Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ranting

Normally, I try to keep things that go on between my parents and myself private in the private blog to try not to chance hurting their feelings but screw them. Why do I care if I hurt them or not. They don't care if they step on me.

I invited my older sister and her girls over for pizza cause they came from out of town. I felt like I should invite my whole family. So, that would be my Mom, my little sister and little brother. I didn't invite my Dad because of the whole divorce thing plus I didn't want to spend tons on pizza.

My Mom wasn't there long. She had an excuse to leave early. It might have been a real good one cause she is moving. She is letting the bank take her dead husband's house and renting one.

Anyways, we are all just hanging outside and I have to tell you that I loved seeing my sister and her girls. They have grown so much and are beautiful. I wish we didn't have so many miles between us. Well, anyways, my sisters are showing off pictures on their phone and one that goes around is the picture of Izzy and my sons from when they met during a bowling outing. When it got around to my Mom, my sister handed the phone to her and she looked at it and really didn't say anything.

She didn't stay long enough to eat pizza and she went on to hug pretty much everyone goodbye and say goodbye but she left my house without even so much of a goodbye.

Is it cause she hasn't been filled in on the reunion with my daughter? Maybe. But why should I? She is the one who pushed for adoption because she couldn't let me live with my Dad cause she needed a babysitter for her kids.

She is the one who told me to keep my daughter a secret and that's what made me feel shameful of my daughter and adoption all my life. Screw her! The only way she is going to meet my daughter is if my daughter wants to meet her. I will not ask my daughter if she wants to meet the grandmother who couldn't be bothered. So, Izzy will have to come up with the idea all on her own.

My Dad probably thought he could away with not being mentioned cause he didn't do anything. Well, your not so innocent Dad. He knew my Mom was a shit and just let his kids not have a parent around. I can forgive you for that.

However, after reunion and after my daughter is willing to meet you in person your still not counting her as a grandchild. You say you have 8 grandchildren. Well, newsflash you have nine. But he doesn't need to be bothered by it because I am not going to ask or pressure my daughter to committing to a date to meet. She said, she would but she has to make the suggestion because I have a feeling she was going to do it cause she thought I was willing. Well, I am only willing as long as I think she wants to do it. Well, I think she doesn't care one way or another and besides she doesn't make the count as a grandchild to either side.

Oh and my stepmom who has facebook who I don't want to friend cause never mind I won't say it. She only lists 2 grandchildren. Those would be the ones that are related to her.

I also found out that my Mom was taking my nieces to the fair. I am not jealous that she does that with them cause she is their grandmother but she has never babysat, never taken my kids to dinner, never taken them a movie, never taken them to a fair. She has went as far as not to say hello to them when we run into her at a restaurant. They live 12 hours away. We live 20 minutes or less away. I don't know why I get so worked up about her. She isn't worth it.

I always try to think if I invite my sisters and brother and not Mom how would she feel. Well, I am done wondering how she is feeling. I don't give a damn. She can live in her guilt and continue to ignore me and my family cause she can't face reality that she screwed the fuck up.

Notice if any family members did find this blog and read this. I am not mad at my sisters and brother. But I am done being a nice guy.

On the way home, my son said Mom they didn't count Izzy and wasn't she the second grand child born. I said, yea, I know and yes she is 29 days younger than the first grand daughter.


3 comments:

Karen said...

It HURTS. And Im with you...Screw them! My stepmother also has FB, and even though she says she accepts her three step kids (me and brothers), and our children as her grandchildren, on her profile it says she has two WONDERFUL sons (hers), and a perfect daughter in law. She mentions NOTHING about my dad's side, or our children. I can't stand it when people are so selfish they try to ignore people in their lives because it's easier for them.
It hurts mostly when my dad doesn't acknowledge it.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry you got stuck in this situation. I do have to say as an adoptee, I'm touched by your defense of your daughter. I have a hard time processing my grandparents who told my mother that adoption was the best choice. They had resources to allow her to keep me, but they pushed for adoption anyway. I guess that's their deal, but I think it's wonderful that you're standing up for your daughter.

I hope things get better soon!

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks for your support guys! What I don't understand is how when it's just the two of us my Dad can call himself a Grandfather to her and wants to meet her but with a group of people she just doesn't make the count. I am not very good about speaking up for myself because of years of silence. My husband at times has tried to speak up because he knows it bothers me and they would basically just ignore him or pretend he didn't say anything.