Friday, August 10, 2012

if i had a sister I would talk to her

Is what Stephen said to my husband when he expressed the need to talk to his sister but didn't want to. Stephen said he didn't have a sister. I don't know if he says that because he wasn't raised with Izzy or his step sister and doesn't see them as sister


He can't wrap his head around the sister thing. I guess it makes sense. I know I had grandmothers but I can't comphrend having a grandmother. It would be forien to me and if you gave me an old lady and said she was grandma I woud be like 'i don't have a grandma

Back to my son. He thinks different but Izzy has been in our lives fo 2 years and step sister has been in his life longer but he still says I don't have a sister.

I was in the bathroom so I don't know if I missed some parts of the conversation but my son said. How come Izzy is just a half sister. My answer is she is just a sister. No reason to name it.

My husband was the one who explained how Izzy and him have the same Mother but different fathers. I heard my son said Mom is her birthmom. I also heard my husbandto talk about how he got to have a step sister.

He explained that half is shared blood and step isn't related at all. It got me thinking how does a child born to parents that adopted fall in with sisters or brothers? The are not5 half or are they step. But they are real brothers and sisters, right?

Let's stop that line of thinking with adoption. It doesn't have to be one of those gifts that keep giving. Let's just say that they are sisters or brothers. Does the how's really matter?

I can't blame my son for forgetting he has sisters. They will never have the tradional role of being a big sister to him like Alex is a big brother to Stephen. It's just how it is.


Michelle said...

i bet he would probably see it differently if he didn't have a big brother who filled that traditional role for him. for me, i grew up with one full sister who is 2 years younger than me, and one older half sister (although i never refer to her as a "half" sister in real life). when someone asks how many siblings i have, i base my answer on who they are. if it's a person i'll never see again, i usually say i have "a" sister, because that's who i am with day in & day out. but if it's someone who will become a friend i tell them i also have a big sister who is 8 years older than me & lives across the country. but her 2 sons ARE my nephews - i've never once even considered then as anything else - and love them accordingly, just as her husband IS my brother-in-law. growing up i saw her every paternal visitation, and missed her all the time. in 2005 i spent a full summer at her place taking care of her then-toddler and that really strengthened my identity as her little sister, because she introduced me as such rather than being the only child her friends saw her as.

all that to say, i know everyone is different, but because i have sort of a similar experience with having siblings you don't really grow up with & also one that you do, i'm sure your son doesn't really actually think of your daughter as NOT a sister, it's just not as easy to see them as a sibling & all that comes with that when you have another sibling who DOES fill the traditional role.

family can be so confusing...

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks for your point of veiw on it. I think I just have to accept the fact that adoption chaged the outlook on how my kids at with each other andhow well they know each other.