Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Something different

Someone told me that my blog is depressing. That might not be the exact words, but I can see why some people might think that. I blog about my adoption loss and grief and to me it's a form of therapy. I do have good things in my life, but it's kind of like my counseling. I could sit with her the whole time and talk about how great my life is and it does have it's good moments, but I will never get down to the issues. The adoption counselor right after I placed my daughter did that to me. We just chit chat, because we met at a fast food place instead of a office. She would ask how things were, but never pushed for the hard questions.

However, I want to start something new. On Wednesday's, I will blog about what has been good in my life.

I was able to splurge and go buy some new clothes, because my stuff was in bad shape. So, I couldn't find any jeans and ended up getting a few things for Spring and Summer. It's not easy to shop, because I have a hard time finding the right sizes. So, I was wearing something colorful and new. Twice, my husband told me that I looked really pretty. Also, said that I was looking at him different with my expressions.

The weather is starting to be a little warmer. During the afternoon, no need for a jacket.

I heard from Meld and start next week.

My husband and I stopped over at my step daughter's house and I got to feed her daughter. I will call her babygirl. (not going to use her name for privacy reasons) Baby girl is growing and Mom said that she laughed in her sleep. She is more alert.

I was able to take my older son for some ice cream. (stepped outside my comfortable zone)

I spent some time with my younger son at the Ymca and we played around a little. Then, I soaked in the hot tub.

I am still employed. My clients are really good.

My Dad came over to visit me.

My husband sent me a story in the newspaper that was a different choice besides adoption when the Mom isn't ready. We actually talked without either one of us getting mad.

Spring as brought out the children in the neighborhood again.

And flowers too. mmmmm colors again.


Leah said...

It's always nice to hear when people have good and positive things going in in their lives. Life is so full of the good with the bad, it's nice to hear both sides. :-D

Alex said...

Sounds like you have some good things to be thankful for :)

soultivity said...

good for you!!live life and love! lol

Amanda said...

Your blog is not depressing, it is rare. And that is NOT a bad thing.

The problem is, adoption is commonly seen through the "gain" perspective. In reality, adoption is a "gain" in the context of intense loss...loss the child experiences as well as his/her mother experiences. Loss is not fun for anyone to focus on...especially if it is someone who has "gained" from that loss.

My Adoptive Parents, whom I love very much, were told by the agency that I was unwanted. They were told that my First Mother gave me up because she wanted to "get on with her life." When I finally found her and found that she had never wanted to give me up in the first place, had pined over me my entire life and had called the agency for years trying to find out if I was alright (only for the agency to lie to her and then turn around and lie to us about her again and again)....they were shocked. It's painful to know that you "gained" at someone elses' expense. They wanted to adopt...but they NEVER wanted to adopt in that context. Losing me to adoption was a life-altering experience for her. If that makes people uncomfortable--OH WELL. It is a part of adoption people desperately need to hear about. Many of the losses that take place are NOT necessary if only there were education and resources in place for young mothers! If we don't draw attention to it--who will? Who will help these women and their children?

My blog is depressing too lol. I'm one of those Adult Adoptees who had a great childhood but still complains. Something about having your teenaged, unwed First Mother fearmongered out of parenting you (by one of the largest, most prominent and powerful agencies in the world, mind you) does that to ya :-)


Cathy said...

What Amanda said.
I thank God I have a relationship with my daughter's First Mother and I would not enter into a closed adoption for the reasons she stated. (Among other things.)

-A mom through adoption