cause conflict sometimes with my sons. See number one.
3. I hope to continue to be more open talking about Izzy and adoption. My goal is that someday I will be able to help another birthmom that needs to talk to someone.
   
4. Meet birthmom1986.
5. I hope to be able to continue making it to the YMCA three days a week. This has been a bit of a struggle lately.
   
6. I am working on controlling my ten year old's calorie count and hope to find time outside of school and homework for him to get some exercise in. I have already came up with a system to control his calories from juice and milk.
   
7. Finish Izzy's scrapbook, get it scanned into an electronic form and give the scrapbook to her and keep the electronic form for myself. .
   
8. Continue to be patient but have faith in Izzy that we will continue to build a relationship.
9. To continue volunteering for MELD and donate items here and there but refer to number two. My goal is to provide one or two diaper bag kits to new Mom's in the year.
   
10. New flooring for our living room.
    
11. For us to keep up with our yard work better this summer.